This won't be a regular post, but considering the way everything seems to be going to Hell, it's hopefully better than nothing.
We're away from our hermetically sealed office at Stilton's Place, and are currently helping daughter Jarlsberg pack up the last of her things here in Oklahoma where, apparently, it's considered the height of good manners for strangers to cough on you.
Meanwhile, we've caught just enough of the news to know that the contents of our portfolio, if cashed, will fit neatly inside a ragged sock which we can take with us when we start living under a bridge (if you see a sad-looking bum holding a sign specifically asking for a few bucks for Clan MacGregor, please give and give generously).
On the home front, we're about to be enjoying the comforts of self-isolation because, for one reason or another, everyone in the household falls into one high-risk category or another. And not just because this column regularly makes fun of Hillary Clinton.
We can't even make a fresh cartoon because we don't have the software with us. It's like a world gone mad! But just for fun, here's a blast from the past when another President was in charge of plagues and (surprise!) screwing it up...
FROM THE VAULT
The first case of Ebola contracted inside the United States has now been documented in Dallas, after a nurse who bravely treated "patient zero" Thomas Eric Duncan tested positive for the virus. Disconcertingly, she was infected despite wearing full protective gear (trust us, "hazmat-chic" will soon be the new fashion rage).
The Center for Disease Control quickly responded that the nurse must have been responsible for a "protocol breach," because, as every political organization knows, nothing can stand up to protocol, including hemorrhagic fever.
Barack Obama, stealing a few precious moments between fundraising, golfing, and conceding defeat in the Middle East, attempted to quell public fears by saying you can't catch Ebola "by sitting next to someone on a bus." Which is why the CDC is suggesting a new protocol in which medical professionals will skip the hazmat suits and simply treat patients while seated next to them on a bus.
Still, these palliative measures will accomplish little unless the United States can keep additional Ebola carriers from our shores. To that end, the president has ordered Homeland Security and the TSA to upgrade their screening procedures for people entering our country. Formerly, people were simply asked if they've had contact with Ebola victims. Now, after answering "no," they will also be asked to cross their hearts - a security measure previously only used to identify potential terrorists.
To be absolutely fair, it's not Barack Obama's fault that Ebola has found its way into our country. Although it is his fault that tens of thousands of young illegal aliens have crossed the border and been squirreled off to God knows where while carrying scabies, tuberculosis, and in all likelihood the enterovirus which is (ahem) mysteriously infecting children across our nation.
And importantly, it's also his fault that in a time of medical crisis neither the "healthcare" president nor his representatives in the CDC appear to have a well-coordinated response to Ebola - or any credibility whatsoever.
Unless, of course, there's anyone else on the bus.
