Rube-y Tuesday?

Thanks to the miracle of Daylight Saving Time, we recently gained yet another hour of unwanted suspense leading up to Election Day. On the plus side, many Democrats now believe that because of the time change, Tuesday won't happen until Wednesday this week. An idea which we should reinforce as much as possible.

Approximately 92 million early votes have already been cast - a number which will surely skyrocket on Tuesday when the living are allowed to vote.

Here at Stilton's Place, we have no freaking idea which way this thing is going to go. According to the media and pollsters, Trump is going to get his orange hiney kicked. On the other hand, the media and pollsters are despicable liars, about whom maggots tell jokes trying to gross out their friends. Others believe that Trump will win in a blowout based on the fact that God, in His infinite wisdom, is using the President as a tool to achieve things in "mysterious ways." Occasionally bordering on downright baffling.

Whichever way the election goes, it's critical to make preparations now for the aftermath. For one thing, you should lay in a supply of food, water, medicines, and toilet paper in case a Trump victory triggers a wave of commerce-disrupting violent riots in the streets. Of course, you should also lay in a supply of all those things in case Trump loses, because they sure as hell won't be on store shelves once the commerce-disrupting socialists take over.

This is also potentially a good time to stock up on American flags with "only" 50 stars in case of a Democrat victory. These will not only be valuable collector's items, but they'll also be a handy way to identify your home as not belonging to an asshole.

Finally, it's likely that the acrimony between friends and family members will only increase once the election is finalized. To help bring us all together again, we suggest that you plan to send a peace-making gift to those people you've disagreed with. If Trump wins, we suggest you send a tasteful bouquet with a gift card that says "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" as many times as possible. If Trump loses, just send the liberals on your list a lovely handbasket and a map which smells of brimstone.

Wait of the World

After a bit of introspection, we were able to identify the queasy feeling which has been tying our stomach in knots. It's the feeling we have when spending endless hours in a waiting room while a loved one is in surgery. Is everything going to be okay? Is nothing going to be okay? Are there really NO magazines to read unrelated to golf?

But while we wait, there are at least a few amusements to distract us...

Yes, there's fresh rioting and looting related to an incident in which police fatally shot a black man for no reason whatsoever other than that he was big, out of his mind, and was chasing them with a butcher knife.

But the usual numbnuts on the Left are still complaining about police officers saving their own lives, and are declaring that a knife is such a silly little weapon that it shouldn't even be considered dangerous. 

This is not an opinion shared in Nice, France, where two people were killed, and a third killed and beheaded, by a knife-wielding maniac shouting "Allahu Akbar." An Arabic phrase which, according to Google, translates to "free Nikes for everyone if the gendarmes shoot me."

FROM THE VAULT: TRICKY TREAT

Happy Halloween from Stilton's Place!

Pointed Remark

Don't bother looking for a deeper meaning in today's cartoon - it's really just a matter of venting related to the fact that, when we look around at the news and the world lately, we genuinely feel like we're drowning in assholes. And while we can't claim to have any theological insights, we think that the scenario shown above is plausible at the very least.

On a macro level, we're feeling stress from all of the insanity associated with the election, the pandemic, politics in general, and the media's growing comfort with being all propaganda, all the time. Actual facts are no longer in vogue, and actual harm may come to those who keep trying to share them.

To be sure, we're pleased that Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed, but we're concerned that her appointment may be historic by virtue of being the last time the "ninth seat" will be filled, as well as being the last appointment before the Supreme Court officially transforms into a legislative rather than judicial body. Not to mention ending up with more members in robes than the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

On a micro level, we're dealing with frustrations like fighting with a frigging insurance company to allow Mrs. J to get a necessary medicine related to her recent health woes. She's now been without the medication (which should be injected each and every day) for over a month, because of that biblical plague of assholes which we mentioned above.

Side note: the medication, for osteoporosis, is impressively expensive. Like, "ugly but running used car" expensive or "a weekend of crack for Hunter Biden" expensive. If one lacks insurance, the manufacturer has a plan to give it to you for next to nothing. But if you have Medicare (and guess how many people with osteoporosis fall into that age category) you get no discount at all even though Medicare refuses to throw in a nickel. Being punished financially - and blocked medically - just for having Medicare doesn't really increase our desire for more governmental bureaucracy in healthcare.

But enough griping. Life is good overall, even on days (like this one) when the grumpies get the better of us.