Crude Joke

Too young to get this? We don't care.

Now that the world is officially composed of tumbling dominos, it's interesting (like staring at a car wreck) to look at which one has fallen the most recently...and hardest. In this case it's oil futures, which went deep into negative territory on Monday (meaning suppliers were actually paying people to take oil off their hands) before staging a feeble recovery on Tuesday.

Former and future bartender, democrat Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, tweeted of the unprecedented below-zero oil prices "You absolutely love to see it. It's the right time for a worker-led, mass investment in green infrastructure to save our planet. *cough*" (Note: AOC's "cough" was, disappointingly, an attempt at humor and not indicative that she's in the final throes of Covid19.)

The mind-boggling idiocy of her pronouncement is so bad that the Board of Regents at Boston University, her alma matter, is not only talking about revoking her degree in economics, but also tarring and feathering her while tar is essentially free.

When there's no money to be made from drilling, refining, or transporting oil, the supply lines will stop. As will everything that ran on oil, which is pretty much civilization as we know it. And at that point, it's highly unlikely that roving bands of starving survivors will take much interest in windmills, solar panels, or replacing our nation's entire infrastructure with only the tools that the Amish use to raise barns.

Of course, the governments of the world will attempt to keep that from happening by propping up the oil industry with yet more trillions in monopoly money hot off the printing presses. At which point AOC may finally be exposed to fiscal terms like "hyper-inflation" which she clearly never encountered while dancing on rooftops at Boston U ("home of the Fighting Baked Beans").

FROM THE VAULT: HAPPY EARTH DAY!

Today is Earth Day, meaning that if any restaurants were open, Earth could get a free dessert and have an embarrassing song sung to it by hand-clapping waiters and waitresses. Sadly, that's not the case this year, and large public celebrations are unlikely what with the whole "go outside and die" thing.

That's why we're going back to 2013 for this Earth Day visit with Bark Obama and Joe Bitem!

It's Funny You Should Mask

The cartoon above is posted as a public service reminder that no matter how much we're all desperate to get back to normal life, masks are going to play a hugely important role in making that happen.

And not everything is bad about wearing a mask. For instance, many of us now appear to be only half as ugly. A piece of spinach stuck in your teeth? Who's going to know! Plus, masks give everyone a certain air of mystery and drama; just this morning, while walking our dog, a wary neighbor declared that we looked "threatening." A sentiment we tried to defuse, unsuccessfully, by sounding a loud, villainous "bwah-ha-ha!" laugh. After which, social distancing was no problem whatsoever.

Of course, if everyone is healthy at home, there's no need to wear a mask in the house (unless you're taking "playing doctor" to a kinky new level). Rather, you can just relax and spend this time with simple, shared family activities to help you beat cabin fever...

The Hell You Say

Sure, these are semi-apocalyptic times - but to remind people just how good they've still got it, we're paying an actual visit to Hell today guided by my father.

Not that he's in Hell (as far as I know), but rather because, decades ago, my Dad wrote funny captions for the many illustrations in a tattered, century-old edition of Dante's Inferno. Which may help explain why I've been inspired to do the same sort of nonsense my whole life. The nuts, as they say, don't fall far from the tree.

But now, let's check on those who fall from Grace. And for anyone sensitive to the smell of sulfur and brimstone, be sure to wear your N95 mask...

It's a moth joke - get it?

Have a great, safe, and socially isolated weekend!  -Stilt