From The Vault: Statue of Limitations

Before going any farther, we'd like to kick off today's post with an idea we had which was inspired by the Jussie Smollett fiasco and our desire to bring together people of different races and political ideologies...

Washing instructions: extreme cold, no bleach

Yep, that should do the trick!

Although truthfully, rather than a hat which heals our nation's great divide, what we really needed today was a thinking cap...because we couldn't bring ourselves to do a new cartoon about the Oscars, owing to the fact that we don't give a tinker's damn about anything the idiots in Hollywood want to jam down our throats or up our rear ends.

Which is why it seemed a good time to revisit this cartoon from January 19, 2015...

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Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day. And what better way to celebrate the progress of Dr. King's magnificent vision than to take note of the fact that in today's America, "racism" is defined as failing to give enough statuettes to black millionaires in Hollywood.

At least, that's the opinion of Reverend Al "Taxes Is For White Folks" Sharpton, who has somehow become the ludicrous heir apparent to Dr. King's legacy. Following the announcement of this year's Oscar nominations, Reverend Al called an emergency meeting of his Diversity Task Force to address the fact that there were no black actors or directors nominated for top awards.

"In the time of Ferguson," Sharpton said while squinting into his word-a-day dictionary, "that is incongruous!"

Fortunately, the Diversity Task Force came up with a brilliant idea and announced that the always-diverse Black Entertainment Television network will now host the all-black Hollywood "Sharpie Awards."

There will be awards for "Best Blacktor" and "Best Blacktress," as well as awards for "Best Denzel Washington Movie," "Best Movie With Tyler Perry In A Housedress," "Best Movie That Oprah Had Any Damn Thing To Do With," and the "Samuel Motherfucking Jackson Lifetime Achievement Award" which, it is rumored, will be posthumously awarded to Ferguson's own Michael Brown for his non-moving performance in "Hands Up, Don't Shoot."

Currently, neither the Reverend Sharpton nor his Diversity Task Force has announced plans for a Martin Luther King "Content Of Character" award.

Jussie's Girl

Waves of sadness swept through the nation's progressives yesterday when it was revealed that, tragically, Trump voters don't actually hate black people or gay people, don't hurl hurtful epithets, and don't try to hang actors from spindly sidewalk trees in the midst of a polar vortex, while being careful not to bruise their victim's tuna sandwich from Subway.

Rather, it now seems that Smollett staged the entire thing, including sending a terroristic-threat letter filled with white powder, and his oh-so-tearful ABC interview, all in a ploy to get a pay raise on his TV show.

That's right, this wasn't even really about Trump-hating (though Smollett successfully guessed that this would put the media solidly on his side). Rather, it was about getting more money for the already overpaid little mofo, and using any tool - including inciting a race war - to get it.

Let's be clear here. We already know that Smollett took a big, steaming dump on white men in general and Trump-supporters in particular. But he also dropped big, squishy deuces on the legacies of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr, Matthew Shepard, and every other person who has ever suffered real discrimination because of their race or sexual orientation. Smollett took all of that history and all of that pain and thought, "I can make money with this." If there's a worse racist than Smollett in the country right now, we certainly can't think of who it might be.

Although there are plenty of people in second place: the "news" reporters, tweeting celebs, and politicians who gleefully disregarded all of the immediately glaring flaws in Smollett's preposterous story, and instead ramped up hate and racial division in our country because that's what they love to do, and that's what their political ambitions are built on. Meanwhile, Trump and Trump-supporters just quietly go on with their business of treating other folks equally while building an economy that is demonstrably more favorable for blacks and hispanics than anything dreamed of under Barack Obama.

Smollett's crass scheme was to get more money and bigger parts. We're pretty sure that the money won't be happening, but we rather hope he will be getting those bigger parts, lube free, every time he tries to shower in prison for the next several years.

Of course, he's not off to the hoosegow quite yet. He still needs to complete his contractual commitment to his miserable TV show. Which, we're guessing, won't take long...

"Emmy, here I come!"

Berned Again

So many Democrats are currently throwing their hats into the presidential ring, it's like watching lemmings cascading from a fiscal cliff.

The latest entrant is the 77-years-young Socialist Bernie Sanders. Considering that absolutely nothing about the candidate or his ideas is truly new, we feel like it's appropriate to commemorate his entry into the race with some similarly shopworn cartoons from the political past.

Don't think of it as laziness on our part. Think of it as "redistribution of humor."







But in the end, Bernie ended his 2016 run when he received an offer he couldn't refuse...