Whirled Health Organization

The WHO has spoken, but (wait for it!) we won't get fooled again. Once more, they've opened their inept, over-funded, Chinese-owned yaps to spread completely incorrect information about SARS-CoV-2, then issued an immediate retraction when their lies were challenged.

In this case, we're referring to their announcement several days ago that there was virtually no risk of contagion from asymptomatic spreaders, as such cases were "very rare." Which meant that society could reopen fully and, as long as someone wasn't running a fever or hacking up a lung, social distancing and masks could be forgotten. Hooray, right?!

Only they've now issued a "clarification" that what they really meant to say was that up to 40% of coronavirus transmission might be due to asymptomatic spread but "more information is needed." Information which they apparently get by spending way too much time on Facebook.

Let's be clear: Covid-19 is still a critically serious world crisis...and one which gets worse every time blatant misinformation from the World Health Organization spreads virally.

FLOOR SHOW

It's official: "cultural appropriation" now only applies to sombreros.

To show their support for George Floyd and, apparently, their African heritage, on Monday Democrats solemnly pretended to kneel on a black neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. Which brings the total time they've been kneeling on black necks to about 100 years, 8 minutes, and 46 seconds.

We marvel, and not in a good way, at what the thought processes must have been behind this repugnant idea:

"Maybe we should finally allow black kids to go to good schools?"
"Nah - teacher's unions."
"Close the borders so illegal aliens don't take jobs from black Americans?"
"What - and lose our nannies and lawn crews?"
"Why don't we stop paying Planned Parenthood to abort black children?"
"No way - we'd lose the women's vote!"
"Okay, let's finally renounce Senator Robert Byrd - the longest-serving Democrat senator in U.S. history - for being an Exalted Cyclops in the Ku Klux Klan!"
"C'mon, let bygones be bygones."
(A long pause as brains are wracked. Then...)
"Let's pretend that George Floyd was from Africa and we can all dress up as Africans!"
"BRILLIANT! Now let's raise taxes and get lobster bisque for lunch!"

For this very sincere ceremony which was in no way a cheap, transparent, condescending grab for black votes, Nancy Pelosi was given the tribal name "Kunta Kente." Kente is the traditional African fabric seen in the neck wraps the Democrats were wearing. And Kunta is, well...let's just say that it fits Nancy Pelosi perfectly.

Complete Cop Out

In order to prevent even a single future case of police malfeasance, liberals are now demanding to "defund the police" (which essentially means cutting training budgets, which won't give us better cops) or getting rid of the police entirely and replacing them with (wait for it!) unarmed Rapid Response Social Workers.

No, really.

We're not exactly sure how this would work. Would a social worker visit a crime in progress and attempt to disarm the perp with a forceful show of empathy? Or ask a rapist to stop pumping for a moment to consider what his victim's feelings must be? Or perhaps thwart a bank robbery by pointing out to the bandits that, in the end, money can't really buy happiness?

If attempted, we predict that this bold new initiative could be very effective in causing an uptick of rapes, murders, and robberies of social workers. Not to mention getting their "rapid response" electric cars stolen.

Realistically, all these social workers could really do is show up at crime scenes after the fact, and help the victims and survivors (if any) process the experience in emotionally healthy ways that don't in any way denigrate those who have been forced into crime by unfortunate circumstances and societal injustice.

Still, we want to be fair about giving this new system a chance. So we suggest that the first team of rapid response social workers be deployed to Chicago to clean up that pesky "inner city black genocide" thing. Because in those mean streets, there are clearly a lot of killers who desperately need a hug.

TALLY JOE!

Even though our disease-ridden, riot-plagued nation is overdue to catch a freaking break, it didn't happen last week when Gropin' Joe Biden finally scored enough delegates to assure that he'll be the Democrat nominee for president.

In complete sincerity, we welcome Biden's guaranteed place in the race because, in these troubled times, it's reassuring to know that we'll never run out of comedy gold.

Keep Comedy and Carry On

We're doing our best to keep laughing these days, although it's entirely possible we're just hysterical. Our society is currently juggling a pandemic, racial strife, looting and rioting, ongoing proof of years of traitorous duplicity from the FBI, DOJ, and Obama administration, and a newly raging debate about how much tear gas is "too much" to use on one's way to church.

And yes, we know it wasn't tear gas - just friendly smoke bombs and mischievous eye-scorching irritants - but shoving all those accurate words into the paragraph above would have broken the comedic flow. And right now, that flow (and the flow of Clan MacGregor) is about all that's keeping us sane.

Well, that and the camaraderie of friends in the comments section (as always, just click on the title of today's cartoon to get there). See you there!