The Tooth Hurts

Soon to be a delightful children's book!

Help came in a most unexpected form last Friday, when a knife-wielding terrorist on London Bridge was repeatedly jabbed with a five foot narwhal tusk - keeping him busy until police could arrive on scene to end the incident with a highly satisfying use of boomsticks.

For many people, this has raised serious questions like "what the hell is a narwhal" and "how soon can we get more of them on the streets?"

Per the illustration, a narwhal - sometimes called "the unicorn of the sea" by people who apparently don't have any idea what a horse looks like - is a medium-sized cold water whale that has a long, pointed tusk (technically a canine tooth). And while we desperately wish we could say a narwhal suddenly leaped out of the Thames, Seaworld-style, to skewer the (ahem) "radical Islamist" and then be rewarded with some raw fish, the reality is that the tusk was pulled from a display and used as a weapon by one of two men (the other used a fire extinguisher) who ran towards danger and fought the maniac until police arrived.

We're not really expert on all the fine print in the Koran, but we'd like to think that when a terrorist is killed while being prodded with a narwhal tusk, his eternal reward will be 72 sea urchins rather than virgins.

BONUS: BIDEN SUCKS

Finalist: Creepiest Candidate Ever

We're not even going to try to say anything about this picture to make it more idiotic or repulsive than it already is. If you're looking for an explanation, well, it's Joe Biden gumming his wife's fingers for the same reason that some people climb mountains: because they were there.

The picture was taken at an event on Biden's wondrously-named "No Malarkey" tour which, hopefully, begins with an explanation of what "malarkey" means in the highly unlikely case that anyone in the crowd is below Medicare age.

Presumably, in the same tour, the eternally youthful and "with it" Uncle Joe will also be proposing newfangled ideas and no lollygagging when it comes to helping hornswoggled voters who won't put up with any more tomfoolery.

Black Friday

Everyone likes Thanksgiving leftovers, right? At least, that's the theory behind our doing this repost of our "Black Friday" blog from a couple of years ago, so we can continue to enjoy our tryptophan coma rather than working, thinking, or moving today. We'll probably still fart from time to time but, truthfully, that's not really limited to the day after Thanksgiving...

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Robinson Crusoe goes shopping

No politics or editorializing today - just continuing good wishes for all who are enjoying leftovers and a salute to those of you who are hitting the stores today in search of crazy deals.

Mind you, we think fighting the crowds is borderline insane - but it's good for the economy, so more power to you! And now that we reflect on it, a $300 big screen TV would look good here in the office and it would be a business deduction. Hmm...

High Crimes and Table Manners

Yesterday, President Trump did the annual pardoning of Thanksgiving turkeys (there were two this year, named "Bread" and "Butter"), and we're fairly positive that there must be a lot of people angry about this for whatever reasons they can cook up in their fevered minds ("Sure - he pardons white turkeys!")

We're looking forward to Thanksgiving with the Texas portion of our family tomorrow, overeating, and catching up on family news. And the Jarlsberg family has much to be grateful for this year, not the least of which is simply being together.

Since we're already prepping for the big day, we're going to share some of our favorite Thanksgiving leftover cartoons from years past, and wish all of you a great and meaningful Thanksgiving. It is a day to celebrate and show gratitude and humility for the many blessings bestowed on all of us, including our friendships (whether in person or meeting here in the electronic ether).

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!