Funny Business

In these stressful political times, it's important to remember to laugh from time to time - especially about topics which are knee-slappingly funny like murder, pederasty, and sex trafficking.

At least, that's what Progressives find hilarious based on an interview in which The Daily Show host, Trevor Noah, asked Hillary Clinton how she killed Jeffrey Epstein - and was greeted with shrill, psychotic, Joker-style laughter by the First Lady of Arkancide. As opposed to, oh, a denial.

Alleged non-candidate Hillary was appearing on the show along with international diarrhea expert Chelsea "Daddy says it's not incest if I'm Webb Hubbell's" Clinton to promote their inspirational new children's book, "Gusty Women."

No, wait - the book is called "Gutsy Women" and it's filled with examples of women who, like Hillary, were strong and unapologetic historical trailblazers. Little girls (including, of course, those with a penis) can thrill to the colorful exploits of Lucretia Borgia, Lizzie Borden, Ma Barker, Aileen Wournos, Bonnie Parker, and Typhoid Mary - all of whom were gutsy enough to kill scores of people while laughing like hyenas.

And all of whom knew that Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.

FROM THE VAULT: THE SANDERS OF TIME

We'll skip our usual lengthy diatribe about Daylight Saving Time other than to say that we hate this temporal torture with every fiber of our jet-lagged being and don't appreciate, when 6 o'clock rolls around, being as in the dark as an MSNBC viewer.

The Schiff Hits the Fan

On Thursday, the House of Representatives held a big vote to agree upon the rules for proceeding with an impeachment "inquiry" which isn't an actual impeachment and, from the sound of things, won't be much of an inquiry either.

According to the measure, which passed with near universal support from Democrats and universal opposition by Republicans, televised testimony will take place with Democrats asking questions of Democrat-selected (and coached) "witnesses." In the interest of fairness, Republicans can also subpoena witnesses unless the Democrats don't like them or don't want the American people to hear from them.

All in all it's a fake process designed to look like impeachment proceedings, in which President Trump will be not really impeached for committing high crimes of phone etiquette, the charges about which are also phony.

We would call this a kangaroo court, only kangaroos can beat the living stew out of anyone who honks them off, so we won't insult them by comparing them to this mendacious collection of anti-American shitweasels.

We might alternately call this Kabuki theater, only when you insult those guys they sneak up on you quietly (despite their traditional wooden clogs) and then split you down the middle with a samurai sword.

So we'll just call this what it is: a travesty, an attempted coup, and a blatant act of treason committed by an entire political party.

Albeit not one without a sense of humor...

Too soon? We couldn't care less.

HALLOWEEN UPDATE

Stately Jarlsberg Mansion

Despite our worries, the weather for Halloween night was crisp and dry - perfect, really (although it got cold). So we were able to set up our full complement of inflatables (that purple blob is actually a giant spider eating a life-sized skeleton), psychedelic lights, and music/sound effects.

Fewer kids that previous years, but the ones who showed up were appreciative. Got a few teens without costumes, too - but they were pleasant enough and said "thank you," so good for them. All in all, it was a lovely evening!

Happy Halloween 2019

We take Halloween pretty seriously at Stilton's Place, as evidenced by these actual interior decorations we've been enjoying for most of the month...

We're also ready with a full contingent of outdoor decorations for the trick-or-treat crowd, including inflatables, video projectors, creepy music, and psychedelic lighting - all of which we think would make great additions to future Democrat debates!

Unfortunately, rain and wind are predicted for Halloween night so we may just end up shaking our fist at the sky and shouting "How DARE you?!" Greta Thunberg-style, then watch ice cold drizzle through the windows while eating the tiny candy bars that were intended for costumed kids.

But hope springs eternal, and we'll still be ready to make the outside of stately Jarlsberg manor suitably creepy if there's a break in the weather.

And speaking of hope springing eternally, we'd like to share the graphic below from our good friend Johnny Optimism. Every year on that site, we post a collage of decorated Halloween wheelchairs as a reminder that when Life gives you lemons, you should kick Life in the ass and throw your lemons at it, then do something totally awesome.

Considering the all-too-spooky news lately, we think it's a timely bit of advice. So enjoy Halloween, and take optimism and inspiration from these kids (and their wonderful parents)!

(Note: Just in case you feel like you're experiencing deja vu, honesty compels us to admit that much of this is an updated version of our 2018 post. Think of it like year-old Halloween candy that you discover in the back of the pantry and eat anyway because it's probably still good.)

BONUS: FROM THE CRYPT...