From The Vault: Filmy Residue

We're taking the day off, but still wanted to share this old post about our (ahem) "enthusiasm" for the Academy Awards...
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Please tell us you recognize Oscar Wilde...

Sunday sees the annual return of the biggest alleged event in entertainment: the Oscars, wherein the creme de la creme of Hollywood glitterati will be honored for their latest and greatest achievements in hastening the decline of Western civilization.

Along with the awarding of golden statuettes which probably won't be used as sex toys, viewers can look forward to being scolded about the sin of seeing women as sexual objects by women whose actual sexual objects are bursting out of their designer gowns.

There will also likely be more than a few stern words spoken (accompanied by tears after plucking out a nostril hair offscreen) condemning guns by thespians who make millions by pretending to shoot dozens of blood-geysering people onscreen, then retreat to their mansions surrounded by heavily armed guards.

Politics aside, we suppose there might be some recognition of actual artistic merit, but we don't actually care because we haven't seen any of the nominated pictures. Why? Because the whole experience of visiting movie theaters sucks these days.

The prices are insane, there are always going to be 2 or 3 trailers which attack conservative values, and audiences have no concept of how to put their smartphones away and - oh yeah! - shut the hell up while the movie is playing.

Seriously, people who annoy us in movie theaters bring out homicidal tendencies which we're usually pretty good at suppressing. Which is why we weren't entirely without sympathy when reading the recent story of a woman, Shameeka Latrice Lynch, who attended a showing of "Black Panther" and got into an argument with another patron about who had the right to an assigned seat.  When rhetoric failed to resolve the issue, Shameeka hauled a pistol out of her purse and fired a round into the theater's ceiling.

But here's what bothers us: in all of the news stories about this regrettable incident, no one has reported whether or not it was actually her damn seat. Frankly, if some dirtbag was squatting in her reserved seat and refused to move, we think she's got a case.

In any event, this is why we wait for films to reach streaming outlets where we can enjoy them in the peace and quiet of our own homes, except when gunplay erupts over who'll get the best seat. And very rarely, we've even been known to venture out to the local Dollar Cinema (we're a lot more receptive to most movies when we're not out $30 before the show even starts) for the earliest showing on a weekday. Not only are the theaters mostly empty, but the few attendees tend to be retired folks who have the courtesy to either stay silent or simply fall asleep while gumming their popcorn.

So good luck to Hollywood, and may they enjoy their big night and the drug-fueled, sex-crazed parties afterwards. Most of which would probably make for more entertaining viewing than the dreck which actually hits the silver screens.

The Rhett Butler Memorial Dam.

2020 UPDATE: You know that dollar theater we mentioned above? It was "improved" by putting in stupid reclining seats that you have to reserve online, and we're now out of ways to see anything in a theater that Hollywood bothers to vomit in our direction for under $30. We're hoping that following the 2020 election, President Trump can Make Movies Cheap Again.

Window of Opportunity

There's been a lot of news in the last 48 hours, much of which has been absolutely delightful. Topping the list, the U.S. Senate fully acquitted President Donald Trump of the impeachment charges leveled against him by out of control (and beneath contempt) Democrats.

Not that this will really put an end to the animosities in Washington. In fact, everything has been turned up to 11, and we're now seeing (and enjoying!) bareknuckled open warfare between Trump and the Democrats.

As a case in point, following the President's outstanding and inspirational State of the Union address, Nancy Pelosi made a point of holding the pages of the speech aloft and tearing them to pieces...

Not that this hateful gesture made any real impact on Trump...

And so life moves on, with the Democrats now trying to subpoena John Bolton in hopes of starting new impeachment proceedings, and Republicans looking deeper into the Biden family's corruption scandals. Guess which one we think is more likely to pay off?

BONUS: GLASS HALF FOOL

No, you're still just an asshole.

System Overload

There's way too much to comment on today, so we'll just have to give you some short takes.

IOWA CAUCUS SNAFU - Per the cartoon, we think we can blame Democratic mischief and Democratic incompetence for the spectacular fustercluck which was likely intended to produce the credibly faked results that the DNC really wanted. Another perfect example of why Democrats shouldn't be trusted to run anything. Not to mention a great example of which party really interferes with honest elections.

IMPEACHMENT CIRCUS - In his closing argument before the Senate, Adam "Popeye" Schiff actually claimed that if Trump were not found guilty and removed from office, he could give Alaska to Vladimir Putin in return for election interference in November. If Schiff continues snarling and foaming at the mouth like this, we'd advise him to avoid the street on which Atticus Finch lives. Then again, maybe we wouldn't advise him of that.

CORONAVIRUS - We're not panicking, nor do we think anyone else should. But that being said, this nasty virus has gotten our attention and, at the moment, we think the potential gravity of this situation is being severely underreported. We've been following daily Youtube updates at this link which seem pretty substantive...and darned worrisome.

The point currently being made on that site is that this would be a really good time to lay in some practical supplies for your home just in case we all need to go into social isolation (have you seen the pictures of the empty streets in China?) and self sufficiency while this plays out. If you need a starting place for finding out what sort of things are really handy in a pandemic (besides chocolate bars, nylon stockings, and a lot of Clan MacGregor), we found a handy little ebook on Amazon that was free last time we looked. You can get it here - though do make sure it's still free before you get it.

THE STATE OF THE UNION - We're writing this before the speech has been given, so we can't tell you what was in it. But we can tell you what we hope was in it: a complete ass-reaming of all the assembled Democrats who have so thoroughly and enthusiastically betrayed this country and the Constitution...and still failed to bring down the President who'll have plenty of good news to share.

And finally, the only story we really want to talk about today...

The one and only. A magnificent patriot and an inspiration to millions.

On Monday's broadcast, RUSH LIMBAUGH shared the news that he has been diagnosed with late stage lung cancer. We're still in shock and more than a little disoriented. This isn't how the world is supposed to work.

More than ever, we desperately need Rush's clarity of thought, keen analytical abilities, unsurpassed ability as a communicator, his wonderful sense of humor, and the calming influence of his optimism and positivity. His accomplishments and his ongoing importance cannot be overstated.

Rush Limbaugh, through his radio presence, was our personal conduit into the world of Conservative thought. When he first appeared in the Dallas radio market, we heard that he was a whack job and raving wild man of the airwaves. And so we tuned in, expecting an enjoyable freak show. We couldn't have been more wrong.

What we heard on Rush's show was sanity and perspectives we'd never thought about previously. In fact, it was Limbaugh who made us realize that we hadn't really been thinking at all when it came to politics, just acting on feelings and untrue stereotypes. Which is one of the reasons why, years later, we're still blogging to do penance for the many Democrats we voted for when we were young and stupid.

In our home, Rush Limbaugh has become a friend and companion. A constant over the years, and someone who we knew could both enlighten us and simultaneously lighten our burdens.

Rush's cancer diagnosis has hit us hard emotionally, but we're a long way from giving up hope. Limbaugh is a fighter, and we don't believe that we've heard the last from him. He has a rough medical road ahead, but hopefully he will be buoyed by the sentiments and prayers of the millions who love him.

And in the meanwhile, we'll do our best to soldier on right here - speaking truth as accurately as we can while mixing in enough humor to make it go down smoothly. A combination which we definitely learned from the man behind the golden EIB microphone.

BREAKING NEWS: Rush Limbaugh received the Presidential Medal of Freedom at last night's State of the Union Address! What an unexpected and delightful moment.