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Monday, May 24, 2021

Guard Dooty

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, epstein, clinton, hillary, conspiracy, pedophile, guards

To the shock of legal scholars, it turns out that Justice isn't necessarily blind after all - it may just be asleep, playing computer solitaire, or watching porn during working hours.

At least, that's how it seems when we consider the jaw-dropping news that the two prison guards (both of whom could interview Lori Lightfoot, if you catch our drift) who were supposed to be keeping suicide watch on Jeffrey Epstein on the night of his death were actually sleeping, playing on computers, and generally doing anything other than their simple but important jobs. And then they falsified legal documents about their activities. 

For which, they're striking a plea deal that won't punish them at all, other than to give them each 100 hours of community service which will likely consist of sleeping, playing computer solitaire, watching porn, then signing false statements that say they were picking up litter next to highways.

Given that no one, and we mean NO ONE, believes that Jeffrey Epstein died of anything other than a murder-for-hire funded by one or more of the high-ranking perverts he had dirt on, this "let 'em off with a slap on the wrist" punishment appears to be more prima facie evidence of a high-level conspiracy.

Were the guards paid to look the other way? Or simply threatened by people who - demonstrably - have the willingness and ability to carry out death threats no matter how closely you're "guarded"?  Not to mention having enough political pull to make sure that their toadies can subsequently escape the legal consequences of their actions. Actions that directly resulted in a man's death and threw up a likely impenetrable barrier to the investigation of wealthy and powerful pedophiles and human traffickers. 

Still, this doesn't come as bad news to everyone...

(From Nov 4, 2019)

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, epstein, murder, suicide, trevor noah, gutsy women

In these stressful political times, it's important to remember to laugh as often as possible - especially about topics which are knee-slappingly funny like murder, pederasty, and sex trafficking.

At least, that's what Progressives find hilarious based on an interview in which The Daily Show host, Trevor Noah, asked Hillary Clinton how she killed Jeffrey Epstein - and was greeted with shrill, psychotic, Joker-style laughter by the First Lady of Arkancide. As opposed to, oh, a denial.

Alleged non-candidate Hillary was appearing on the show along with international diarrhea expert Chelsea "Daddy says it's not incest if I'm Webb Hubbell's" Clinton to promote their inspirational new children's book, "Gusty Women."

No, wait - the book is called "Gutsy Women" and it's filled with examples of women who, like Hillary, were strong and unapologetic historical trailblazers. Little girls (including, of course, those with a penis) can thrill to the colorful exploits of Lucretia Borgia, Lizzie Borden, Ma Barker, Aileen Wournos, Bonnie Parker, and Typhoid Mary - all of whom were gutsy enough to kill scores of people while laughing like hyenas.

And all of whom knew that Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.

Friday, May 21, 2021

Black Jive Matters

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, lori lightfoot, racist, interviews, ugly

Remember when racism was considered shameful and its practitioners had to do so from the shadows? Apparently, that's not the case for Lori Lightfoot, the mayor of Chicago ("Home of the Weekend Body Count"), who has now declared that she'll grant no one-on-one interviews to journalists who are (and we apologize for printing an obscenity) "white."

Lightfoot is openly offended by the number of white journalists covering City Hall in Chicago, and believes that a good dose of old-time racial segregation is just the ticket to establish healthy non-diverse diversity in the press corps.

Mind you, Ms. Lightfoot (preferred pronouns: "it, that, yikes") isn't interested in assuring diversity of opinion in the local news...just diversity of pigmentation.  Because as long as anyone in Chicago is still judging people based on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin, Mayor Lightfoot's racially divisive work is not finished.

MEDICAL UPDATE

We're pleased to report that Stilton's brother is recovering nicely from his recent surgical procedure. A procedure which involved blasting away the inside of his prostate using a flamethrower (well, a cauterizing green laser) which was inserted catheter-style into Mr. Happy's peephole. Then twisted.

We shudder to think about it, but hopefully the worst is over. Thank you for the many good wishes, thoughts, and prayers. And our apologies to every male reader who won't be able to uncross their legs all day after reading the description of that surgery.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, prostate, green laser, ouch

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

Daze of Our Lives

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, vacation, time off, day off, surgery

We're treating ourselves to a day off today (and quite possibly Friday) to take a little restorative break.  And by "restorative break," we mean freeing up extra time to argue with Medicare and Social Security about their bookkeeping, battling the bureaucracy of the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles, fretting about a twin brother (yes, he exists!) having hopefully minor surgery (think good thoughts about prostates today if you're not already in the habit of doing that), and catching up on various neglected chores.

There's nothing wrong - we're not intimidated by Google's recent "red page" stunt, our health is fine, and if no one cares that the government is now admitting that UFOs are real, unexplainable, and completely impossible for us to control or defend against, well, then we won't worry about it either. Much.

As always, the comments section is wide open to enjoy the remarks of the smartest and funniest community on the Internet!

BONUS: THE TRUTH IS UP THERE

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On a recent talk show, Barack Obama happily and casually announced that, oh yeah, UFOs are absolutely real and we have no idea what they are, how they work, or how to register them as Democrat voters.

But the great thing about making such an announcement on a comedy show is that it's then okay for everyone to treat it as comedy, right? Hey, if Barry, the host, and the laugh track are all happy about visitors whose technology makes us look like banana slugs, how could this possibly be anything worth worrying about?