Labored Day

In the time it takes Charlie to wonder if it's safe to say "Quit monkeying around," his co-worker's noggin is chopped off.

We're taking a somewhat relaxed approach to the blog today in part as an early start to Labor Day weekend, but mainly because we're on an anti-allergy medication which is making us even more brain-dead than usual. Then again, maybe it's the "news" itself that's to blame.

Among the allegedly big stories are the ongoing observations of John McCain's death, and catty discussions of who has or hasn't been invited to his funeral. Full disclosure: despite our high profile in the nation's alternate media, we weren't invited to the funeral - perhaps owing to our frequent references to Senator McCain as "chipmunk cheeks."

In Florida, a white gubernatorial candidate with a black opponent (who happens to be a wild-eyed anti-Trump, anti-ICE, Bernie Sanders socialist) is being accused of blatant, howling racism after warning voters "don't monkey this up." Sadly, this is the sort of thing that happens when a politician wants to tell voters "don't f*ck this up" but then tries to ad-lib a more family-friendly word. The lesson, for anyone who needs one, is that it doesn't really matter what you say to or about a liberal - they will be offended.

Almost not in the news, unless you happen to be looking at Fox News under an electron microscope, is the story that Hillary Clinton's infamous private server was very likely hacked by the Chinese, who not only got every one of her emails but actually got her correspondence in real time owing to malware they put on her unprotected computer. Apparently authorities have been aware of this for years, but somehow no public declaration has been made about her compromising every top-secret document she ever laid her claw-like hands on. Unsurprisingly, the FBI has denied any possibility that this could be the case, because serial liar and Clinton butt-plug Peter Strzok says he personally checked it all out and everything was peachy.

In the entertainment industry, the upcoming film "First Man," about Neil Armstrong's amazing journey to the moon, is generating a lot of positive critical buzz...but also a bit of controversy. Why? Because in this socially conscious update, upon reaching the moon, the Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin characters don't put an American flag on the moon.

The scene was deliberately omitted to indicate that the achievement "transcended countries and borders." Or, in the petulant words of Barack Obama regarding other American accomplishments: "you didn't build that."

Frankly, the film now sounds like it transcends our need to see it.

"That's...one...small step...for man...one giant leap...for...obfuscating history."

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend, celebrate safely, and we'll see you back here on Monday!

The Return of Tan O'Clock News

As recently promised, we've added the "Tan O'Clock News" feature to keep it from being a waste of your time visiting on days when the news is slow or we happen to be afflicted with underproductivity. Hey, it happens to every guy and shouldn't be a cause for shame - right?But seriously, McCain is still dead, the Trump Investigation is still a completely bogus fustercluck, and it's no fun talking about a creepy basement-dwelling whackjob shooting up a videogame tournament (except to possibly wonder if his despicable crime will get him a slightly better cafeteria table in nerd Hell.)Of course, the announcement of a trade agreement with Mexico sent stock prices higher, but that's only "news" because nothing like it ever happened under Obama. Under Trump, it's been going on for over a year now.

So that's why you'r being treated to witty women again. Because we believe in celebrating minds.

EXTRA: DID YOU DO YOUR GOOD DEED DU JOUR?
We sent out a special email recently to alert the Stilton's Place community that one of our own was in need of assistance. For any of you who didn't receive it, the email discussed the physical and fiscal difficulties currently bedeviling (albeit not egg-related) one of our friends who visits the comments section frequently.

If you've got a couple of bucks to spare, or need to do penance for looking at the scantily clad ladies above, we encourage you to visit this GoFundMe page, read the story, and donate if you wish. Even small amounts from a bunch of good people really add up!

And to the many of you have already given generously, we can't thank you enough! 

John McCain

John McCain's passing is too big for us to ignore, yet we don't have a lot to say about the man other than he was unquestionably of importance, and that his personal story was...complicated.

There's debate about whether he was a hero or villain (or both, or neither). Some of the attacks on McCain, such as blaming him for the tragic fire aboard the USS Forrestal which took the lives of 134 men and injured 161 more, are oft-repeated but not true. Additional stories about his comportment during an extended period as a prisoner of war, and whether he truly earned the nickname "songbird" for speaking to the enemy, are hard to verify. Opposing stories describe his heroism while in the infamous "Hanoi Hilton."

He did, unquestionably, dedicate his life to public service. And that's something we respect, even if we didn't like most of his political stands (he was pretty much the original RINO), and even if his inept presidential run helped make Barack Obama our national nightmare for eight seemingly-endless years.

In the end, we can't weigh the worth of the man or know the entirety of what was in his heart. Which makes a moment of respectful silence all the more appropriate.