COMMENTS:

TO REACH THE COMMENTS SECTION, JUST CLICK ON THE TITLE OF EACH POST!

Monday, September 3, 2018

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Labor Day Memories

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, ford, steering columns, unions, uaw, indianapolis, labor day

Today is Labor Day, a national holiday on which we celebrate the labor unions which have improved working conditions and pay so dramatically that the actual jobs now go to illegal aliens, because that's the only way for many manufacturers to keep from going out of business.

Not that it's our intention to bash unions today! Over the years, they've accomplished many positive things and put an end to some horrific working conditions. If you doubt us, try looking up some vintage photos of 8-year old coal miners and then try to get their eyes and faces out of your nightmares.

That being said, our personal experience working in a union shop left us with a highly negative attitude. It was in the early 1970's, and we had to join the United Auto Workers to work at a Ford factory in Indianapolis, Indiana. It was a summer job to earn college money, and we were moved around from assignment to assignment to cover for vacationing employees.

Our first position was a night shift driving a forklift. The work was simple enough - transporting pallets of materials from one place to another. The problem was that there wasn't nearly enough work to fill the hours. When we asked the foreman what we should be doing to put in 8 hours of productivity, we were A) glared at for being a college-boy asshole and B) told that we should find a place to hide and sleep through the shift like everyone else did.

It seems the other forklift drivers did their work in the first hour, then retreated to hideaways inside stacks of boxes where there were makeshift beds, Playboy pinups, and the all-important alarm clocks which told our fellow workers when it was time to wake up and go home. Our Protestant work ethic wouldn't allow us to do this (not to mention our fear of being crushed by falling stacks of crates "accidentally" tipped by our coworkers) so we were soon moved to daytime work on the assembly line.

This particular assembly line was for building steering columns. Every nine seconds, a unit would roll slowly by and we'd perform one quick operation on it...then move on to the next and the next and the next. There was nothing challenging about getting our contribution done in nine seconds (the union had established that this was exactly the maximum amount of work a laborer could do)...but we soon learned there was a complication.

Every man on the line not only knew how to do his own job, but also his neighbor's job within that nine second window (and without breaking a sweat). And so one man would come in every morning, punch in for himself and the second worker (who was still at home in bed) and do both jobs until lunchtime. Then the second man came in and the first man left for the day - with both time cards punched out at the end of the shift. Management knew this, but didn't dare challenge the union.

The "half day, full pay" scam eventually reached its logical conclusion when two geniuses sharing job duties figured out that neither of them would have to come in if they simply had a third guy punching their time cards in and out. And that's what they did for a long time.

And it worked out great until people driving Fords started dying because their cars suddenly veered out of control owing to the missing part in the steering column.

A massive recall followed, millions of dollars were paid in liability settlements and, of course, the two workers who were to blame were fired.

Briefly.

Yes, the UAW got them their jobs back. So fire up your grills, have a great Labor Day and for the love of all that's holy drive carefully.

Friday, August 31, 2018

Labored Day

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, labor day
In the time it takes Charlie to wonder if it's safe to say "Quit monkeying around," his co-worker's noggin is chopped off.
We're taking a somewhat relaxed approach to the blog today in part as an early start to Labor Day weekend, but mainly because we're on an anti-allergy medication which is making us even more brain-dead than usual. Then again, maybe it's the "news" itself that's to blame.

Among the allegedly big stories are the ongoing observations of John McCain's death, and catty discussions of who has or hasn't been invited to his funeral. Full disclosure: despite our high profile in the nation's alternate media, we weren't invited to the funeral - perhaps owing to our frequent references to Senator McCain as "chipmunk cheeks."

In Florida, a white gubernatorial candidate with a black opponent (who happens to be a wild-eyed anti-Trump, anti-ICE, Bernie Sanders socialist) is being accused of blatant, howling racism after warning voters "don't monkey this up." Sadly, this is the sort of thing that happens when a politician wants to tell voters "don't f*ck this up" but then tries to ad-lib a more family-friendly word. The lesson, for anyone who needs one, is that it doesn't really matter what you say to or about a liberal - they will be offended.

Almost not in the news, unless you happen to be looking at Fox News under an electron microscope, is the story that Hillary Clinton's infamous private server was very likely hacked by the Chinese, who not only got every one of her emails but actually got her correspondence in real time owing to malware they put on her unprotected computer. Apparently authorities have been aware of this for years, but somehow no public declaration has been made about her compromising every top-secret document she ever laid her claw-like hands on. Unsurprisingly, the FBI has denied any possibility that this could be the case, because serial liar and Clinton butt-plug Peter Strzok says he personally checked it all out and everything was peachy.

In the entertainment industry, the upcoming film "First Man," about Neil Armstrong's amazing journey to the moon, is generating a lot of positive critical buzz...but also a bit of controversy. Why? Because in this socially conscious update, upon reaching the moon, the Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin characters don't put an American flag on the moon.

The scene was deliberately omitted to indicate that the achievement "transcended countries and borders." Or, in the petulant words of Barack Obama regarding other American accomplishments: "you didn't build that."

Frankly, the film now sounds like it transcends our need to see it.

"That's...one...small step...for man...one giant leap...for...obfuscating history."
Enjoy your Labor Day weekend, celebrate safely, and we'll see you back here on Monday!

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

The Return of Tan O'Clock News

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, tan o'clock news, trump, mccainAs recently promised, we've added the "Tan O'Clock News" feature to keep it from being a waste of your time visiting on days when the news is slow or we happen to be afflicted with underproductivity. Hey, it happens to every guy and shouldn't be a cause for shame - right?But seriously, McCain is still dead, the Trump Investigation is still a completely bogus fustercluck, and it's no fun talking about a creepy basement-dwelling whackjob shooting up a videogame tournament (except to possibly wonder if his despicable crime will get him a slightly better cafeteria table in nerd Hell.)Of course, the announcement of a trade agreement with Mexico sent stock prices higher, but that's only "news" because nothing like it ever happened under Obama. Under Trump, it's been going on for over a year now.

So that's why you'r being treated to witty women again. Because we believe in celebrating minds.

EXTRA: DID YOU DO YOUR GOOD DEED DU JOUR?
We sent out a special email recently to alert the Stilton's Place community that one of our own was in need of assistance. For any of you who didn't receive it, the email discussed the physical and fiscal difficulties currently bedeviling (albeit not egg-related) one of our friends who visits the comments section frequently.

If you've got a couple of bucks to spare, or need to do penance for looking at the scantily clad ladies above, we encourage you to visit this GoFundMe page, read the story, and donate if you wish. Even small amounts from a bunch of good people really add up!

And to the many of you have already given generously, we can't thank you enough!