It's Funny You Should Mask

The cartoon above is posted as a public service reminder that no matter how much we're all desperate to get back to normal life, masks are going to play a hugely important role in making that happen.

And not everything is bad about wearing a mask. For instance, many of us now appear to be only half as ugly. A piece of spinach stuck in your teeth? Who's going to know! Plus, masks give everyone a certain air of mystery and drama; just this morning, while walking our dog, a wary neighbor declared that we looked "threatening." A sentiment we tried to defuse, unsuccessfully, by sounding a loud, villainous "bwah-ha-ha!" laugh. After which, social distancing was no problem whatsoever.

Of course, if everyone is healthy at home, there's no need to wear a mask in the house (unless you're taking "playing doctor" to a kinky new level). Rather, you can just relax and spend this time with simple, shared family activities to help you beat cabin fever...

The Hell You Say

Sure, these are semi-apocalyptic times - but to remind people just how good they've still got it, we're paying an actual visit to Hell today guided by my father.

Not that he's in Hell (as far as I know), but rather because, decades ago, my Dad wrote funny captions for the many illustrations in a tattered, century-old edition of Dante's Inferno. Which may help explain why I've been inspired to do the same sort of nonsense my whole life. The nuts, as they say, don't fall far from the tree.

But now, let's check on those who fall from Grace. And for anyone sensitive to the smell of sulfur and brimstone, be sure to wear your N95 mask...

It's a moth joke - get it?

Have a great, safe, and socially isolated weekend!  -Stilt

Endorse You Rode In On

This was even harder for him to say than "radical Islam."

The big moment that virtually no one was waiting for finally happened yesterday, when Barack "Sorry about using all the N95 masks" Obama officially endorsed Joe "Where am I?" Biden for President of the United States.

Obama gave the endorsement in a 12-minute video posted to Joe Biden's Youtube account. Or at least, we're told by media outlets like NPR and CNN that the endorsement was in there somewhere, because we'd rather go into an emergency room and have total strangers cough spittle directly in our face for 12 minutes than spend that much time listening to a skeevy America-hating douchebag that we've already had our fill of.

Biden himself, sequestered at home with padlocks on the outside of his doors, is dividing his time between selecting a female VP candidate ("We need someone with a...um...whatchamacallit. Damn. No, wait! Virginia!") and excitedly trying to catch a bright red dot being projected by a laser pointer scotch-taped to a slow-moving ceiling fan.

Meanwhile, out in the real world (which you may not have recognized since it's wearing a homemade mask)...

Tip of the hat to Mrs. J for this one!

There is still an inherent tension between Dr. Anthony Fauci's understandable desire to extend Covid19 lockdown measures, and President Trump's understandable desire to restart the economy before our national house of financial cards collapses. And that's fine - it's a complex issue which isn't going to have a simple answer.

What really concerns us is the mainstream media's ongoing attempts to drive a wedge between the two men, reporting gossip and planting false rumors, just to cause trouble. While this kind of crap is sadly normal in normal times, these are anything but normal times. This sort of juvenile game-playing during a time of severe national medical crisis amounts to attempted sabotage which could cost lives.

Which is why it's more important than ever to ignore the purveyors of fake news and, if at all possible, to try to convince them that plastic laundry bags can be used as personal protective masks.