Deep In The Heart of Taxes

This cartoon is a carryover credit from our 2015 risibility returns

While Tax Day has technically been moved to May 17 this year, the government still requires the self-employed to make a quarterly tax payment on April 15. So there's no way to know if you're making an accurate payment unless you've done your freaking taxes. So once again we're dancing with Turbotax and the always impenetrable language of the IRS. Seriously, it would be easier to interpret the language of dolphins than whatever the hell the IRS forms are talking about.

And we're feeling especially resentful about paying our allegedly unfair "fair share" this year while watching how the Democrats are spending like there's no tomorrow. And perhaps ensuring that very outcome.

When did "trillions" become such an easy-peasy word to toss around in spending bills? Joe Biden's proposals already total over four trillion in new spending, which is more than the total amount the government collected from taxpayers in 2019. So where is this "money" coming from? You'll find out soon enough as you watch the purchasing power of your savings or retirement accounts dwindle while prices rise on (we pause to check our extensive research)...oh, yes! Everything!

Then there's nonsense like New York's $2 billion plan to give away $15,600 in Covid relief to individual "undocumented workers who can meet strict eligibility requirements." Which makes us wonder: how can the "undocumented" meet any eligibility requirements? Are they excluded if they do have an I.D.? And is there any way to stop the Biden administration for making this the new standard for Democrat voting?

Still, there are even dumber ways to waste tax money.  Although Kamala Harris has yet to evince any interest in the non-crisis border crisis she's supposedly in charge of, she has suggested that she believes the best way to reduce the tsunami of illegals invading our nation is to make their countries of origin more desirable to stay in. Which is why the Harris-Biden administration is considering plans to just send Central American citizens the damn money directly and save them the long walk to our border.  Whether or not they'll still receive a complementary Biden t-shirt remains unclear.

Neither are we keen about writing another big check to the government (and we're lucky/unlucky that it IS a big check) in order to fund a CDC which believes that racism is a public health threat (hint to the CDC: if you can't culture it in a petri dish, then STFU). Nor are we happy about pouring money into the FBI, Homeland Security, and the National Counterterrorism Center - all of whom have declared "white supremacists" to be the greatest active terror threat owing to, and we're paraphrasing their report here, "all white people being bad." But if that were true, then we'd be making a tasteless joke (which we aren't) about NASA announcing that the best way to use our tax dollars is to put a "person of color" on the moon.

But despite all of the above, we're actually glad to pay our income tax. Because it still beats getting raped in a prison shower. 

Slightly.

Odd Is My Co-Pilot

United Airlines has announced a new diversity initiative intended to guarantee that 8 years from now, fully half of their new pilots will be women and people of color. So far, there is no word on how many will be illegal aliens, LGBTQ+ (who will naturally fly biplanes), or Uber drivers looking for a side gig.

Currently, women and people of color represent a relatively small percentage of airline pilots, which can apparently be blamed entirely on the racist and sexist attitudes of airline HR departments that use job applications with trick questions like "do you know how to fly?"

Only kidding, of course. The real reason for the under-representation, according to a United Airlines employee who wishes to remain imaginary, is "black applicants don't have any I.D. and women can't commit the time to pilot training because of their unwanted pregnancies." Situations which, tragically, didn't improve under Donald Trump.

Of course, we'd personally be fine with pilots of any color or gender as long as they were in the cockpit solely because of merit. But affirmative action programs have painfully taught us that this isn't how the system really works. In order to hit the right numbers for quotas/goals, standards will always be lowered. Unlike the landing gear when these new pilots turn routine landings into tragic headlines.

IN MEMORIAM: Rem1875 & Judi King

We're sad to report the passing of longtime reader and commenter Rem1875. Joe, his actual name, was a regular (that's a word used with love and respect here) who could always be counted on to add wit, wisdom, or probably both to any conversational topic. You can read additional details at this link.

We've subsequently learned of the passing of Judi King, who has likewise been a cherished presence here on the blog. Both of them will be greatly missed.

Fair To Maudlin

 You know the drill by now. We didn't want anything to do with the news, which is why we're posting this instead...

...and because the journalistic importance of "padding" can hardly be overstated, here are some random bits and pieces of Wednesday-ish stuff:

• Ladybug the pitbull (Penny's second-in-command) is recovering splendidly from her recent leg surgery, and is actually ahead of the curve. She has no discomfort at all and our biggest therapeutic duty will be keeping her from running around like a Tasmanian devil for the next couple of months.

• We just received another letter from the Social Security Administration saying that Mrs. J's monthly payment is being withheld (again) because she has overdue Medicare premium payments on the books. We already wasted a couple of hours of our life on this last month and established that we are in fact paying the premiums directly from her Social Security benefit and paying the premium by check, so have been double-paying for quite a while and they actually owe us a refund of hundreds of dollars. We haven't called them to complain again yet, because experience tells us there will be no satisfactory conclusion anyway.

• Speaking of governmental incompetence, we've still found no way for Daughter J to get a Texas driver's license until mid-August (the DMV only allows you in by appointment and, thanks to Covid, appointments take about six months)...meaning she can't work until then. Are illegal aliens waiting this long to be given a driver's license? We wouldn't bet on it.

• We're hearing a lot of BS about the difficulty of obtaining photo IDs for certain segments of society and wonder why no one has taken action on the obvious solution we suggested back in 2014: