Shrieker of the House

The above cartoon accurately quotes the seditious Nancy Pelosi, but the words we've put in Trump's mouth simply represent our fantasy...and what we've been personally muttering about Pelosi for quite awhile.

Pelosi's remarks were made while she was conspiring with Jerry "Quick, Get Me An Orange" Nadler and other high-ranking Democrats about whether or not to impeach Trump. Meanwhile, the President was busy overseas, commemorating the 75th Anniversary of D-Day, meeting with heads of state, and "winning hugely" on every front.

Pelosi, on the other hand, is caught in an internal power struggle amongst Democrats who are torn (albeit not in the drawn-and-quartered sense, we're sorry to say) about a possible impeachment action against Trump. Pelosi is fighting the tide in her own party, saying that Trump should not be impeached because it will galvanize his base for the 2020 election, and that she would rather see him defeated at the polls and subsequently tried, convicted, and imprisoned for his "crimes."

Additionally, Pelosi is telling the pitchforks-and-torches contingent in her party that for an impeachment to proceed, two important conditions must be met: public support and strong bipartisan backing. We would have thought another necessary condition would be having evidence of high crimes and misdemeanors, but apparently Nancy can skip this inconsequential Constitutional detail as long as she feels like her withered political ass is covered.

FROM THE CRYPT...ER, VAULT

D-Day 75th Anniversary

Today marks the 75th anniversary of D-Day, the battle that helped turned the tide of World War II - but at a terrible cost in human lives. When the first wave arrived at Normandy Beach, the casualty rate was an unthinkable 90%. Yet wave after wave kept arriving and kept fighting their way to the heavily fortified cliff tops.

Many thousands of our fallen remain in Normandy today, their resting places marked with simple white crosses. Row upon row of memorials to young lives given in the name of freedom and liberation.

Let us never forget their sacrifice, nor give too little credit and appreciation to all who serve and have served in uniform through the years. Some gave all...all gave some. We are in their debt.

Film at Eleavenworth

Because Hollywood wasn't already sickening enough, Hillary Clinton and daughter Chelsea have just announced their intention to create a new production company which will "plan to focus on stories by and about women." Including, we presume, those many unfortunate women born with tallywhackers.

The duo are following in the footsteps of other political figures who have recently struck big development deals, including Barack and Michelle Obama, Valerie Jarrett, and Susan Rice - all of whom will bring a rich diversity of socio-political voices to an industry which was starving for politically correct Progressive content.

The company being formed by Hillary and Chelsea (who are already involved in aggressive fundraising) is intended to capture the nation's hearts and minds from the very start...

Impressively, Bleachbitch Productions already has a full slate of films in the works (none of which will be shot in Georgia owing to an expected shortage of dead babies) which will appeal to fans of every film genre. To date, the projects announced include:

THE STOLEN THRONE (Historical Drama) - On the eve of the coronation of a new Queen, an evil court jester seizes power with help from scheming cossacks and deplorable peasants.

OH, WHAT A TANGLED WEBB (Comedy) - A young socialite is stunned to realize that she's the spitting image of her mother's ham-faced goofball former law partner.

GLOW (Action Thriller) - Cancer-stricken Russian orphans will die without radiation treatments. With time running out, one woman risks everything to get them a life-saving supply of U.S. uranium.

HONEY, I ERASED YOUR WEDDING (Comedy) - The wedding of the century is put at risk when the bride's mother accidentally erases a computer hard drive containing all the plans.

DEVIL WITH THE BLUE DRESS (Horror) - A family's personal and professional lives become a living Hell when they're haunted by a vengeful spirit in a stained dress.

IT'S A LIVING! (Romantic Comedy) - She's young, in love, and a con-artist who skims donations from third world dysentery victims. Now she'll take any job to keep her boyfriend from finding out!

ARKANCIDE (Suspense) - One by one, a powerful woman's enemies are dying in strange ways. To clear her name, she must find the real killer with the help of a dangerously violent former football player.

They all sound great and they're all coming soon to a theater, or federal prison, near you!