School of Fort Knox

We're enjoying watching the big college admissions scandal story unfold, as it's got a little something for everybody. Hate rich people? Hate people who game the system? Hate people who live in a privileged bubble that you'll never enjoy? Hate Hollywood celebrities? This fraud's for you!

And while we chuckled over the hypocrisy of Senator Elizabeth "Princess Cheekbones" Warren saying that she has zero sympathy for people who fudge collegiate documents to get ahead (ironically while she was giving a clandestine "White Power" gang sign)...

...we couldn't help but be reminded of the long-running and highly plausible rumor that Barack Obama (or Barry Soetoro as he called himself at the time) got major funding help from Occidental College by claiming to be a foreign student. Of course, we can't confirm this blatant fraud - nor can Lefties disprove it - because Obama had the documentation sealed from public view...much like every other piece of information about his past. Because "transparency" apparently works best when armed guards protect your secrets.

But the college admission scandal isn't really about politics - it's about privilege, and those who abuse it. Actress Lori Loughlin apparently paid $500,000 to get her daughters into a good school, an amount for which you could probably buy entrance for a dead hamster or a small bowl of succotash. One daughter was already earning $300,000 a year on Youtube and questioned why she even needed college (not a bad point), though allowed that she'd grudgingly attend to enjoy "game day and partying."

We frankly doubt that this distracting, shiny object of a scandal (seen any major stories about FBI mattress Lisa Page testifying that Obama's DOJ ordered the FBI not to pursue charges against Hillary?) will make any real impact on fixing America's badly broken college system. But we do hope to see the guilty appropriately shamed and punished, if only to enjoy a brief moment of nostalgia for the way justice is supposed to work.

And who knows, maybe in this case it will...

Speaking of fake documents, we admit we made this one up.

BONUS: KILLER IDEA?

Hey, this might seem like a screwy idea, but it's not as screwy as what California's Governor Gavin Newsom just signed into law. When convicted killers have more protections than kids, the world is badly out of whack.

Impeach Impaired

Something very interesting has happened in the last couple of days. With hints that the long-awaited Mueller Report might finally be issued at any moment, the anti-Trump impeachment rhetoric of rabid Democrat dogs Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff has changed remarkably.

Perhaps after getting insider information that the Mueller Report will be less a hurricane than a butterfly fart, the two (and other democrats) are suddenly striking a much more subdued tone "for the good of the country." Right. As if either has ever showed interest in what was good for our country.

"Unless there's something so compelling and overwhelming and bipartisan, I don't think we should go down that path," said the ever-bipartisan House Speaker through tight-pressed, botoxed lips, "because it divides the country." And if there's one thing the Democrats clearly don't want, it's to divide the country...except by race, gender, religion, class, sexual orientation, culture, fiscal worth, or citizenship status.

In similarly measured tones (perhaps after quaffing a similarly measured amount of taxpayer-funded booze from Nancy's drink cart), Adam "When I Hit The Fan" Schiff reluctantly mumbled "A bipartisan process would have to be extra clear and compelling." As opposed to, presumably, made up out of whole cloth by a cabal of liars looking to overturn our last Presidential election.

Of course, the loud "beep-beep-beep" of high-ranking Democrats trying to back up may be due to more than just leaked information that the Mueller Report is going to be absolutely inconsequential. Because in a recent interview, Trump said that if the Democrats "want to play tough," then he will declassify documents which will be "devastating" to them.

This may be total BS on Trump's part (he is, after all, a more efficient manure spreader than you'll find on even the largest factory farm), or it might be actual truth. But if it is, we don't think Trump should be using it as a bargaining chip.

Rather, he should go ahead and drop the mother of all Truth Bombs on the Democrats (and deserving Republicans, for that matter) then start rebuilding our government in the smoldering, slightly radioactive crater that used to be the Washington swamp.

Sproing Forward, Fall Back

Oh sure, there's plenty of interesting and meaningful news worth talking about today, but we can't really do it. And why? It's because we're bleary-eyed, disoriented, and sick to our stomach, owing to the governmental curse called Daylight Saving Time.

And while we're not normally conspiratorially minded, we can't help but connect a few dots. Today, we could be writing about AOC accusing the United States of being "garbage" in statements made at the South By Southwest gathering in Austin, TX, or writing about the Democrats killing a bill to limit voting to actual citizens. We could be writing about House Democrats' tacit endorsement of anti-semitism, or the increasing panic among the Left-leaning that the Mueller report - if the damn thing ever comes out - will have absolutely nothing of substance about Trump's alleged Russian collusion.

But nooOOooo. Because the government is spreading sleeping sickness far more efficiently than any tsetse fly could ever dream of (see what we did there?), we're limited to tapping randomly on our keyboard while blinking with heavy-lidded eyes and thinking wistfully of death by ritual Seppuku just to end our zombie-like torpor.

And sure, people say that the nightmare of DST works itself out over the course of a year, but at our age we don't really consider that a guarantee. Instead, we look at the situation more like our friend Johnny Optimism does...

We'd say more, but at the time of this writing on Sunday night, the clock says it's 7 o'clock, yesterday at this time it was 6 o'clock, and our body - deprived of an hour of sleep this morning - says that it's 10 o'clock. Yeah, the math doesn't add up, but that's our whole freaking point.

Hopefully, but not likely, most of our malaise will have passed by Wednesday. If you need us in the interim, we'll be in bed wearing a tear-stained sleep mask.

BONUS: MORE OF THE SAME!