Jingle Belle Rocks

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The news may be grim, but we'll be damned if we're not going to at least try to put a smile on your face on the last Friday before Christmas! And who better to make that happen than America's favorite sugarplum, Busty Ross!

It would be indiscreet of us to mention what part of Miss Ross shakes "like a bowlful of jelly" when she laughs, but we'll admit to working a lot of Christmas-themed jokes into office conversation lately. For instance,  "How much did Santa's sleigh cost?" Answer: "Nothing, it was on the house!"

And no, Miss Ross didn't laugh either. 

Nor were we laughing when looking over recent news: thanks to the Fed's decision to shoot the Wall Street wounded, our portfolio has officially become a portfoliette, Mad Dog Mattis has announced that he's leaving the Trump administration in February, and 2019 is shaping up to be the year of unending idiotic legal proceedings to hamstring the President. 

But despite all of that (and much more), we're actually in a pretty good mood. Daughter Jarlsberg returns home for the holidays today, our neighborhood is ablaze in Christmas lights, and tidings of comfort and joy are in the air. Our favorite Christmas songs are playing nonstop, and our thoughts have turned to Peace on Earth and good will to men. And women. And "others," too - what the heck.

But most importantly, we want to say... "Hey Busty! What do angry mice send each other in December? Cross mouse cards!!!"

Wow. Tough room.

BONUS: Speaking of shaking things up for Christmas, this should do the job nicely!

Christmas Trimmings

In what should come as a shock to absolutely no one in these gender-confused times, a new poll has revealed that 27% of respondents would prefer Santa Claus to be female or gender neutral.

Mind you, the poll revealed additional results besides those suggesting that kids should go to bed on Christmas Eve while waiting to hear the clop, clop, clop of Bruce Jenner's track shoes landing on the roof.

Some respondents want Santa to have dreadlocks, to wear skinny jeans, get tattoos, and drive a convertible - suggesting not only gender confusion, but a significant mid-life crisis for Santa.

According to one respondent, "I just feel like a white, old man giving presents is kind of creepy." No doubt because in this person's mind, an endless supply of presents should actually be given away to all by a faceless, genderless government.

Which is, of course, largely funded by old white men who don't even get the option of deciding whether their funds will go to the naughty or the nice.

A Christmas Peril

With Christmas only a week away, Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi are cementing their names near the top of the Naughty List by threatening a government shutdown rather than allow funding for the border wall that President Trump is demanding.

Their gambit carries more risk than usual, owing to the fact that Trump is entirely willing to see the government shut down and take credit for it.

It's a bit unclear exactly what form such a shutdown would take, as Democrats are still smarting from the last time they pulled this stunt and became laughingstocks for punishing the public by closing national parks, monuments (including the Vietnam Memorial), and forbidding families from looking at Old Faithful or Mount Rushmore.

Here's what we had to say about government shutdowns way back in 2013...

The question of whether or not a border wall will be funded is more than just a "tinkle contest," as Nancy Pelosi would say. Consider this first hand report from a good friend of ours:

I was given a personal tour of our Arizona southern border today by a border patrol agent. Basically, not much of a border. Don’t believe what the MSM and politicians tell you about our secure border. This gent asked me to share photos and what he saw. They caught around 35% of what they actually "saw." There aren’t enough agents to cover the entire southern border. Drones don’t work if you can’t get to the bad guys fast enough.

Last night, he spotted 30 illegals, called in, they caught 7 at night and two more in the morning. Guess what, 21 got away. Thousands of them got away daily, he said. There is no such thing as natural barriers. They will go over 8,000 ft elevation to enter our country at will. When Pelosi and Schumer said we don’t need the wall, they’re full of sh*t. He also stated that the majority of the agents favor a gov shutdown. Middle easterners are caught weekly and those are the ones caught.

I could write a chapter on my four hours down there. I felt strange as if I was in another country. He often referred to the area as occupied land. I was downright depressed at the end of the day. Final note, these border patrol agents work nonstop day and night to keep the bad guys out with very little resources, but they show up 24/7 to keep us safe. 

Here's a picture of a section of the existing "border wall" that our friend took:

You MAY not have an effective wall if it needs to be bolted to the ground to keep illegals from stealing it.

Border security is a serious issue which is currently not being treated seriously by pretty much any politicians other than Donald Trump. Hopefully a real showdown may change that.