Trick or Cheat!

Voted "scariest costume of 2020"

Wow! How about that wild and crazy Presidential debate last night?! We can't begin to put in words how astounding it was and how much impact it's going to have on election results!

And the reason we can't put it in words is that we're writing this hours before the debate, so we don't actually have any idea what happened - though we'll venture a wild guess that it wasn't a tidy and orderly affair and Trump will be roundly criticized for some damn thing.

But we can comment on other exciting news, like Barack "Mind if I eat your dog?" Obama finally getting out and campaigning for his former Vice President...

There are no reports of anyone fainting in his Godlike presence, either

Yes, Barry himself took to the streets of Pennsylvania, bullhorn in hand, to rouse the passions of nearly a dozen potential voters who are currently living in their parents' basements. Unable to come up with much in the way of specific accomplishments (or future plans) by Biden, the former president instead went on the attack against Trump, who "emboldens other people to be cruel and divisive and racist."

This ugly pack of lies doesn't seem to square with Michelle Obama's claim that in matters of political rhetoric, "when they go low, we go high." Although it's entirely possible that Barry did go to the event high. By his own admission, he's a man who loves his pot, booze, and maybe a little blow when he can afford it.

And maybe enough of all three at once can help dull the pain of shilling for Joe "Buy Me" Biden.

The Sound of Silencing

Thursday evening sees the final Presidential Debate of the 2020 election season, and the debate commission is instituting a few changes to make sure that it will be an orderly affair. Specifically, they're wrapping Donald Trump in a straightjacket, binding him with chains, locking him in a trunk, then lowering him by crane into a tank of water where he'll have only two minutes to throw off his restraints and escape drowning.

No wait, we're thinking of Harry Houdini, who debated Biden back in the 1920s. Successfully, we might add. 

But this time around, the debate commission has decided to discourage interruptions by turning off each candidate's microphone while his opponent speaks for two minutes. At least, that's the theory - and one which will be put sorely to the test when Donald Trump repeatedly uses his two minutes to list all of the damning evidence regarding Joe Biden's illegal graft which has come to light on Hunter Biden's laptop computer. Frankly, we can't imagine the moderator letting Trump speak uninterrupted about a giant scandal that Twitter and Facebook have forbidden their users from even seeing.

And while it's popularly considered that this new rule is an attempt to squelch President Trump (yeah, good luck with that), it might actually work to his favor. After all, is it even conceivable that Joe Biden can speak for two consecutive minutes without putting his foot in his mouth...?

Byte of the Hunter

Well, here's another nice meth you've gotten us into!

Joe Biden's son Hunter is in the news, assuming you consider "the news" to be the New York Post, Fox News, and pretty much no one else. After allegedly deserting his laptop computer at a repair shop, Hunter's hard drive was reviewed by the store owner and discovered to contain thousands of personal photos, including of sex and drug use, and scads of emails which clearly indicate that Joe Biden was selling his influence as Vice President to any foreign country that would line Hunter's pockets (including China and Ukraine).

Not that ol' Joe was altruistic about it; according to the emails, he personally demanded 50% of the bribe money that he had his son skimming from foreign governments. In other words, it seems that there's solid proof that Joe Biden is as sleazy and corrupt as they come, and his happy ass should be in jail. Where, if there is a God in heaven, his old nemesis Corn Pop will be a surly guard.

But that's unlikely to happen, with 99% of the media (including social media) actively covering the whole thing up. Which they can't do forever, but quite likely can do until election day - which is really all that matters. If Joe wins the White House and is immediately impeached, the Democrats couldn't be happier. He is, after all, not who they really want running the show.

In a normal year (which, we believe, is now an archaic term) this developing scandal would have a huge impact on the election, and the incumbent party would just stay quiet and let Biden twist in the wind. But "staying quiet" apparently isn't a skill that everyone has mastered...

FROM THE VAULT: BIDEN FAMILY VALUES (November 22, 2019)

Like father, like scum.

With all of the arm-flapping, spin, and misdirection of the Schiff hearings, people haven't been paying enough attention to one of the case's central matters: determining just how much of a corrupt sleazebag Joe Biden's son Hunter really is.

Granted, we already knew that he'd been thrown out of the military for drug use. That he'd been in rehab multiple times. That he was siphoning off huge sums of money on various boards (including in Ukraine) to give people quid pro quo access to his father.

We even knew that Hunter Biden left his wife in order to start banging his dead brother's widow. And thanks to a recent DNA test, we now know that while Hunter was cheating on his wife, and enjoying some kind of necrophiliac incest with his sister-in-law, he was also shtupping a young woman in Arkansas who he knocked up, then lied about ever having had sex with her.

The legally-mandated DNA test came about because Biden had stopped making support payments to the mother and child, which is especially tacky considering the millions of dollars in graft money finding its way into his bank accounts.

Presumably, the mother and child will no longer have financial worries, even if Hunter won't cough up any dough. After all, now that his lineage has been proved, Joe Biden's new grandson can start sitting on the boards (using a booster seat) of some of the world's most corrupt companies.