Just in the Saint Nick of Time (Free Book #2!)

If it's true that it's better to give than receive, that laughter is the best medicine, and that the best things in life are free, I'm knocking it out of the park by giving away the ebook version of Johnny Optimism's newly-released book "Home for the Horrid Days."

For three days only (Friday 12/16 - Sunday 12/18) you can download the book at this link to read on any computer, tablet, or phone using a free Kindle Reader app available here. 

Note: before ordering, be sure the price shows as free (and not just "Read for Free" with Kindle Unlimited)! Instead, you want to buy the book for $0.00.

Amazingly, reading a cartoon book on a smartphone is a perfectly pleasant experience because I fiddled around with the book's code to enable an "easy reading" mode: just turn your device sideways, tap on any page, and you'll suddenly see just one cartoon at a time at a size that won't make you go blind! Tap on the right to go to the next cartoon, or tap on the left to go backward.

There's also a beautiful paperback edition of this Holiday collection available for a ridiculous $3.59 with free Prime shipping. That means you're just a mouse-click away from being able to send a wonderful (and memorable) gift to family and friends for about the price of a big Hallmark card with glitter on it. And frankly, the recipients won't get as much quality bathroom reading time out of a Hallmark card, nor will they accidentally sprinkle glitter on their private regions. A phrase that I may turn into a Christmas song at some point.

Please feel free to share this link to the free Kindle book with family, friends, on social media, or with whoever is in the hospital bed next to yours. But remember to tell them to act fast, because the ebook is only free Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (12/16-12/18).

A Special Favor: after downloading the book, I'd really appreciate any reviews you'd care to post on Amazon. Amazon promotes (or demotes) books based on their popularity and reviews, so it really makes a huge difference. And reviews can be short and sweet - just a sentence or two! But please don't mention politics in your reviews - Johnny's got enough problems already!

The Skin Of A Hen's Teeth (Free Book!)

 Free at last, free at last! Thank Kathy and Stilton, it's free at last!

I'm delighted to announce the publication of "The Skin Of A Hen's Teeth," a cartoon-filled humor book that I more or less co-wrote with my late wife, Kathy. 

A bit of backstory: Kathy had a wonderful gift for accidentally combining two or more idioms in ways that almost made sense...until they didn't. About taking a risk, she might say that a person is "sticking his neck out on a limb." Or referring to a very close race, she would say that someone "won by a nose-hair."

When I would point out these linguistic fender-benders, Kathy would laugh hardest of all and insist that I add it to her ever-growing list of "Kathyisms." 

After losing her, I desperately needed something to work on but my brain wasn't cooperating. While trying to think of a topic I could blog about, I remembered the list of "Kathyisms" and thought about turning it into a post. But to do that, I should really illustrate some of her sayings and...(ding!)... I had an idea: hire someone to illustrate all of her sayings and turn it into a funny book. A remembrance for family and friends that is about laughter rather than loss. And this is that book.

Inside, you'll find things like this...

And this...

And this...

Working on this book with Kathy has been a Godsend for me in these past months, and I'm delighted with the finished product- due in no small part to the fabulous illustrations by Richard Svensson. This guy knows how to draw funny and finding him felt like the Universe was helping this book come into being.

And now, you can have it for free (in ebook form)! And you can tell your family and friends to get it free! But only for a limited time: Friday Dec 9 (today) thru Sunday Dec 11. Just go to the Amazon order page, make sure that the price of the Kindle ebook is free (and not just "free with Kindle Unlimited" which is a different thing), then click to get it at no cost. And here's the link: "The Skin of a Hen's Teeth."

Don't have a Kindle reader? Not a problem! You can read the book on any computer, tablet, or smart phone by using the free Kindle Reader app which you can download at this link.

If you prefer a beautiful paperback edition (a perfect holiday gift, hint-hint, and available for Prime shipping) which is really the best way to read the book, it's sale-priced just as low as I can make it at $3.59 and it will be moving to $4.99 after this introduction.

I really hope you'll download the book and spread the word online - because every time someone laughs at something in this book it's like Kathy getting another heartbeat. And you should know there's nothing sad or depressing in this book at all. You know and I know that this is a memorial of sorts, but there's not a hint about that in the book. The goal here is just laughter. So get it while it's free! And laugh!

IF YOU'D LIKE TO LEAVE A REVIEW ON AMAZON...

Please do! The more reviews the book gets, the more Amazon is willing to promote it to other readers. But if you do choose to write a review, I'd like to ask you to consider these guidelines:

• Please don't mention anything about Kathy's illness or death.  

• Please don't mention this blog by name or anything political.

• Please don't mention the name "Stilton Jarlsberg," because despite the special "just for you" book cover at the top of this post, I'm using a different name on the cover of the actual book to avoid getting bad reviews from politically-minded trolls.

Thank you and ENJOY THE BOOK!

IMPORTANT: HOW TO GET THE FREE BOOK...

Amazon makes things a bit confusing with their "free to read on Kindle Unlimited" thing, so just to be clear, here's what you're looking for:

You need to click in the "Kindle" box right next to the book cover, then over on the right side DO NOT click the yellow "read for free" button, but DO click the orange "Buy now with 1-click" button to get your $0.00 ebook!

The Real Deal

Once again, Lefty Lucy has come very, very close to having a "truth" breakthrough. But sadly her train of thought derailed, plowed into a small city, and multiple tankloads of chemicals exploded and leveled the sleepy community, killing everyone within three miles. Much the same happens whenever Lucy tries to use her brain to decide what to order at Starbucks.

But she does make a good point about there being a Santa Claus because on Friday I'll be posting details about how you (and everyone you know and love) can download a free copy of the delightfully funny book I co-wrote with Kathy, "The Skin of a Hen's Teeth."  If you don't already have a free Kindle reading app on your computer, tablet, or phone, this might be a good time to go ahead and download one so you can pounce on the upcoming opportunity.

The paperback version, which is a thing of beauty, will also be sale-priced at the lowest price I can offer (no profit for me, which is fine because I'm only doing this to spread laughter).

Full details on Friday!

RED SYMPATHIES AT MORNING, READERS TAKE WARNING

The good folks at Google/Blogger have informed me that you may be seeing this before opening some of my blog posts (including ancient ones):

Have I changed my content by even a whit (or half-whit)? No. Has Google/Blogger changed their "community guidelines?" Apparently so. Or maybe they've just finally noticed me. 

Frankly, if you have a problem with "sensitive content" you're already in the wrong place. But as my insensitivity level has remained unchanged in the many years I've been doing this blog, I would suggest that if you encounter the warning above in the future just ignore it and the horse it rode in on.