Die Hardest

We're not huge fans of Senator John McCain, but we do have to give him grudging style points for planning the guest list at his own funeral and letting the world know that President Trump is not invited.

The animosity between the two men is well documented and well deserved, with each thinking (with considerable justification) that the other is a complete a**hole. Certainly Donald Trump didn't cover himself in glory when he said of McCain, "He's not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured." Ouch.

We'll let the historians sort out the issue of McCain's heroism, and instead focus on the immense service he's given to the country with 40 years as the Senate's single most reliable vote for anything the Democrats are pushing. Not that his accomplishments have been limited to politics; few know that he was also responsible for telling Marlon Brando to "stuff your cheeks with cotton like I do" to play the Godfather.

Despite our political disagreements with McCain, we're genuinely sorry that he is apparently nearing the last stages of a terminal illness. And remarkably, despite everything, he seems to have retained his famous sense of humor. For instance, he recently told Joe Biden to stay in politics.

As the saying goes, "always leave 'em laughing."

The Eternal McFlame.

Our Motto: Be Repaired

Yes, it's true...the "boy part" has been cut from the Boy Scout program, and the members (so to speak) will only be referred to as genderless scouts.

The change is due to the fact that the organization now allows girls (and middle-aged men who identify as girls) to join in the campfire-building, merit badge-earning, marshmallow-toasting fun and therefore didn't want a repugnant, divisive, gender specific name like that still used by those sex Nazi's in the "Girl Scouts."

Technically, the official name of the program will be Scout BSA, so the word "boy" is still hidden in there, but much like the word "colored" which lurks in the name of the NAACP, we're all supposed to pretend that it doesn't exist.

Sadly, the real story is that not enough kids are interested in being any kind of scouts these days which is why the Boy Scouts are trying to steal as much of the Girl Scout membership as possible.

But even though we understand the rationale, we're sorry to see yet another traditional bit of masculinity bite the dust. Especially since when it comes to "social justice," even when huge accommodations are made, someone will always want s'more.

INFECTIOUS PERSONALITY

Michelle Obama recently referred to herself as our "Forever First Lady," apparently under the mistaken belief that, like the "Highlander" legend, she becomes stronger and more powerful each time another First Lady dies.

We're pretty sure the system doesn't really work like that, although if we see Hillary and Michelle charging at each other with broadswords we'll have to reexamine our beliefs.

HAPPY CULTURAL APPROPRIATION DAY!

Saturday is Cinco de Mayo - a very, very important holiday which celebrates half-priced margaritas, pressing "1" for English, and the complete loss of entry level jobs for actual Americans. Drink up!

Black and White and Read All Over

We feel somewhat guilty about not discussing politics much here lately - especially since we're about to do it to you again. But here's at least a few things off the top of our head (as our long-departed hair used to say):

• We watched Michelle Wolf's "comedic" performance at the White House correspondents dinner and were vastly unimpressed. She said a lot of nasty things, but we think any actual hubbub about her performance is a waste of time because it wasn't important. And we weren't offended by her despicable ideology so much as we were offended by the fact that she wasn't very funny.  If we're wildly generous, maybe 20% of her jokes landed. The rest just flopped around on the floor and died in painful silence.

• Regarding the leaked questions Mueller wants to ask Trump, we have no idea if they were leaked by underlings of Mueller or Trump (though it's got to be one or the other). Either way, the questions reflect the preposterous nature of this "investigation." As Dorothy Parker (who, unlike Michelle Wolf, was both acerbic and hilarious) once observed, "there's no there there."

• What? Iran was lying about being in full compliance with the nuclear agreement so carefully crafted by Barack Obama?! We are shocked. Shocked.

• We still think Kanye West is a talentless idiot, but concede that he is an enormously influential one. For that reason, the fact that he's retweeting quotes from the brilliant conservative Thomas Sowell gives us a flicker of hope that a few minds may be opened to the reality of the Democrats' new plantation.

And now, let's get on with a little comedy! While tidying our office yesterday, we discovered an old and forgotten cache of Earwigs cartoons (albeit with only one caption each) which exist only on aging paper. As an act of historical preservation, we scanned them, and are sharing a few here: