Toe Biden

Despite finally coming up from the cellar, Joe Biden's campaign is again stuck in debasement. As if it wasn't bad enough that his son Hunter's laptop computer is packed with evidence of corruption (including payouts of foreign money to Joe "The Big Guy" Biden himself), a new video of Hunter has been released by a Chinese TV channel which is literally a kick in the nuts. Which is a perfectly good joke that you may not get unless you read further which, in good conscience, we don't necessarily recommend. Because there's no way to handle this story tactfully or tastefully, even if we wanted to. Which we don't. Read on at your own risk and please, avoid having a mouthful of liquid until you've safely reached the bottom of the page.

The video (which you can see here until it's "disappeared") shows a fully nude Hunter Biden reclining in a dark room, simultaneously smoking crack and holding up his cellphone to take closeup movies of someone (reputed to be an underage female) vigorously stroking "little Hunter" with her oiled feet. An act which is unbelievably dangerous owing to the risk of contracting "athlete's dick."

It's also not safe because this is the sort of thing the Chinese government loves to record to use as blackmail against people of influence. Like, oh, the potential president of the United States. 

Then again, blackmail only works if the intended victim is afraid of the news getting out - and that seems increasingly unlikely to happen in the United States as mainstream news outlets and social media platforms continue to actively erase any and all references to Biden-family malfeasance. Even dull as dishwater (and taxpayer-supported) NPR has announced that they won't tell their listeners anything about Hunter's laptop (his computer, not his foot warmer) nor Joe's role in selling influence to foreign adversaries. Their reason for burying the story is somewhat convoluted, but it more or less wraps up with "and the horse you rode in on."

Of course, that dam won't hold forever - but it doesn't have to. Once Biden is elected, the real powerbrokers on the Left will be only too happy to see him resign, get impeached, or go to jail. Old Joe's only use is to get their foot in the door. So to speak. 

Trick or Cheat!

Voted "scariest costume of 2020"

Wow! How about that wild and crazy Presidential debate last night?! We can't begin to put in words how astounding it was and how much impact it's going to have on election results!

And the reason we can't put it in words is that we're writing this hours before the debate, so we don't actually have any idea what happened - though we'll venture a wild guess that it wasn't a tidy and orderly affair and Trump will be roundly criticized for some damn thing.

But we can comment on other exciting news, like Barack "Mind if I eat your dog?" Obama finally getting out and campaigning for his former Vice President...

There are no reports of anyone fainting in his Godlike presence, either

Yes, Barry himself took to the streets of Pennsylvania, bullhorn in hand, to rouse the passions of nearly a dozen potential voters who are currently living in their parents' basements. Unable to come up with much in the way of specific accomplishments (or future plans) by Biden, the former president instead went on the attack against Trump, who "emboldens other people to be cruel and divisive and racist."

This ugly pack of lies doesn't seem to square with Michelle Obama's claim that in matters of political rhetoric, "when they go low, we go high." Although it's entirely possible that Barry did go to the event high. By his own admission, he's a man who loves his pot, booze, and maybe a little blow when he can afford it.

And maybe enough of all three at once can help dull the pain of shilling for Joe "Buy Me" Biden.

The Sound of Silencing

Thursday evening sees the final Presidential Debate of the 2020 election season, and the debate commission is instituting a few changes to make sure that it will be an orderly affair. Specifically, they're wrapping Donald Trump in a straightjacket, binding him with chains, locking him in a trunk, then lowering him by crane into a tank of water where he'll have only two minutes to throw off his restraints and escape drowning.

No wait, we're thinking of Harry Houdini, who debated Biden back in the 1920s. Successfully, we might add. 

But this time around, the debate commission has decided to discourage interruptions by turning off each candidate's microphone while his opponent speaks for two minutes. At least, that's the theory - and one which will be put sorely to the test when Donald Trump repeatedly uses his two minutes to list all of the damning evidence regarding Joe Biden's illegal graft which has come to light on Hunter Biden's laptop computer. Frankly, we can't imagine the moderator letting Trump speak uninterrupted about a giant scandal that Twitter and Facebook have forbidden their users from even seeing.

And while it's popularly considered that this new rule is an attempt to squelch President Trump (yeah, good luck with that), it might actually work to his favor. After all, is it even conceivable that Joe Biden can speak for two consecutive minutes without putting his foot in his mouth...?