Serfs Up

Despite repeated calls from the Left for "Unity and healing...or else," we seem to be no closer to untangling the colossal fustercluck which was the recent alleged election. Because depending on who you listen to, there is either massive evidence of widespread voting fraud...or this was the squeakiest clean election ever. 

Our gut tells us that it's the former, and apparently about 71 million other guts are currently telling their owners the same thing. Which means the chance of achieving national "unity and healing" anytime soon is smaller than a gnat's fart...albeit more pungent. 

The only way out of this mess is to prove to everyone's satisfaction that the election results were fair, accurate, and not corrupted by the Democrats, big tech, the Chinese, or the lying Washington bastards who've tried to overthrow the government for the past four years. Happily, both sides can readily agree that a thorough investigation is warranted, and should be conducted with care and transparency.

Ha, ha - just kidding! The party that spent tens of millions of dollars and years of time "investigating" whether or not Donald Trump paid Russian hookers to pee on a bed once used by Obama (which he didn't, but probably should have) suddenly finds it unseemly to conduct investigations...especially into something as trivial as blatant election tampering.

Whatever the eventual outcome of the legal maneuverings, all of this is not going to end well. Half of America is going to be totally unwilling to accept the legitimacy of our next president. And that's going to make for a very long, and potentially dangerous, four years.

SHORT TAKES

• Barack Obama is currently on the interview circuit to promote his third freaking autobiography, and a fourth is already scheduled. The book, "A Promised Land," is a hefty 768 pages which could make it difficult, but not impossible, for him to shove up his ass.

• Readers have asked for a medical update on Mrs. Jarlsberg, and we're happy to report that she's mending nicely from her back, foot, and wrist injuries. She has also amazed her physical therapists by actually doing her exercises at home, which apparently is something of a rarity among patients.

• The suspicious timing of Pfizer's recent announcement of a Covid-19 vaccine stinks to high heaven, as did their now recanted claim that they had nothing to do with President Trump's "Operation Warp Speed" vaccine initiative. This doesn't do much to build our confidence in the vaccine itself, especially since it uses a technology that has never been used before (having to do with messenger RNA telling your cells to do funny things). We hope the vaccine is great, effective, and safe - but we're not going to be first in line to try it, having grown used to life with only one head.

But in the interim, there are very effective protocols that can be used to greatly reduce the dangers posed by Covid-19. These protocols are all backed by science and, oddly, pretty much hidden from public view by the government, the media, and formerly respectable medical institutions. The rat bastards.

So here are the most recent protocols, which we encourage you to print out and share with others:

By the way, this chart was prepared for medical personnel, so when it refers to patients "on floor," they mean "checked into the hospital" as opposed to "stretched out cold on the carpet." Also, even if you're sick of hearing about all of this (and who isn't?) we'll note that at the very least, the benefits of taking Vitamin D appear to be fairly astounding when it comes to this illness. It's cheap, it's safe, and it's readily available - but it takes a little while for it to build up in your body, so don't wait.

AND FINALLY...

A classic (and now timely) cartoon by Stilton's Dad...

Old Face-Full

While it's still unclear whether or not Joe Biden will be certified as the president-elect, it's absolutely clear that he intends to issue a mask mandate if given the opportunity. And while we think that wearing masks is a good idea...the idea of it being a mandate from the Dems boils our blood.

Happily, we can all practice good hygiene and patriotism with the exciting new Stilton's Place "Biden Sucks" surgical mask! It not only slows the transmission of infectious phlegm (not to be confused with mainstream news, although the differences are admittedly slight) but reminds everyone that the man who now claims to be an expert in disease control enjoys slobbering on women's fingers in public without first getting written consent.

VETERANS DAY 2020

(This commentary is from 2010, but our sentiments and gratitude are exactly the same.)

 
In our current politically divisive, media-oversaturated environment, it would be easy to think that the most important battles for freedom are being fought by politicians and pundits. But that wouldn't be true, and it never has been.

Today we celebrate and honor the men and women of America's armed forces, who gave birth to this country...have nurtured and protected it...and have advanced the cause of freedom around the world. Their sacrifices, and those of their families, should humble everyone who enjoys the magnificent blessings of their service...and should also, at least for one day, silence the strident voices shouting from the safety of the sidelines.

Fly your flag today...and thank as many veterans as possible for your right and ability to do so.

DOG TAGGED

Granted, the meaning and importance of Veterans Day isn't crystal clear to some folks...

Final Jeopardy

If it were possible to hire a hit man to kidnap the year 2020, drag it out into a field, torture it, kill it, and leave it in a shallow grave, we would happily hand over the cash today. Unfortunately, only Father Time can put the scythe to 2020, and that bastard moves so slowly he might as well work at the post office.

The latest indignity is that Alex Trebek has died from pancreatic cancer, after surviving much longer than most people with the condition. And the cartoon above is in no way "joking" about Trebek's death, because we loved that guy and his show was one of our favorite (and few) escapes from the stresses of the world. No, in the cartoon the joke is on us, because we just want to enjoy a few nice things and have some small elements of our world remain "normal," but 2020 continues to treat us like the new guy in the prison shower.

Mind you, even before learning of Mr. Trebek's passing, we were in a dark and stormy mood. Joe Biden was declared winner of the presidential election by the media (and only the media), but we're not buying it. Now or ever.  First because there are ample reasons to believe that Trump can still win this, even though the media would have you believe otherwise.  The second reason we'll never accept Biden as president is that vote fraud certainly appears to have been the deciding factor in the race so far. Yes, proof is needed...though, knowing that, the Dems have already been shredding ballots and envelopes which would have been essential in an investigation. But even if we put all of that aside, the third reason that Biden will never be our personal president is that this election was fixed in a far broader and more evil way than simple vote fraud.

Specifically, a huge number of people went to the polls to vote against an orange-faced monster who was a racist, an anti-semite, a misogynist, a Russian spy, a child torturer, and - thanks to a virus sent our way by Joe Biden's Chinese pals - a mass murderer.  Trump had his significant faults, but that "monster" was a wholly fictitious media creation. We'd guess that the majority of people who thought they were voting against Trump were really voting against the Boogeyman, after having that message beaten into their heads for four years. While, for good measure, that same media buried reports of the very real gains Trump had made for Americans of every race, sexual orientation, ethnic background, or social class.  And you can't fix an election more than that; when an ideologically perverse media controls the information, Democracy becomes a joke.

And speaking of jokes, here's a couple of efforts we made in the immediate wake of the announcement that the Dems had faked enough votes to likely put Biden in office:

And of course, Joe isn't the only Biden happy with how this seems to be turning out...

Some other "Babylon Bee" type headlines we wrote (but which don't fit in our headline app):

• Disney Parks Happy That Newest Addition To "Hall of Presidents" Won't Even Need To Be Animated.

• Biden Funeral Scheduled For Same Week As Inauguration Since Everyone Will Be In Town Anyway.

There will be plenty of time in the coming weeks to opine on all of this and we'll definitely be doing that. But we do want to leave you with a last thought: we will never accept Joe Biden (and/or Kamala Harris) as president. And those people (including Gropin' Joe) who are telling us that this is a time for uniting and healing can kiss our ruby-red ass.

See, Dems, here's the deal: you can't call me a racist, a misogynist, a hatemonger, a fool, a Russian tool, and a fascist for four years and then suddenly expect me to kiss up to you just because your intolerant, anti-American boot is on my throat. 

But for once, maybe it's a good thing that those on the Left are totally ignorant about history. Because they apparently aren't aware of how that whole boot-to-throat thing tends to play out in the end.