F the B.I.

Greetings fellow radicals and anarchists! Did everyone remember to bring their molotov cocktails, surface-to-air missiles, super-duper-automatic machine guns that never run out of ammo, and a healthy snack?

Question: after reading the statement above, how many of you know that I'm joking? All of you?! Wow, that's great - because nobody at the FBI is in on the joke at all.

An article in Newsweek, which I frankly didn't know still existed, is detailing the FBI's new definitions of potential terrorists who absolutely deserve the agency's highest attention (and detention) for espousing the "wrong" socio-political views. Hint: if you ever voted for Donald Trump, you're already a terrorist! Aloha Snackbar!

So what, other than blatant corruption and a craze for power that would make the SS blush, has got the FBI's knickers in such a twist? Let's hear from some of the people supposedly holding the agency's leash:

"Donald Trump and MAGA Republicans are a threat to the very soul of this country," according to Hunter Biden's mentally deteriorating meal ticket.

Homeland Security Advisor Liz Sherwood-Randall proclaims "the use of violence to pursue political ends is a profound threat to our public safety and national security. It is a threat to our national identity, our values, our norms, our rule of law - our democracy." And are MAGA Republicans using such violence? Can we get examples? Hmm? Shut up, terrorist, and don't ask questions.

Supreme Court washout and current lickspittle Attorney General Merrick Garland states "attacks by domestic terrorists are attacks on all of us collectively, aimed at rending the fabric of our democratic society and driving us apart." Again, Garland seems to be skipping the part where we've actually been besieged with attacks by domestic terrorists. Well, other than BLM, Antifa, and Occupy Wallstreet.

Still, all of these entirely fictitious accusations have been justification enough for the FBI to put you and me in their crosshairs officially. And I, for one, am pretty pissed off about it.  We're not only being personally targeted for hatred and government-sanctioned persecution (for instance, Hillary Clinton is suggesting "formal deprogramming" of MAGA sympathizers), we're also being pushed away from being able to participate in real elections (hint: if The State puts your candidate in jail for purely political reasons, you aren't voting in a real election).

I wish I had a good way to wrap this up, but I don't. I just have a metric assload of anger and I'm going to have to spend some time thinking about what to do with it.

Picket Whines

On Tuesday, Joe Biden was flown to Michigan, lifted from a coffin containing soil from his native land, then propped up in a UAW picket line to show his support for hard-working voters who would like to work less hard and for a lot more money.

Specifically, old Joe is supporting the idea that the American auto industry should be shut down unless (ahem) "workers" get a 46% pay increase (specifically to help deal with Biden's inflation) AND have their 40-hour work week cut down to 32 hours over a 4-day work week. Mind you, they'd still get paid for 40 hours because the UAW likes round numbers.

It's interesting to note Joe's enthusiasm for a strike to shut down an important national industry at the same time he's claiming that it's an act of treason for Republicans to go "on strike" and potentially shut down our government rather than approve preposterous and unaffordable spending increases being pushed by Democrats.

Then again, the only consistency Joe really cares about is making sure his ice cream hasn't completely melted by the time he's loaded back aboard Air Force One.

Unfettered

I take no pleasure in making brain damage jokes, at least when it's an actual medical condition and not just a political philosophy. But I also take no pleasure in trying to pretend there's not something significantly wrong with Charles Schumer completely abandoning the Senate dress code just so John Fetterman's keepers will find it easy to change him when he has little "accidents" below the Beltway (so to speak).

I've not heard any speculation (which is weird in itself), but can there be any reason other than absolute necessity that Fetterman wears flopsy fastener-free clothing that only takes toddler-level skills to put on and take off? And if this is indeed the case, isn't the brain-damaged elephant in the room the likelihood that Fetterman is too impaired to serve?

Then again, considering the mental states of our president and vice-president, maybe I'm just setting the bar too high. 

HALF THE MAN HE USED TO BE

Speaking of guys who don't wear traditional pants, this gentleman appears annually at the State Fair of Texas to tell people about the many fun attractions and activities while barely containing his bitterness about all the carnival rides with signs that say "you must be this tall to ride."

Okay, I'm lying about that because, appearances notwithstanding, this is an ordinary man of ordinary height and the usual number of appendages. Unlike bandleader and movie star Johnny Eck, who was the real deal (yes, I'm a fan). What we're seeing here is a classic sideshow illusion of a type that I've always wanted to build for use at Halloween (genuinely), which means if I'm going to do it I should get started soon. 

Then again, if the project runs long I guess I could still sit in my front yard dressed as a half-Santa Claus. It would be worth it just to see the look on children's faces when I'd say "Chimney accident."