The Return of Tan O'Clock News

As recently promised, we've added the "Tan O'Clock News" feature to keep it from being a waste of your time visiting on days when the news is slow or we happen to be afflicted with underproductivity. Hey, it happens to every guy and shouldn't be a cause for shame - right?But seriously, McCain is still dead, the Trump Investigation is still a completely bogus fustercluck, and it's no fun talking about a creepy basement-dwelling whackjob shooting up a videogame tournament (except to possibly wonder if his despicable crime will get him a slightly better cafeteria table in nerd Hell.)Of course, the announcement of a trade agreement with Mexico sent stock prices higher, but that's only "news" because nothing like it ever happened under Obama. Under Trump, it's been going on for over a year now.

So that's why you'r being treated to witty women again. Because we believe in celebrating minds.

EXTRA: DID YOU DO YOUR GOOD DEED DU JOUR?
We sent out a special email recently to alert the Stilton's Place community that one of our own was in need of assistance. For any of you who didn't receive it, the email discussed the physical and fiscal difficulties currently bedeviling (albeit not egg-related) one of our friends who visits the comments section frequently.

If you've got a couple of bucks to spare, or need to do penance for looking at the scantily clad ladies above, we encourage you to visit this GoFundMe page, read the story, and donate if you wish. Even small amounts from a bunch of good people really add up!

And to the many of you have already given generously, we can't thank you enough! 

John McCain

John McCain's passing is too big for us to ignore, yet we don't have a lot to say about the man other than he was unquestionably of importance, and that his personal story was...complicated.

There's debate about whether he was a hero or villain (or both, or neither). Some of the attacks on McCain, such as blaming him for the tragic fire aboard the USS Forrestal which took the lives of 134 men and injured 161 more, are oft-repeated but not true. Additional stories about his comportment during an extended period as a prisoner of war, and whether he truly earned the nickname "songbird" for speaking to the enemy, are hard to verify. Opposing stories describe his heroism while in the infamous "Hanoi Hilton."

He did, unquestionably, dedicate his life to public service. And that's something we respect, even if we didn't like most of his political stands (he was pretty much the original RINO), and even if his inept presidential run helped make Barack Obama our national nightmare for eight seemingly-endless years.

In the end, we can't weigh the worth of the man or know the entirety of what was in his heart. Which makes a moment of respectful silence all the more appropriate.

Hawaiian Aye-Aye-Aye!

A lot of people might get lei'd to rest...

Within the next few hours, we'll know if Hawaii has been devastated by its worst hurricane in decades, or if the fates have smiled once again on the islands and steered Hurricane Lane back out to sea.

If disaster is avoided, however, it certainly won't be because of anything the local government and emergency preparedness agencies have done (specifically on the island of Oahu, the home to Honolulu, Waikiki, and Pearl Harbor). To put it delicately, the officials' preparations would feel right at home on a pupu platter...because those plans are pupu from top to bottom.

A quick bit of back story: for many years, Stilton's parents lived on Oahu (a sibling still does), and so we were frequent visitors. The island is unquestionably spectacularly beautiful, but anything government has touched has gone straight to hell. Pretty much nothing works right in Hawaii, in part because the island's culture encourages a lackadaisical attitude toward anything like efficiency, responsibility, and basic competence. When visiting, our day-to-day mantra was "Nothing is easy in Hawaii."

It's among our most socialist states, with almost everyone getting some kind of handout from the government. It has the highest per capita homeless population of any state. Prices for everything are sky high. Their medical system has been described as that of a "third world country" owing to doctors fleeing the state because of unsustainably small payments from Medicare and Medicaid (a canary in the coal mine that we on the mainland had better pay attention to). And for many years, building standards were so lax (and builders so casually inept) that a significant percentage of homes offer no protection at all in case of emergency conditions. Frankly, Gilligan's Island had a way better model of sustainability in all ways.

Which now brings us to Hurricane Lane. Considering hurricanes are pretty much a known threat to Hawaii, you'd think they'd have emergency plans out the wazoo. But no, their plans remain firmly in their wazoos along with the residue of a lot of macaroni salad and Spam.

Residents are being warned to head to shelters for safety, but there are a few little problems with that. For one thing, no bureaucrats have bothered to keep a list of official shelters. In reviewing the shelters they can find, it seems that exactly none of them have been hardened to stand up to even a Category One hurricane (the weakest and most cuddly sized). But having the roof collapse on their heads may be the least of people's problems, because many of the shelters are located in flood zones. Apparently, the emergency preparedness folks never considered the likelihood that a hurricane just might be bringing along a buttload of rain.

If people do go to one of these unsafe shelters (and there's only room for about one fifth of the population), they're being told they'll have to survive in a 3 foot by 3 foot space for up to two weeks, they need to bring their own bedding and anything else important, and - oh yeah! - bring their own food. Because it never dawned on Hawaiian officials that people in shelters might actually need to eat. Although it being Hawaii, there's a fairly good chance that the waves crashing though the shelter doors will bring fresh fish, and coconuts will regularly be exploding through windows at 100 mph. So there are some benefits to living in Paradise.

We're obviously hoping the best for the people of Hawaii, but think this should serve as a graphic (and hopefully not deadly) reminder that there's a great danger in putting too much faith in government bureaucrats to watch after your safety, welfare, and future.

Which is, of course, exactly what those on the Left are shooting for. And if they get their way, we'll all be saying "Aloha" to our very way of life.

BONUS: ROOKIE MISTAKE

This got posted on Facebook on Wednesday, relating to the news of Michael Cohen trying to characterize Trump's hootchy-coo non-disclosure agreements into something more sinister.