Day After Dyngus

With immigration (and a possible invading army of Hondurans) much in the news, we think it's time for some sober contemplation of the larger issues and implications associated with weaving different nationalities and traditions into our great national tapestry.

Is assimilation an impossible dream? Or is America made better through the contributions of people from other parts of the world? We firmly believe in the latter proposition, if only in recognition of the great gift Polish immigrants brought to their new homeland: Dyngus Day!

Dyngus Day occurs on Easter Monday, and seems like an especially good idea to those whose Cadbury Easter eggs turned out to be full of liquor. Likely based on ancient fertility rituals, on Dyngus Day boys splash water on girls whom they find attractive and the girls, if similarly interested, tap their suitors with a pussy willow. Presumably, great merriment and a slew of new Polish kids ensue in the fullness of time.

In some sad backwaters of our nation, Dyngus Day still isn't celebrated with the same enthusiasm as other ethnic drinking holidays like St. Patrick's Day or Cinco de Mayo. Perhaps because restaurants and bars aren't sure if they can advertise a "Big Dyngus Party" without getting into trouble with the law or, perhaps, attracting an entirely different clientele than they were aiming for.

But in Buffalo, New York they do the day up right, complete with parades, polka bands, a competition for the much-coveted title of "Miss Dyngus," and festive Dyngus Day costumes like these...

For those of you with dirty minds, we should point out that the men in the picture above are actually dressed as pierogies - the traditional Dyngus Day pastry. Said pierogies may be stuffed with macaroni and cheese, sour cherry filling, or buttered sauerkraut...making each reach for an hors d'oeuvre a culinary game of Russian roulette.

Here at Stilton's Place, we think it's high time to give Dyngus Day the attention and respect it deserves. And if you don't want to take our word for it, just listen to what respected journalist (and Stormy Daniels Fan Club president) Anderson Cooper has to say...

Not So April Foolish

We're keeping it short and sweet today because Daughter Jarlsberg is home for Easter and so today (Sunday) is all about family time.

Therefore, we're just serving up this trio of April Fool's Day headlines that we'd actually really like to see!

Also admits "too drunk to really remember campaign."

"Seriously, what the Hell was I thinking?" President adds.

Students expected to walk out to protest space exploration.

Nutflix

Ambassador Stevens could not be reached for comment

Something has gone very, very wrong at Netflix. They recently made a deal with Barack and Michelle Obama to develop exclusive content for the streaming service. And now, they've made Susan Rice a member of their board of directors, owing to her "great expertise" with foreign policy.

This is a woman who lied her ass off about the Benghazi nightmare, and then went on to be instrumental in the "outing" of individuals who were caught up in the illegal surveillance of people surrounding Donald Trump. She doesn't even deserve a first class prison cell, let alone a high-paying job in which she can inject more of her lies into the nation's bloodstream.

We like Netflix, subscribe to Netflix and, thanks to a fortunate stock purchase, have Netflix to thank for the best part of our retirement funds.

But if they're going to keep up this nonsense, we'll have no problem dumping their service and sticking with the programming on Amazon Prime. Unless, of course, Amazon hires Hillary.

PAPAL BULLETIN

In a surprise announcement (to put it mildly), Pope Francis is alleged to have declared to a journalist that "there is no Hell," and that sinful souls actually just disappear. Perhaps with their soulful feet embedded in a wash tub of cement which is dropped to the bottom of the river Styx.

We should note that the Pope didn't say that last part, although we feel pretty solidly that it's implied.

The Vatican has subsequently released a statement suggesting that the Pope's remarks may have been misconstrued, as an official lack of eternal punishment in Hell might lead some folks (Progressives, for instance) to more fully indulge in their numerous bad habits.

Our take on this is that the Pope is simply aware that Easter and April Fool's Day fall on the same day this year (for the first time in 847 years), and he's making the most of it with a gag which people will have all eternity to laugh about...or regret.

In any case, we wish a sincere Happy Easter to the faithful among us...and encourage others not to use the Pope's pronouncement as an excuse to cause more Hell on Earth.