Much Ado About Trump Thing

Sadly, Trump also didn't instigate a nuclear war.

Looking at the most recent news cycle, we feel that our nation has reached a crisis point which requires the services of an exciting new superhero.

When alleged journalists lose their minds about Donald Trump and start screaming and foaming at the mouth, STFUman would suddenly appear with his trusty whiffle bat and thonk, thonk, thonk the hysterical newsperson on the noggin until either sanity or blissful unconsciousness was reached.

He would then dart away in a flash, remove his mask, cover his spandex uniform with street clothes, and slip the whiffle bat into his pant leg to make his escape unnoticed. Except for a really lopsided walk.

If he were available, STFUman would have had his hands full over the last couple of days as everyone on the Left and many on the Right lost their ever-loving minds over President Trump's press conference remarks following his one-on-one meeting with Vladimir Putin.

In a nutshell, and we've never used that phrase more appropriately, Donald Trump didn't turn to Putin during the press conference and call him a dirty, lying bastard who overthrew the 2016 Presidential election. Rather, Trump said that our intelligence services (which have been demonstrably dripping with anti-Trump corruption) have claimed there was Russian meddling, while Putin told him behind closed doors that there wasn't Russian meddling.

Trump then had the apparently treasonous gall to suggest that we try to solve this impasse by looking at actual physical evidence, like the allegedly-hacked DNC computer server which neither the FBI nor any other law enforcement agency has ever even looked at.

This entirely reasonable suggestion basically opened the gates of fake news hell. Subsequent stories declared Trump to be a traitor and tool of Putin, and his press conference appearance was likened to Kristallnacht, the Cuban Missile Crisis, 9/11, and the attack on Pearl Harbor. One congressman even tweeted that it was time for the US military to step up to the plate, presumably to stage a coups d'etat to preserve democracy. Because nothing says "freedom" to Leftists quite like martial law and government at gunpoint.

Lost in all of this cacophony is any discussion of what Trump might have actually said to Putin behind closed doors before presenting a pleasant face for the press. For all we know, Trump told Putin that he'd rip the weasel-faced dictator's leg off and beat him senseless with it if there was even suspicion of Russian meddling in the future.

Trump has since offered a predictably confusing "clarification" of his press conference remarks, which strikes us as unnecessary considering that few outlets were reporting on what he actually said versus what they feverishly fantasized.

Frankly, we think this whole media uproar is another exercise in willful lunacy which is far more damaging to our nation than anything Russia could possibly do. We'd say even more, but we've got a lot of sit-ups to do if we're going to fit into that spandex uniform.

Vlad Tidings

"We won't Barry you."

The very idea of President Trump having a summit meeting with Vladimir Putin has thrown the Left into towering paroxysms of rage, terror, and confusion unseen since...well...actually we see them pitch these hysterical hissy fits all the time about pretty much everything, be it gender-binary bathrooms, a cartoon of a vegan-offending egg in a salad emoji, or the terrifying possibility of trade wars raising the price of Chinese-made pussy hats.

The stated fear of those on the Left is that Trump won't have the strength to stand up against Putin, whom they believe to be some sort of mighty warrior commanding the superior economic, technological, and military resources which have made modern day Russia into the White Wakanda. Which ironically has a small element of truth, in that Wakanda is pure fiction, too (but please don't tell this to Progressives - it would break their hearts).

The irony here is that those on the Left seemingly had no problem with Saint Soetoro, just prior to his reelection, whispering (so as not to tip off those pesky American voters) that he would be offering Putin much more "flexibility" (about freaking missile deployment, no less) after the election.

That's the kind of flexibility which is most closely associated with the generous use of KY Jelly, and which was emblematic of Barry's method of "assuming the position" for every "tough guy" state in the world, be it Russia, Iran, North Korea, or a jihadi califate. Not for nothing was his leadership strategy accurately described as "bleeding from behind."

We're also a bit confused by the Left's insistence that Trump can be easily shoved around. Aren't they the ones who've been calling him Hitler since the day he took office?! Say what you will about old Adolf, but he didn't exactly have a reputation for being a pushover in his dealings with Russia or anyone else. But then, those on the Left aren't exactly exalted for their knowledge of history.

Here at Stilton's Place, we're certainly not expecting much positive to come out of the meeting between Trump and Putin, but we're also not expecting to lose anything at all. And after 8 years of Obama, that's still a glorious feeling.

Peter Unprincipled

Things got very contentious yesterday as highly-ranked rogue FBI agent (and wife-cheating sexual hound dog) Peter Strzok was questioned by the House Judiciary Committee about the screamingly obvious political bias he brought to two huge investigations.

In Hillary Clinton's email case, he declared her innocent long before completing the investigation or even interviewing her. In the Trump/Russia case, he decided that Trump was guilty and should be impeached before interviewing a single witness.

Put simply, this one high-powered official basically raped the American electoral system and the integrity of the FBI and is now desperately trying to cover his keister.

Not that he didn't have plenty of help during his questioning. No member of the GOP could get out more than a syllable of questioning before some Democrat nitwit would scream "point of order!" or "objection!" or "Whoohee! The jute mill is exploded!" just to stall the proceedings and keep Strzok from admitting his perfidy.

Sadly, there was no divine intervention of the sort shown in today's cartoon, which rather surprises us. After all, even though lightning is an unwieldy instrument of vengeance, we can't imagine that any collateral damage in Strzok's immediate surroundings would have been much of a loss.