Okay, 2020, We Get The Joke Already

Thanks to medical science, Mrs. J will someday be able to wave again. Or at least give the finger.

It's getting a bit embarrassing to keep making blog posts about the fact that I can't really guarantee blog posts for awhile. And yet, here we are.

Recently, Mrs. J sustained a compression fracture in her spine which is not only painful in its own right, but also gave her a condition called "foot drop" which makes walking difficult, and greatly increases the risk of taking a fall. Which is, of course, exactly what happened on Wednesday afternoon. We were in the back yard planning some gardening chores when Mrs. J's foot snagged on an uneven service and she fell, hard, onto concrete.

This only days after receiving a diagnosis of severe osteoporosis, and a printout from the doctor saying "try to avoid falling." Which, to be fair, was topnotch advice.

At the Emergency Room, X-rays showed broken bones. Before splinting, Mrs. J was hooked up to the contraption above to slowly pull the bones back into alignment and, possibly, force her to reveal troop movements. Everything was then wrapped in bandages and her arm was put in a sling. Oddly, no pain meds were prescribed, which we're really puzzling over right now for all the wrong reasons. Damnit.

She was supposed to have the splint replaced by a cast today, but the orthopedic surgeon has decided to wait for a week to see if things are healing in a good way or not. Because "not" is what he's thinking, and the likelihood of surgery has been raised.

So this is sort of a rough time with a lot of forced changes in our daily lives, which makes it likely that I'll only post an actual cartoon if I get a "bolt of lightning" idea which is too good to waste. And that happens with a fair amount of frequency.

In any event, the blog will be here and I'll be here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but things are going to be patchier than usual for awhile.

BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE...

We're absolutely in favor of responsible mask-wearing during the pandemic. Still, we had to laugh when Joe Biden, following his stern statement that if he were president he'd make mask-wearing mandatory, managed to cover his entire face just before wandering offstage.

Forget the White House - someone get this guy a white cane!

Punch Line

As massive recreational looting and violence continues in lawless hellholes like Chicago, Black Lives Matter "spokesperson-of-color-with-a-uterus," Ariel Atkins (seen above), has declared that the smash and grab thefts we're seeing are actually "reparations," and that "anything they wanted to take, they can take it because these businesses have insurance."

Which suggests that Ms. Atkins has no idea whatsoever how insurance works or who ends up paying for it, which should put her solidly in the running for Clueless Joe's vice-presidential nomination.

And speaking of Basement Biden (who is always below see-level), he recently made a huge "oops, I was being honest" gaffe in which he declared that Hispanics, totally unlike African Americans, were a "diverse" and non-monolithic group. Which makes this a good time to revisit the former VP's long, long, long history of saying insulting things to and about black Americans...

FROM THE HOPE N' CHANGE VAULT: OLD BLACK JOE (7/13/12)

After a grueling schedule of attending fundraisers with Hollywood celebrities and high-rolling donors, Barack Obama looked at his totally empty presidential schedule yesterday and decided to blow off meeting with a bunch of colored people at the NAACP...opting instead to send Joe Biden by telling the Vice President that he'd be addressing the NCAA.

Despite the NAACP's somewhat icy reception for presidential candidate Mitt Romney the previous day, Joe Biden quickly won the audience over by pointing off the stage and, suddenly adopting the vocal stylings of Stepin Fetchit, calling "Mousey - you out there? Hey Mouse! How ya doin', man?"

After that, Biden peered into the audience and identified Fat Albert, Old Weird Harold, Mushmouth, Mudfoot Brown, and Antonio "Huggy Bear" Fargas - none of whom were actually present - before returning to his scripted remarks about how much Joe Biden had personally learned from attending the church of Reverend Jeremiah "God-DAMN America" Wright.

Okay, we're joking about the shoutout to the Cosby Kids and Huggy Bear, but unfortunately Biden's praise for Reverend Wright was all too real - and all too well received.

But knowing that pasty Joe Biden wouldn't satisfy the NAACP crowd (indeed, almost no one showed up for Biden's speech), Barack Obama did send a short video message in which he told the assembled colored people that "I stand on your shoulders." And that huge weight may explain why the unemployment rate for black Americans has just risen to 14.4%... far higher than the rate for other demographic groups.

Frankly, Barack Obama is doing everything in his power to keep black Americans in forced poverty, deny their children decent educations, and reinforce their permanent dependence on Big Government.

He's not standing on their shoulders...he just has his boot on their necks.

BREAKING NEWS: AGING RACIST TEAMS WITH SKANKY WOMAN OF COLOR!

History was made Tuesday afternoon when Joe Biden's hand, resting limply on a Ouija Board planchette, was aggressively guided to a picture of Senator Kamala Harris - thereby making her the official Democrat candidate for vice president of the United States.

Of course, when drummed out of the actual presidential nomination process, Harris said it was because Democrats (those misogynistic racist bastards) just weren't ready to vote for a "strong woman of color" - a trend which we hope to see repeated in November.

She also wasn't shy about accusing Biden himself of a long, long history of racism...



While none of the finalists on Joe's potential VP list were any good, we have to admit in complete honesty that we find Ms. Harris the most odious of the lot. Even her nomination is a sad day for our nation.

Space Racists

Now that the exploration of space is safely in the hands of eccentric billionaires, the folks at NASA have plenty of time on their hands to work on more important things. Having presumably completed their Obama-era "primary mission" of Muslim Outreach (see below), the agency has announced that they are now moving on to eliminating "culturally insensitive" nicknames for objects in space which are "actively harmful" and are painful reminders of "the systemic discrimination and inequality" inherent in staring up at the night sky.

For starters, NASA will no longer make reference to the "Siamese Twins Galaxy," a name which refers to 1800s sideshow legends Chang and Eng Bunker, conjoined twins who were not only "stars" but actually pretty darn cool. Seriously, they went from poverty to great wealth, married two sisters, and fathered 21 children. Now there's a mental picture you can't un-see.

NASA will now be referring to the twin galaxies as NGC 4567 and NGC 4568, apparently unaware that it's highly inappropriate to describe galaxies using n-words. The agency is also banishing the name of the "Eskimo Nebula" lest it offend any parka-wearing indigenous people who live in igloos and subscribe to "Sky & Telescope Magazine."

All of which is a good start, but NASA clearly still has a long way to go. Should vegans still have to be offended by the word "meteor?" Must the lactose intolerant be repulsed by the "Milky Way?" Do we want observatories burned to the ground by those protesting the term "Black Hole?" And what the hell were the astronomers thinking when they came up with the name "Red Dwarf?" Seriously, why piss off a group of people who have no ability to punch you anywhere other than in the balls?

Should a telescope have an eyepiece instead of a more inclusive we-piece? Shouldn't an orbit's "eccentricity" simply be referred to non-judgmentally as a "choice?" And instead of combing the universe for intelligence, shouldn't NASA spend more time looking out there for feelings?

Finally, we'd like to suggest that NASA put a special priority on finding a new phrase to describe the variations in sunlight reflecting from the seventh planet.  Because even we're offended by "waxing Uranus"

FROM THE VAULT: July 6, 2010



NASA Administrator Charles Bolden has revealed that the "foremost" mission Barack Hussein Obama wants him to accomplish is to improve relations with the Muslim world.

Speaking to Al Jazeera on the one year anniversary of the president's trip to Cairo to praise Islam, Bolden said that the president charged him with several tasks...the foremost of which was "he wanted me to find a way to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with dominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to science and math and engineering."

The president seems to be forgetting that the culture's last historic contribution to aviation science was the discovery of how to fly to New York using only boxcutters.