This is a magical and merry time of year, so we didn't want to harsh our holiday buzz by thinking about politics today. That's why we're presenting this very special holiday treat: THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA,
exactly as written by Stilton's father many decades ago.
THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA
Santa is a
very mean man, no matter what you may think.
Perhaps you've heard him called Saint Nick? No...they're
two completely different people.
Saint Nick is a jolly man who brings grown-ups and children all the wonderful things and gifts they've hoped for or asked for...for the whole year. He always makes sure that every daddy and mommy and child at every home gets no less that $197.15 worth of first quality merchandise every Christmas...and sometimes even more!
However, Santa Claus
follows Saint Nick, and as soon as Saint Nick comes out of the chimney, down goes Santa Claus. He looks at all the wonderful gifts and immediately takes the best ones and puts them in his bag. He fixes all the plastic toys so that they will break quickly, and if a toy uses batteries, he replaces these with
very weak batteries that will not work long.
He changes clothing items for sizes that will not fit and hides the sales receipt so they may not be easily returned. He also substitutes bad colors for good on any clothing gifts for girls. If he finds candy in the Christmas stockings, he exchanges it for some candy he carries which will make children sick.
When he has done all he can think of to make people unhappy, he shoots up the chimney to his sleigh...making sure that the reindeer kick loose a few shingles in their departure. This will make the roof leak and ruin the plaster and lose Daddy thousands of dollars when he attempts to sell the home.
Santa then takes all the good toys and presents he has stolen and gives them to bad little boys and girls who do not deserve them. And these bad little children will laugh at good little children like you because they got what
you wanted!
This year, maybe bad Santa will give good Saint Nick some candy to make him sick on Christmas Eve. If that happens, everybody will get "Christmas surprises" that are very surprising indeed!
JOHNNY OPTIMISM UPDATE
The free Johnny Optimism ebook promotion is over, and it was a huge success! Lots of books got download, lots of reviews have been written (thank you so much!), and a gratifying number of paperback books were purchased.
As promised, we looked at the total profit for the paperback books and it was a bit shy of $50 (there were quite a few sales, but we'd priced the book so low that there wasn't much profit per copy). In any event, we kicked the total up to $100 and made a donation from all of us to a group called "Canines for Disabled Kids." Hey, what says "Johnny and Lance" more than deserving kids getting service dogs?
Merry Christmas to one and all!
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| If you bought a paperback, then this is YOUR donation too! |
