Comey Over

The long-touted DOJ inspector general's report on James Comey's bizarre antics as FBI head was finally made public yesterday, and it's safe to say that it feels more than a little underwhelming.

Oh sure, it catalogs plenty of wrongdoing, but backs away from accusing Comey of intending to do harm...in much the same way Comey himself gave a ludicrous free pass to Hillary Clinton despite her demonstrable panoply of high and low crimes.

The report, which we admittedly haven't read in full owing to actually having A) a semblance of a life and B) no faith whatsoever in the DOJ, calls Comey's actions "extraordinary and insubordinate" - which sounds more like the title of a bad Matt Damon/Ben Affleck film than the final words Comey should hear as a cell door clangs shut behind him.

The report also mentions the desire of various FBI agents working on Hillary's case to "stop Trump," which sounds pretty darn politically motivated to us...but then, swamp dwellers seem to live by different rules.

Our takeaway is that the highly-politicized Comey and his crew destroyed the credibility of the FBI which isn't really a good thing for the rule of law in our nation. In fact, this inspector general's report mostly serves as another reminder that we are too often ruled by the lawless.

BONUS: HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, GOD

In a startling bit of research which definitively proves, once and for all, that "researching" is the easiest job on Earth, a composite picture of the face of God has been assembled based on the scientifically precise method of having 511 people look at mugshot-style faces and then choose the ones which most look like God. Presumably after the Almighty was being booked for something.

When a computer combined the selected sketches into a single image, it was revealed that many conservative Christians believe that God looks like Jimmy Fallon, while liberals saw God as being a bit younger, a bit more feminine, and a bit more likely to have a really long, detailed and annoyingly precise set of instructions to give the barista at Starbucks.

Frankly, we find the resulting image to be a little less than awe-inspiring. In fact, we think the only thing this pointless exercise proves is that people are spending a lot more time watching late night TV than reading the Bible.

Nork, Nork! Who's There?

President Donald Trump bumfoozled the world and the media for the umpteenth time on Monday when he had a successful meeting with North Korea's nuke-happy little dictator, Kim Jung Un, to talk about a world in which neither nation has to reduce the other to glowing radioactive debris.

This has, of course, been derided by Trump's critics (and they are legion) as either a completely meaningless gesture or a godawful tragedy of historic proportions. If not both.

We see it a little differently. Donald Trump has opened the door for meaningful progress with North Korea...and it's far too early to know if it will pay off or not. That being said, even getting to this stage was considered impossible by previous administrations, so Trump deserves considerable credit.

Based on the progress made, it seems that Kim Jung Un is a little more willing to deal with a President who takes a tough stance ("I will bomb you so bigly that your entire country will be like molten lava spraying from the devil's butthole") rather than the more nuanced approach affected by Barack Obama.

And by nuanced, we mean acting like a prissy pantywaist when he watched North Korea launch test missiles towards Hawaii on the freaking 4th of July and still gave no more reaction than a cocked eyebrow, pursed lips, and an exasperated sigh.

It was basically the same sneering reaction Barry would have at a formal dinner if he spied someone incorrectly using a salad fork instead of the escargot fork...while completely losing sight of the more important fact that any fork is a danger in the hands of a volatile, sociopathic murderer.

Here at Stilton's Place, we still don't really understand Donald Trump...but we do understand winning and, from the Left, whining.

And currently we're enjoying both.

BONUS: NORM!!!

"Dammit Bill, don't get any of her blood on my private email server!"

Bill Clinton continues to be the anti-feminist gift that keeps on giving. When recently talking about disgraced former Senator Al Franken getting busted for fanny fondling, the syphilitic ex-president offered up this rationale as a feeble defense: "The norms have really changed in terms of what you can do to somebody against their will."

Apparently in Bill Clinton's world, there was once a "norm" in which it was okay to have state troopers drag women to his hotel room, it was okay to drop trow and do an enticing weenie-waggle, it was okay to take sexual advantage of women too young and stupid to know better, it was okay to shove cigars up their tunnel of love, it was okay to threaten women (or worse) who didn't keep their mouths shut and, of course, it was okay in Bill Clinton's "norm" to rape a woman and leave her bleeding in bed after chewing on her.

And the Left agreed, for decades, that this not only was the norm but it was empowering for women. Because otherwise, they'd have had to condemn Bill Clinton and the loathsome wife who enabled (and possibly encouraged?) this appalling behavior.

#MeToo is finally saying the things that conservatives had been saying all along. Welcome to the club, ladies.

Soros Loser

One of the easiest ways of gauging the success of the Trump administration is by checking the misery index of progressive billionaire troublemaker George Soros. It's a perfectly inverse (and perverse) relationship, in which the better things get, the worse Soros feels.

Which is why Soros's recent statement that "everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong," is a cause for celebration among those of us who actually love America.

The sloth-like Bond villain, who was utterly convinced that his contributions to Hillary Clinton would amount to the successful purchase of a President of the United States, now thinks he was "living in my own bubble." Which isn't really rare among ultra-weathy self-worshipping liberal whackjobs who believe their own methane emissions smell like rose blossoms.

Soros, who still receives royalties from Lucasfilms whenever Jabba the Hutt appears onscreen, is convinced that Donald Trump is "willing to destroy the world" by doing things like trying to get the North Koreans and Iranians to give up their nuclear ambitions and building a strong American economy in which fewer people become slaves to the state.

Actually, George, he's only destroying your world...and the dystopian nightmare that you and your hirelings had planned for us.

So let us rejoice in Soros's misery and also be reminded of a very important truth: money can't buy happiness or, in some cases, plastic surgery capable of removing really hideous eye bags.

BONUS: "...AND EAT IT, TOO."

What we lack in geopolitical economic expertise here at Stilton's Place, we make up for with succinctness.