The Schiff Hits the Fan

On Thursday, the House of Representatives held a big vote to agree upon the rules for proceeding with an impeachment "inquiry" which isn't an actual impeachment and, from the sound of things, won't be much of an inquiry either.

According to the measure, which passed with near universal support from Democrats and universal opposition by Republicans, televised testimony will take place with Democrats asking questions of Democrat-selected (and coached) "witnesses." In the interest of fairness, Republicans can also subpoena witnesses unless the Democrats don't like them or don't want the American people to hear from them.

All in all it's a fake process designed to look like impeachment proceedings, in which President Trump will be not really impeached for committing high crimes of phone etiquette, the charges about which are also phony.

We would call this a kangaroo court, only kangaroos can beat the living stew out of anyone who honks them off, so we won't insult them by comparing them to this mendacious collection of anti-American shitweasels.

We might alternately call this Kabuki theater, only when you insult those guys they sneak up on you quietly (despite their traditional wooden clogs) and then split you down the middle with a samurai sword.

So we'll just call this what it is: a travesty, an attempted coup, and a blatant act of treason committed by an entire political party.

Albeit not one without a sense of humor...

Too soon? We couldn't care less.

HALLOWEEN UPDATE

Stately Jarlsberg Mansion

Despite our worries, the weather for Halloween night was crisp and dry - perfect, really (although it got cold). So we were able to set up our full complement of inflatables (that purple blob is actually a giant spider eating a life-sized skeleton), psychedelic lights, and music/sound effects.

Fewer kids that previous years, but the ones who showed up were appreciative. Got a few teens without costumes, too - but they were pleasant enough and said "thank you," so good for them. All in all, it was a lovely evening!

Happy Halloween 2019

We take Halloween pretty seriously at Stilton's Place, as evidenced by these actual interior decorations we've been enjoying for most of the month...

We're also ready with a full contingent of outdoor decorations for the trick-or-treat crowd, including inflatables, video projectors, creepy music, and psychedelic lighting - all of which we think would make great additions to future Democrat debates!

Unfortunately, rain and wind are predicted for Halloween night so we may just end up shaking our fist at the sky and shouting "How DARE you?!" Greta Thunberg-style, then watch ice cold drizzle through the windows while eating the tiny candy bars that were intended for costumed kids.

But hope springs eternal, and we'll still be ready to make the outside of stately Jarlsberg manor suitably creepy if there's a break in the weather.

And speaking of hope springing eternally, we'd like to share the graphic below from our good friend Johnny Optimism. Every year on that site, we post a collage of decorated Halloween wheelchairs as a reminder that when Life gives you lemons, you should kick Life in the ass and throw your lemons at it, then do something totally awesome.

Considering the all-too-spooky news lately, we think it's a timely bit of advice. So enjoy Halloween, and take optimism and inspiration from these kids (and their wonderful parents)!

(Note: Just in case you feel like you're experiencing deja vu, honesty compels us to admit that much of this is an updated version of our 2018 post. Think of it like year-old Halloween candy that you discover in the back of the pantry and eat anyway because it's probably still good.)

BONUS: FROM THE CRYPT...

Pieces in Our Time

And if there are enough vests for everyone.

Saturday night "live" is what ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi wasn't following a daring special forces operation last Saturday night. Troops went in, cleared the compound - killing those who resisted - then closed in on al-Baghdadi himself.

The ISIS leader scurried down a dead-end (literally) tunnel with three of his children, then blew all of them to bits with a suicide vest.

President Trump, in a statement Sunday morning, made it clear that al-Baghdadi "died like a dog. He died like a coward. Whimpering, screaming, and crying. The thug who tried so hard to intimidate others spent his last moments in utter fear, in total panic and dread, terrified of the American forces bearing down on him."

Trump's willingness to take a metaphorical leak on al-Baghdadi's grave stands in stark contrast to Barack Obama's more measured (to put it mildly) statement upon the killing of Osama bin Laden. Obama described Osama as a terrorist and killer, but did not further personalize attacks on bin Laden's character nor the manner of his death. And we should note that as an additional show of respect for bin Laden (and not Islam, because Obama specifically stated that "Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader"),  Obama ordered the terror mastermind's body to be washed and wrapped per Muslim tradition, then immediately buried at sea without further forensics.

We'll also note that Trump gave full credit and praise to everyone involved with locating and exterminating al-Baghdadi, while Obama's statement made it sound like he'd personally grabbed a headband and hunting knife and gone Rambo on bin Laden. Which hardly squares with reports that Obama had to have his happy ass dragged off a golf course to watch the bin Laden raid, and the raid might actually have taken place over Obama's objection. (It's worth noting that the White House later confirmed Obama's golf outing, but characterized it as a brilliant ruse to keep the press from knowing that something important was happening. Which, in all candor, strikes us as breathtaking bullshit.)

Be that as it may, we're pleased to see that American justice is being meted out with a firm hand, and that Mr. Trump is not allowing partisan (and likely criminal) domestic resistance to interfere with the performance of his Presidential duties.

BONUS: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F**K?!

We thought we'd said all we needed to say above. Then we saw this actual headline from the Washington Post...

We couldn't believe that ANY newspaper would really send this out, but we checked and double-checked and it's true. According to the WaPo, Trump is just knocking off "austere religious scholars" rather than ridding the world of murderous terrorists.

Which is why, if the Washington Post is ever burned to the ground by an angry torch-bearing mob (God forbid), our headline will be "Newspaper Writers Attend Barbecue."