The Retractions Are Coming Five Minutes Apart

Well, there's egg on our face today, and we've got the journalistic integrity to admit it. We had a whole "Stilton's Place" ready to go which was poking fun at the New York Times for running a seemingly bogus story about a new (albeit not new at all) allegation of sexual misconduct against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

A story which became so widely repeated that virtually every Democrat and news outlet started screaming once again for Justice Kavanaugh's immediate impeachment or, perhaps, burning at the stake.

Our skepticism about the story was related, in part, to the fact that the "sexual assault" described by the NY Times (and not remembered by the alleged "victim") did not sound like anything that was even humanly possible.

But then this morning, the NY Times printed an addition to the story that makes it all too plausible:

Reaction to the update on the story was swift and dramatic, with Democrat presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke declaring, "Hell yes, I'll take his huge dick," ironically leaving fellow candidates Kamala Harris and Pete Buttigieg with nothing to say on the subject.

In the interest of providing a quick and thorough investigation of the NY Times' latest allegations, Justice Kavanaugh has agreed to be questioned by representatives from the Guinness Book of World Records.

FROM THE VAULT: DRIVEN A FRAUD LATELY?

Party Mouths

Biden's homage to "The King's Speech"

Democrats in general aren't very happy that, in the most recent debate, candidate Beto "The Mean Kids at School Called Me Francis the Talking Mule" O'Rourke had an unexpected moment of truthfulness and bellowed out, "Hell yes, we're gonna take away your AR-15!"

While this kind of candor might not make for smart politics, we frankly found it refreshing and wish that more Democrats would open every pronouncement with "Hell, yes!" before saying exactly what they really mean.

"Hell yes, we're going to seize the means of production!"
"Hell yes, we're going to keep killing babies!"
"Hell yes, we're against the Bill of Rights!"
"Hell yes, we're going to punish white people!"
"Hell yes, we're going to destroy the middle class!"
"Hell yes, we're coming for your retirement savings!"
"Hell yes, we're trying to flood the country with illegals!"
"Hell yes, we want to encourage voter fraud!"
"Hell yes, we're an incestuous bunch of clueless, sociopathic idiots!"

Okay, they're unlikely to ever admit that last one, but it's pretty much implied.

BONUS: HE'LL CURSE THAT BRIDGE WHEN HE GETS TO IT

Of no great importance but considerable amusement value, it's worth noting that one of the odder moments in Joe "I'm Not Going Crazy" Biden's debate performance occurred when it appeared that his dentures (if they are dentures) had come loose.

While listening to a question, Biden can be seen trying to rearrange things inside his closed mouth using his tongue, puffing out his cheek, and making "nom, nom, nom" chewing motions - before finally opening his mouth to reveal gleaming choppers displayed so aggressively that they'd even give Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's dentist nightmares.

Then again, maybe Uncle Joe had just finished a tasty piece of saltwater taffy and was caught off guard while he was trying to choke down the wax paper.

LATE BREAKING BONUS: CEREAL KILLERS

Here's Joe telling the story in 2017. Presumably, he's two years less lucid now...

Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th, and we knew our bad luck had started this morning as soon as we heard the heartbreaking news that a flaming asteroid hadn't smacked into last night's Democrat debate. Meaning all ten candidates were able to further expound on their plans to kill the economy, our freedoms and, of course, lots and lots of babies.We haven't completely caught up on their latest round of claptrap yet, but we have been reading the specifics of what Elizabeth Warren (whose popularity is skyrocketing in the prestigious Totem Poll) has in mind if elected - and it's way worse than anything Jason Voorhees could do with a machete.

President Liz (presumably in full feathered headdress) would introduce a concept she calls "accountable capitalism," which the Wall Street Journal succinctly summarizes as a plan which is "an assault on retiree wealth" which would "destroy savings built over a lifetime and sink the economy."

Think they're exaggerating? Warren wants every business in America worth $1 billion or more to be compelled to become a "federal corporation" in which 2/5 of the directors must be elected by the workers. And rather than primarily serving stockholders, these "federal" corporations would be ordered to serve "the workforce, the community, customers, the local and global environment, and contribute to the betterment of community and societal factors."

In other words, every large company in America will go belly up, taking retirement investments with them.

All considered, we'd prefer to have the maniac with the hockey mask running our economic policies rather than any of the ten Marxist candidates who are currently giving us goosebumps.

UPDATE

We watched quite a bit of the debate (well, all we could stand), and it was even more disturbing than we expected it to be. So much anger and hatred. So many lies. So much loathing of our country and disparagement of large portions of our citizenry.

Not to overstate the case, but if any of these candidates wins the presidency we can kiss the American experiment goodbye.

FROM THE VAULT: TIMING IS EVERYTHING