All The News That Fits

Excuse our scattershot approach, but this is one of those days when the news has, as Emperor Joseph II once told Mozart, "Too many notes."

Mixed situations and mixed emotions, all hitting hard and fast while we're still sorting through the emotional baggage left over from the midterm elections. And our immediate reaction is to simply stare and shake our heads as we try to incorporate these many stories into a cohesive whole.

Not mentioned above is Jeff Session's resignation as Attorney General, and all the wild speculation going on about what will happen next regarding the Mueller investigation. We're betting that will turn colorful in a hurry. And we expect some amusing showboating from Nancy Pelosi soon, as she struggles to demonstrate that she's still young and hip enough to wield the Speaker's gavel.

Two stories above do have an interesting connection: CNN's Jim Acosta lost his White House press credentials owing to repeated instances of being an aggressive, repugnant douche nozzle - and the mainstream media is going nuts about this "threat" to the First Amendment. But there is not a whisper of comment or complaint from these same sources after a howling mob attacked the home of Fox News personality Carlson Tucker, battering his door until it cracked, and screaming that he would not be safe.

We trust that if a masked mob staged a similar assault on the home of Joy Behar, it would be a major story in the mainstream press, and probably provoke an outright call for martial law.

It's all a bit overwhelming, which is why the weekend is arriving just in the nickel dime. May it be restorative for all of us and - God willing - the Republic.

Poll Cat

Yes, nothing says topical, post-election humor quite like a quantum theory joke! But considering the fact that we're writing this on Tuesday afternoon and don't know which way the elections are going to break, we couldn't help but think of Schrodinger's cat in a sealed box and its unresolved state of possibilities.

In much the same way, our immediate political future is in an unresolved state as these words are written...but by the time you read them, you'll know whehter Schrodinger's ballot box opened to reveal the electoral equivalent of a happy, purring, pampered kitty...or an appalling fly-infested mix of whiskers and rotting guts infested with feasting News maggots.

(Note: our sincere editorial apologies to any readers who read that last bit while still working on breakfast.)

Lacking the ability to expound further (we actually have a lot more to say about quantum theory, but have yet to meet anyone who was glad when we did), we're looking to you readers to help carry the conversational ball in the comments section today. Are we celebrating today or mourning? High-fiving or standing on ledges? Beats us...but in either case, it's not unlikely that we'll have a hangover today.

And speaking of confusing realities, we'll end this by noting our baffled reaction to alleged comedienne Amy Schumer's "get out the vote" tweet in which she showed an ultrasound of the child she's carrying in order to express the vital importance of people getting out and voting in order to keep unfettered abortion as available as drive-thru hamburgers.

Put another way, even Schrodinger's box isn't as confusing as Schumer's.

LATE NIGHT UPDATE

It would appear that the Dems have retaken the House, and will be even more annoying now. Idiots, socialists, and radicals will be committee heads, and specious congressional investigations into Trump, Kavanaugh, and probably everyone reading this blog will become a significant monkey wrench jammed into the machinery of America's recent successes.

Damn.

If Your Election Lasts More Than Four Hours...

Yes, we spelled "poling" that way on purpose.

Tomorrow is Election Day, and one way or another it's going to pack a wallop. We're either going to see the effective end of the Trump experiment as House Democrats begin two years of unending lawsuits, investigations, and impeachment attempts...or delicious agony and despair from Leftists as they're forced to endure ongoing gains in pretty much every measure of American success.

Actual logical discourse about which party should win has pretty much disappeared, as exemplified by the Democrats' ad in which a bunch of naked women stare dolefully at a camera while holding paper ballots over what is apparently the only important part of their anatomy.

Their message is clear enough: "we are ambulatory reproductive systems without enough sense to practice simple birth control or, God forbid, abstinence, and nothing matters to us other than the convenience of killing babies."

Seriously, shouldn't all women be offended by this campaign? Especially when they notice that there's no corollary in which men are being encouraged to vote with their schwanzstuckers?

The choices in this election are stark: mobs versus jobs, capitalism versus socialism, hate versus debate, division versus unity, logic versus emotion, and responsibility versus hedonistic chaos.

On Tuesday night, things are going to change. And sadly, the naked truth is that we don't know which way.

AND FROM THE VAULT

She'll be voting. Make sure you do, too!