Fetal Distraction

Believe it or not, we're actually trying to make a serious point in the cartoon above (with a tip of our hat to Jonathan Swift and his "modest proposal").

Considering the nightmarish abortion laws being pushed and passed (something that fewer and fewer babies will get to experience), just what is the difference between going Texas Chainsaw Massacre on a baby in the process of being born, or slicing and dicing a gentleman's johnson which happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Both baby and man are separate individuals from the woman, with their own DNA, blood type, heart beat, and hopes to survive the experience of intimate contact with a woman. Both are presumably someplace where they were invited by the woman to be. And both are intended by nature to be pulled intact out of a vagina in order to go on with the rest of their lives.

Granted, our example is extreme - but where is the error in our thinking? We've certainly got science and biology on our side. The only difference is legal (ie, semantic) - and the apparent belief that life itself should be defined by neither physicians, philosophers, nor theologians - but by politicians. Who are technically the lowest life forms on Earth.

FROM THE VAULT...

AND ON A PERSONAL NOTE...
Happy Birthday to my father (who art in Heaven, albeit not necessarily the fanciest part, and quite likely on probation). He was conceived under circumstances which would likely lead to an abortion these days (the product of my paternal grandmother and a traveling piano teacher who apparently also gave organ lessons), and I'm damn glad he made it into this world. He created a lifetime of happiness for a lot of people.

Many Are Cold, But Few Are Frozen

Considering the arctic weather conditions in much of the country, we thought it appropriate today to pull some climate-related cartoons out of the "Hope n' Change" deep freeze. Enjoy!















Stay warm, everyone!

Underground Railroaded

Okay, before anyone gets too wildly bent out of shape by the cartoon above, let us admit that we're only reporting on appearances here - and in the Wild World O' Trump, appearances can be deceiving. We honestly don't know if Donald Trump's temporary end of the government shutdown is a cave or a Burmese tiger trap with sharpened punji sticks waiting to impale overly cocky Democrats (and yes, we're looking at you, Chuck Schumer).

When the impasse had been broken (for a 3 week financial extension), Schumer crowed that he'd "taught Trump a lesson." Those words may well come back to bite him - and soon. Because the lesson Trump should have learned is to never expect the Dems to relent for the good of the country or the benefit of the citizenry. So if deadlock turns to shutdown, Mr. President, keep things shut down until you get your damn wall, fence, or alligator-filled moat.

Of course, Trump probably felt some sympathy for the temporarily out of work federal employees who, we're told, are starving to death in droves and being bulldozed into mass graves because they're frankly too stupid to know how to manage their money or shop.

Seriously, we just received a notification from the North Texas Food Bank (to whom we voluntarily give regularly and generously) asking for additional donations owing to all of the federal employees who are elbowing aside the poor to get their hands on free food.

To which we'd like to offer, in complete sincerity, this little tidbit of potentially life-saving wisdom:

That's right, hungry non-essential federal workers! For less than 10 bucks at Costco, you can get 48 hot, delicious meals of the same type enjoyed by actual college graduates who are in much, much deeper debt than you are! That's 3 meals a day for 16 days! Toss in another $10 and you can buy a mega-jar of gummi multi-vitamins to stay in optimal health! Another $10 will get you two jars of protein-rich peanut butter, each of which is roughly the size of your head. Want more choices? Add some frozen peas, a raw egg, or some sriracha sauce to your delicious, inexpensive noodle feast! Like your noodles crushed first? Hand the package to a hungry TSA Agent and ask him/her to imagine it's someone's crotch!

And we're strongly recommending that you get your bureaucratic butts in gear and stock up now, because thanks to the arrogance and intransigence of Democratic "leadership," the next shutdown - which starts in under three weeks - will probably last until 2020.

Speaking of which...

BONUS: BERNIE THE DINOSAUR

In fairness, he might ACTUALLY run if he hears Hillary pumping a shotgun behind him...

With both socialism and insanity reaching new heights of popularity, Bernie "Why Did I Come Into This Room?" Sanders has made it clear that he's launching a brand new campaign for the presidency. Presumably, his main platform will again be ending income inequality by "cutting up the financial pie like the Manson family going after Sharon Tate."

Truth be told, we're very excited about seeing the various Dems queue up to get into the race, for the same reason that we loved attending the glorious "10-in-1" carnival Freak Shows of our youth. Entertainment just doesn't get any better, assuming you can keep from upchucking your corndogs.