Beaches? We Don't Need No Stinking Beaches!

We can't let the 77th Anniversary of the D-Day invasion pass without pausing to give thanks to all who served there and the many who died. Nor will we skip another opportunity to criticize those who have dishonored the day and the dead. 

FROM THE VAULT: BEACHES?! WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BEACHES! (2015)

Saturday marked the 71st anniversary of the historic D-Day invasion...which you'd think would make a pretty darn good topic for Barack Obama's weakly address (and no, that's not a typo). But instead, the president decided to harangue Americans  about June being "Immigrant Heritage Month." Although to be fair, we're sure he'll give equal time to "National Border Security Month" whenever it gets here.

For those with short memories or recent public educations, back in 1944 France had a pretty serious problem with people trampling their borders, speaking a foreign language, and forcing the locals to change their politics, taxes, and culture to accommodate the newly arrived "dreamers" (so-called because they were inspired by Adolph Hitler's "Dreams From My Fatherland"). And believe it or not, back then the United States was against that sort of thing!

But not today. Barack Obama declared that America is actually made stronger by people who trample our borders, speak a foreign language, and are forcing us to change our politics, taxes, and culture.

And according to the president, we can't just celebrate the allegedly rich heritage of illegal immigration, "we have to defend it." Specifically, he mentioned defending it from the evil sieg-heiling Republicans whom he seems to imagine are in cliff-top bunkers mercilessly spraying down machine gun fire at the dreamers bravely storming the bloodsoaked beaches of the Rio Grande.

And just to reinforce his not-so-subtle suggestion that Americans lack any moral authority to regulate immigration, he again spoke of Michelle and his daughters, "some of whose ancestors came here in chains." A thought so sad that it makes Hope n' Change want to send the ladies a reparation check if we can just get an address for one of the five-star luxury hotels they'll be staying in during their European vacation next week.

Barack Obama's choice of the anniversary of D-Day to denigrate Americans and praise our nation's invaders is almost the supreme irony. And we say "almost" only because he managed to top it only 24 hours later.

Because that's when he flew overseas to enjoy beer and sausages with the Germans.

Note: In the commentary above, we unintentionally made it sound like D-Day was an exclusively American operation. As we mark this 71st anniversary, let us also remember the many brave Brits, New Zealanders, Australians, Canadians and Poles who fought and died in Operation Overlord.

Paging Dr. Fauci

Amazon and Barnes & Noble have suddenly removed their listings for an upcoming new book by Dr. Anthony "I've Never Been Right About Anything In My Life" Fauci because, in a bit of irony almost too wonderful to be true, the book announcement was the result of an accidental leak. Although Fauci himself maintains that the PR release probably wrote itself and was subsequently spread through a wet market. 

The book, scheduled to be released in early November, is called "Expect The Unexpected: Ten Lessons on Truth, Service, and the Way Forward." Presumably because the publisher turned down the original title, "What The F*ck Have I Done: Lies, Deaths, and Criminal Liability." And at just 80 pages long, Fauci's "book" is really more of a pamphlet. Which is unsurprising considering that every lesson he's actually learned from the pandemic could fit neatly inside a fortune cookie ("Wear pancake makeup on TV so they can't see you sweat.")

The alleged book is being published by National Geographic, which has previously made most of its money by publishing a monthly magazine devoted to glossy, full-color pictures of bare-breasted African women with salacious captions like "Ubangi? Ubetcha!"

Not, of course, that there's anything wrong with that. Different cultures have different standards, and if impoverished black women are okay with being pimped as spank bank material by a big corporation, who are we to judge? It's certainly no reason for BLM to set any corporate offices on fire or anything.

But returning to the subject of Dr. Fauci's book, we expect it to change a lot of minds. Mostly on the subject of whether or not book-burning might be a good idea after all. We might even go so far as to suggest that "Expect The Unexpected" should become the next "Bonfire of the Inanities." 

On second thought, no we won't - because nothing about Dr. Fauci is a laughing matter. This whiny, weaselly little bastard has lied to the American people and the world about everything, pretty much from day one, and is at least partially culpable in millions of deaths.

He lied about the virus's human-to-human transmissibility, lied (repeatedly and inconsistently) about the effectiveness of masks, lied about the near-certainty that the virus came from a Wuhan lab leak, lied about the fact that he himself had sent American tax dollars to the Wuhan Virology Institute to fund "gain of function" research to turn bat viruses into human super-killers, lied about the significant efficacy and low risk from inexpensive medications like hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin (which surely could have saved hundreds of thousands of lives) while touting insanely expensive new medications from Big Pharma like Remdesivir - despite the fact that it has a 0% effect on reducing mortality.

In this global nightmare, Fauci has been one of the bad guys (historically among the worst of bad guys). But he's escaped close scrutiny because the media was able to use him as a goad in their war against President Donald "I know you hate me but I pushed the vaccine through anyway" Trump. And if that meant unimaginable numbers of people would die needlessly, well, it was worth it to get rid of the Bad Orange Man who wanted to Make America Great Again.

Fauci enjoying book profits from a global holocaust which he helped create is as nonsensical and offensive as the idea that Hitler should have gotten the royalties for The Diary of Anne Frank. The very idea is an obscenity.

Coming Up Next

In nature, mother birds regurgitate into the mouths of their young to provide all-important sustenance and nutrition. So too, in politics and the news, do those who are stationed above us puke into our upturned faces and expect a "thank you" for their generosity. And today, we're just not in the mood.

Reviewing news stories for today's blog, we managed to put ourselves in a foul mood (or fowl, if we want to stick with the bird metaphor). Enough so that we don't even have anything particularly clever to say, but will instead just list a few of the stories that are honking us off...

• On Sunday, two people were killed and 21 others injured at a mass shooting in Miami. News reports rather cryptically said that this occurred at a "banquet hall" and, for reasons we can only guess at, did not mention that it was a rap concert. The shootings were by three thugs who jumped from a white van and opened fire, then drove away. And despite the van being described as "white," no color was ascribed to the shooters. Including in the security video that showed three black guys with guns. But a mysterious shooting at a banquet hall just doesn't fit the desired news narrative as well as "black guys shoot up rap concert crowd because they can."

• There are more (and more) stories about hate crimes in which black folks beat the hell out of Asian folks. But again, the news reports only mention the victims' race...never that of the assailants, even though (again based on security video) it always seems to be black assailants. And we're bitching about this not because we've got a problem with anyone black, but we have a HUGE problem with "news" which distorts and hides facts which could be helpful in addressing a genuinely serious and growing problem.

• There are very few Covid-related topics we aren't sick of at this point, so we're not really enjoying the media's tiptoe approach into speculation that the virus was manipulated in, and escaped from, a lab in Wuhan, China. People who were paying any freaking attention at all have known this for more than a year. But the truth had to be covered up, lest the reality help Donald Trump's reelection effort. With very few exceptions, every news source has gotten so much wrong (often deliberately) about Covid that we just don't give a damn anymore.

• Holy sweet mother of pearl, do we dislike Biden and Harris! And all of their friends and co-conspirators.

• The White House issued a proclamation to remind us all that this is LGBTQ+ Pride Month. We're just unsure about whether it's racist when white LGBTQ+ people feel pride? We live in confusing times.

But rather than leave you with the impression that there's no such thing as good news anymore, we're happy to report that in Fitzgerald, Georgia, work continues on the construction of a majestic 62-foot framework which will soon become the world's largest living topiary chicken. It's stories like that which give us the will to keep going.