A Little Horseplay

After skinning our knee pretty spectacularly a few days ago, we've been reminded of the old adage about scabs: if you pick at it, it won't get better.

Wisdom which we thought we'd also try applying to the news today: if we don't pick at it, maybe it will eventually get better.

Lame Ms.

In a tense world of ever-growing threats, it's good to know that we can still count on unintentional comic relief from New York congresswoman Alexandria Ocarina-Quartets!

The far, far, far Left congresswoman is well known along with Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, and Ayanna Pressley for being part of a radical group called "The Squat" which meets, appropriately, in adjoining lady's room stalls.

But acting on her own, the once-and-future bartender recently hosted an online town hall meeting during which she was asked about New York City's sudden and dramatic rise in violent crimes...

"Maybe this has to do with the fact that people aren't paying their rent and are scared to pay their rent," she replied in a sentence only intelligible to Joe Biden. "So they go out and they need to feed their child and they don't have money so...they feel like they either need to shoplift some bread or go hungry."

Which would have been a perfectly good answer if Jean Valjean was in the midst of an extended murder spree or if the city was wracked by violent mobs of #BreadLoavesMatter agitators. But because neither of those is the case, it seems more likely that the congresswoman simply pulled the reply from her derriere in order to characterize violent criminals as innocent victims and responsible parents, while not mentioning New York City's defunding of its police force and the city's "catch and release" measures which put criminals back on the streets as quickly as possible.

Both of which policies, we're sure, the congresswoman considers to be the best things since sliced, albeit stolen, bread.

An Easy Commute

Last Friday was "a day which will live in infamy" for Leftists - who are likely unaware that the phrase has been used previously. In this case, it refers to President Trump's "Executive Grant of Clemency" commuting the sentence of former presidential advisor Roger Stone Jr - one of the higher profile prosecutorial victims of the Russian Collusion Hoax.

Those on the Left are fearful that if not kept in jail for life, the 67-year old Stone will embark on a wave of crime: setting buildings on fire, looting stores, strapping on a gun and claiming an entire urban neighborhood, toppling statues, defacing public monuments and, in his spare time, shooting dozens of black men, women, and children in Chicago.

Just kidding! The Left is actually totally cool with all of those things! What they're really afraid of is that Roger Stone will serve as a living reminder of their coup attempt and the corrupting of our nation's intelligence and law enforcement agencies.

And speaking of political dysfunction...

"There was this guy called Cornhole who was fascinated by the golden hairs on my legs..."

Joe Biden has announced his own plan to "Make America Great Again But Not A Donald Trump Kind of Great," which boils down to this: "buy American."

By which we assume he means to buy any of the literally dozens of products still made in our country, as opposed to actually buying an American the way Ukranian energy company, Burisma Holdings, bought Joe Biden by funneling money to his son, Hunter.