Inka Dinka Doofus

So to speak...

We finally know what it takes to get major mainstream media to do a story - any story - about Hunter Biden. Oh, not about his being a Chinese tool, or a money-launderer, or being a right-hand man in his father's influence-peddling schemes, or banging his dead brother's widow, or knocking up a stripper and falsely denying that the offspring was Gropin' Joe's newest grandchild, or smoking crack while getting a foot job (not to be confused with a pedicure, but possibly having some overlap with pedophilia).

No, for Hunter to get headlines, all it took was a prestigious New York art gallery to announce that they'll be hosting a very special exhibition of paintings that Hunter Biden has made by dripping ink on paper and then blowing it around with a straw. No, really. Not that this is necessarily the worst use of a straw in Hunter's colorful past.

Critics aren't that impressed with Hunter's output to date, describing the paintings as "generic Post Zombie Formalism illustration" and looking like "Fred Tomaselli started making art for dermatologists' waiting rooms." And no, we don't really understand what either of those criticisms really means, other than that they sound like they weren't penned by Trump voters.

And while we were kinda sorta kidding about the pictures eventually selling to the Chinese for astonishingly high prices, we wouldn't be surprised if the gallery really did empty its walls when buyers arrive from adversarial countries wishing to purchase a little art with a big side order of influence. That's what will make the event, and the artist, a sellout.

BONUS: WORST CHRISTMAS CARD EVER

So this showed up in our mail about an hour ago, from a long-time but somewhat distant friend with whom we clearly haven't talked politics in awhile...

Face blurred to protect the sender

Seriously, WTF are we supposed to take away from this? "No Justice, No Peace" sounds more like a threat than a wish for peace on Earth and goodwill to men.

Still, with all of the hustle and bustle of the holidays, decorating, buying gifts, the endless playing of Christmas songs, Hallmark movies, and ubiquitous images of Santa Claus, it's sometimes too easy for us all to forget the true "reason for the season." Which is, of course, that when a felon dies of a self-inflicted fentanyl overdose, cities should burn.

But we know our friend meant well with the card, and will hopefully appreciate the one we're sending back...

North Poll Watcher

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that Santa isn't allowed to check his list twice this year, Joe "Commander in Cheat" Biden is getting some special attention from the Big Guy himself! 

Perhaps because the jolly old elf wants Joe to stop using the title "Big Guy" when doing business with our nation's enemies...

BONUS: FREE CHRISTMAS ALBUM!

To take your mind off whatever the heck passes for news these days, and to gleefully annoy anyone who is offended by the word "Christmas," we're giving you a free no-strings-attached downloadable album of relaxing instrumental Christmas music!

And yes, it's exactly the same album we give away every year - because it's our holiday tradition!

Not available in stores. Trust us on this one.

It's the Manhole Steamrising "Complete Christmas Collection" and...what's that? You never heard of Manhole Steamrising? Well, you didn't think we could afford to hire Mannheim Steamroller to record a custom album, did you?! Besides, who needs all of those fancy-shmancy synthesizers when you're trying to enjoy quiet moments with the twinkling lights on your Christmas tree and the tinkling ice in your glass of scotch?

The album is solo harp which is actually played by a real angel (we think his name is "Harold") and consists of 15 soothing tracks of Christmas favorites, two of which are "Adeste Fidelis" and are done (as Basil Fawlty would say on gourmet night) "in two extremely different ways."

It's all perfectly legal, and you're free to share the music and/or the link with as many people as you like. In fact, we encourage you to share! Please! Tis the season! Just click this link to get your download started.

You'll end up with a ZIP file which, when double-clicked, will open up into a folder with your 15 songs in MP3 format. It's our way of saying "thank you" and "Merry Christmas" to everyone who visits Stilton's Place!

Want to sample the music before downloading or enjoy it without downloading? Then just click here to listen to the Youtube version!

School Daze

"God bless trade schools!"

Barring an unforeseen miracle, today is the day that the Electoral College will cast its votes to ratify Joe Biden's election win, making history by forever changing the definitions of "election" and "win."

The voting will take place after the failure of a legal challenge, raised by Texas and joined by many other states, that made the reasonable-sounding claim that voters in states with fair elections are harmed by having their votes defecated upon by states with Constitutionally illegal elections.

In such state vs state cases, the matter is immediately sent to the Supreme Court for consideration. Which, being 2020, went like this:

On a "glass half full" note, rulings like this strongly decrease the likelihood that the Democrats will "stack" the Supreme Court, because why the Hell would they want to mess with a good thing?

President Trump still has continuing legal challenges to the (ahem) "election's" outcome, and is said to be considering an executive order which will create "The Supremer Court" to adjudicate. Okay, we just made that part up, although now that it's in print there's no telling if the President might actually use the idea and award us the Presidential Medal of Trolling Leftists.

BONUS: TIME APPARENTLY WAITS FOR SOME MEN

Joe was also selected Person of the Year by "Better Homes & Basements" magazine.