Casual Friday

The news is uniformly dopey and annoying ("Momentum builds to give vote to 16-year olds"), so we're just keeping things light and pleasant here today.

First up, the captioned cartoon craze that's sweeping the nation...

And now, in keeping with the theme of the illustration above, we present some more random crap!

• THE KETO HAPPINESS - Weight Updeight

We're still sticking with the ketogenic diet we started at New Year's in an attempt to quickly lose enough weight to make another Ruth Bader Ginsburg (not that we'd want to), but success has been elusive. About 4 weeks in, we discovered we'd lost a grand total of 3 pounds. Obviously, something needed to change - so we've stopped weighing ourselves.

We're not noticing our clothes getting any looser either, which doesn't help motivate us to stick to a diet of meat, meat, and meat...with pork rinds for snacks. Whee.

But we're absolutely tearing it up at the YMCA's "Active Older Adults" exercise class. After just 6 short weeks, we can go as long as 5 minutes in class before we have to suck vigorously from our water bottle and gasp while our blue-haired classmates continue pumping iron while dancing.

We'll also note that there is an element of personal danger in these classes, as we're compelled to use the same kind of rubber exercise bands which allegedly beat the living hell out of Harry Reid once. The memory of which, we'll admit, is pretty much the only thing that makes us smile during our workout.

If you icepick it, it won't get better

Sliver Among the Gold

To hear the media leftists tell it, the Russian campaign to buy Facebook ads was a worse attack on the United States than the one which occurred at Pearl Harbor. That's not just our usual whimsical wordplay - that's what their talking points are currently saying: a worse attack than Pearl Harbor.

This tells us three things about these (unprintable) morons: they don't give a damn about history, they've never visited the Arizona Memorial (which is good, because it's hallowed ground), and if they ever do visit the Memorial they'll have to swim back to shore if they open their stupid yaps in front of actual Americans.

This kind of idiotic hyperbole can be dismissed with a shake of the head by rational adults of a certain age. But for younger viewers who have no actual concept of (or interest in) what Pearl Harbor represents, this kind of false equivalency can actually sway what passes for their minds.

So just how big and powerful was the Russian Facebook ad attack on America? And did those ads change the outcome of the election, as the left would have you believe?

According to an experienced campaign finance expert on Fox's "Tucker Carlson Show," the Russians spent $46,000 on Facebook ads. Meanwhile, the combined campaigns of Clinton and Trump (mostly Clinton) spent $81 million on Facebook ads (and that's not including buys from other political interest groups).

Crunching the actual numbers, this means that of all the campaign ads on Facebook, over 99.9% weren't originated by Russia. Making it pretty darn unlikely that Russia was able to tip the balance and impact the election - or even be heard over the clamor and clangor of the big money candidates.

Granted, the Russian disinformation campaign was more than a relatively microscopic number of Facebook ads. They also assaulted America with an infinitesimally small presence on Twitter and other social media sites frequented by people who enjoy a "less is more" philosophy when it comes to reading, thinking, and other challenging activities.

In closing, we just want the media to shut up about all of this, and especially want them to button their lips regarding any Pearl Harbor comparisons. Although we will concede that any day which saw the graduation of one of these buffoons from journalism school should be considered a date which will live in infamy.

Stilton Says: Presidents Day Edition

To honor Presidents Day, which we traditionally do by trying to forget that Barack Obama ever happened, we're taking a Presidential approach to today's blog. Which is to say we're glancing at whatever's on our desk, scribbling a few words which may or may not be salient, then quickly moving on to the next topic so we can finish in time for a round of golf. Except that in our case, it's a round of drinks.

• Mueller's Indictments - After a long (and unfortunately ongoing) investigation, Bob Mueller has revealed that a bunch of Russians had 9-to-5 day jobs which consisted of posting bullcrap on Facebook and Twitter, not to help elect anyone, but just to screw with our heads.  An effort which falls somewhere between minor espionage and snickering assholery.

We are shocked - shocked! - to discover that it's not a good idea to get your news from blips and blurps on social media, nor is it a great idea for Americans to forward inflammatory political messages without first checking to see if they're factual.

This is, we suppose, evidence of Russian "meddling" in an election (and not for the first time), but semantics matter (unless you're anti-semantic) and meddling simply means the Russian trolls were sand in America's vasoline - irritating, annoying, and inconsequential. "Meddling" does not mean "affecting the outcome of the election," which flat out didn't happen.

• Trump's Sex Shenanigans - Frankly, my dears, we don't give a damn. We don't know if the accusations are true, but we do know that it's really nobody's business except Donald and Melania Trump. If he's screwing around on her, then he's a cad and a scoundrel. If, on the other hand, he has her permission to enjoy occasional flings and does so with porn stars and Playboy centerfolds, we can only shake our heads and say "it must be fun to be a billionaire."

This represents no hypocrisy on our part when compared to our feelings about Bill Clinton. Trump hasn't spattered the Oval Office with DNA while screwing young interns, he hasn't committed violent rape and then have his wife cover it up, he hasn't lied about it while under oath, and he hasn't done it on taxpayer-funded time. As Hillary was so fond of saying, "it's time to move on."

• Black Panther Movie - This thing is a huge box office success, and critics are proclaiming it to be a great and socially important film because if they didn't, they would be called racists. And for all we know, it's a fine superhero movie which we'll enjoy watching on Netflix someday.

But the mainstream media is arguing that the release of this film is a moment of great meaning in our nation's history, finally giving African-Americans real pride in their cultural heritage of being descended from superpowered comic book characters.

We've got a question: why is it that African-Americans should find meaning and pride in a CGI-packed movie about the imaginary black leader of the most technologically advanced civilization on Earth instead of finding such validation during 8 years of an actual black leader of the most technologically advanced civilization on Earth? Was it that Barry needed a cat mask and ebony bodysuit, or was a Half-Black Panther just a doomed concept from the start?

Again, we're not trashing the film or people's enthusiasm for it. But can we please turn down the volume on the many stories about the movie's importance and its undertones of racial divisiveness?

Stories which, for all we know, were planted by Russians.

AND ONE FROM THE VAULT...