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Monday, January 28, 2019

Underground Railroaded

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, wall, shutdown, cave, ramen, democrats

Okay, before anyone gets too wildly bent out of shape by the cartoon above, let us admit that we're only reporting on appearances here - and in the Wild World O' Trump, appearances can be deceiving. We honestly don't know if Donald Trump's temporary end of the government shutdown is a cave or a Burmese tiger trap with sharpened punji sticks waiting to impale overly cocky Democrats (and yes, we're looking at you, Chuck Schumer).

When the impasse had been broken (for a 3 week financial extension), Schumer crowed that he'd "taught Trump a lesson." Those words may well come back to bite him - and soon. Because the lesson Trump should have learned is to never expect the Dems to relent for the good of the country or the benefit of the citizenry. So if deadlock turns to shutdown, Mr. President, keep things shut down until you get your damn wall, fence, or alligator-filled moat.

Of course, Trump probably felt some sympathy for the temporarily out of work federal employees who, we're told, are starving to death in droves and being bulldozed into mass graves because they're frankly too stupid to know how to manage their money or shop.

Seriously, we just received a notification from the North Texas Food Bank (to whom we voluntarily give regularly and generously) asking for additional donations owing to all of the federal employees who are elbowing aside the poor to get their hands on free food.

To which we'd like to offer, in complete sincerity, this little tidbit of potentially life-saving wisdom:


That's right, hungry non-essential federal workers! For less than 10 bucks at Costco, you can get 48 hot, delicious meals of the same type enjoyed by actual college graduates who are in much, much deeper debt than you are! That's 3 meals a day for 16 days! Toss in another $10 and you can buy a mega-jar of gummi multi-vitamins to stay in optimal health! Another $10 will get you two jars of protein-rich peanut butter, each of which is roughly the size of your head. Want more choices? Add some frozen peas, a raw egg, or some sriracha sauce to your delicious, inexpensive noodle feast! Like your noodles crushed first? Hand the package to a hungry TSA Agent and ask him/her to imagine it's someone's crotch!

And we're strongly recommending that you get your bureaucratic butts in gear and stock up now, because thanks to the arrogance and intransigence of Democratic "leadership," the next shutdown - which starts in under three weeks - will probably last until 2020.

Speaking of which...

BONUS: BERNIE THE DINOSAUR

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, bernie sanders, 2020, hillary, run
In fairness, he might ACTUALLY run if he hears Hillary pumping a shotgun behind him...
With both socialism and insanity reaching new heights of popularity, Bernie "Why Did I Come Into This Room?" Sanders has made it clear that he's launching a brand new campaign for the presidency. Presumably, his main platform will again be ending income inequality by "cutting up the financial pie like the Manson family going after Sharon Tate."

Truth be told, we're very excited about seeing the various Dems queue up to get into the race, for the same reason that we loved attending the glorious "10-in-1" carnival Freak Shows of our youth. Entertainment just doesn't get any better, assuming you can keep from upchucking your corndogs.

36 comments:

Jason Anyone said...

"Trump should have learned is to never expect the Dems to relent for the good of the country or the benefit of the citizenry."

I had a similar thought. Then again, he probably realized that, if "you can't fix stupid", then there's no way in hell you can hope to reason with "they'd have to aspire to even get to stupid."

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dx90tMKXQAE1vZr.jpg

Jason Anyone said...

"Entertainment just doesn't get any better, assuming you can keep from upchucking your corndogs."

When I saw the tweet from that "fargin' icehole", Krusty Jellyfish, announcing her new kind of campaign, I replied "I'm looking forward to it", along with my prediction of how far she would (more likely, "wouldn't") get.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dx8VSyJWsAgL0A6.jpg

mamafrog said...

From what I've been reading he actually gave them 21 days to be productive about it or he would declare a National Emergency and do it anyway. And many of the dams are telling Shrillary and Bummary to take their road trip somewhere else, they aren't voting for them again.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Oh, come now! We all know that Trump is constantly playing three dimensional chess!

Or maybe it's four dimensional Candy Land. I'm not sure.

James Daily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan C said...

In my opinion, the 3 week thing is a smart strategic move. He took the 'Unpaid Federal Workers' card away from the Dems and gave them a deadline to keep that card from becoming part of his hand.

Geoff King said...

Having been down on my luck several times in the past, I can say from experience that a cheap can of tuna fish mixed with Ramen Noodles is quite the hearty meal.
I have also visited a food bank a few times, but I am not big on vegetables so the 5 heads of cabbage they usually hand out is totally wasted on me.

Snark said...

Trump has proven many times over that he is aware of Lil' Chuckie's lesson: You can trust them ONLY to talk and do NOTHING constructive unless forced to. They don't know how to negotiate, only to demand like children and expect the Repubs to cave in - which they always have done. The Donald ain't your father's spineless Republican. San Fran Nan and Lil' Chuckie still haven't figured that out. One gets the idea that they are a bit slow....

Rod said...

Love the flash-back to freak shows at circus, which made multiple memorable impressions on me. If by messing with the space-time continuuum the current version Chuck & Nan had been there in 1950s: Chuck would be the barker; Nan would be in the show; Trump would own the circus.

Murphy(AZ) said...

What I'm noticing, and I'm wondering if I'm alone:

Are the Dems about to repeat election suicide in 2020 like the Reps did in 2016? I'm not complaining, mind you, but the lesson was taught that the more useless candidates you turn loose in the political field, the more likely you (Dems) will end up with an unexpected candidate.

Reality check: of all the possibilities announced so far, and all the "probable's," and all the deep-space crazies that will announce in the next eight months, do any of them stand out as true leaders, or are the Lefties hoping for a messiah to wander in from the desert?

Next point: there are a growing number of "me too" candidates on the Left who are promising to spend all of our national treasure (and more) to provide free EVERYTHING! for absolutely EVERYBODY! when they get elected.

Setting aside for a moment that this giveaway probably won't include Conservative EVERYBODY'S, it seems that they all propose to do this by steeply increasing taxes on the wildly rich "tippy-top" uber billionaires.

When you stop to give this a closer look, aren't most of these EEEVILE rich folks publically identified as Democrats or Liberals? Aren't businesses like Apple, Ben and Jerry's, Microsoft, etc., also decidedly on the tax-and-spend side of things?

The bandwagon Dems might want to take a look at just who might feel the bite of any proposed tax increases. I know that if my taxes are going to go up, I'm probably going to be less inclined to make donations to the candidates who are driving this foolishness.

Wanderer Werewolf said...

Depends on the food bank. Our local food pantry gives you a whole frozen ham, boxes of mac and cheese, and plenty of canned goods. I just need to find some way to use the canned pumpkin...

Fred Ciampi said...

I am reminded of the time when Trump wanted to build a building and a little old lady wouldn't sell her home to him. Her's was the last one on the block preventing him from owning the whole block. So he build his giant building around the lady's house. I am watching and waiting for President Trump to do something similar with the demon-crats. He did not become the most successful businessman in the galaxy by giving up and he will be the most successful president for the same reason.

Remember what Chesty said when he was informed that the Corps was surrounded and outnumbered about four to one in below freezing weather on the Chosin reservoir. (Korean War, 1950). Chesty said "Good, now we can shoot in any direction." That is the spirit of President Trump.

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. And what a drop it will be.

McChuck said...

Wanderer Werewolf - try pumpkin poppers.
(A)
2 cups flower
1 cup sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp allspice
1/2 cup milk chocolate chips
1/2 cup peanut butter chips

(B)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 Tbsp milk
1/4 tsp vanilla extract

(C)
1 small (15 oz) can pumpkin
1/2 cup cooking oil

Mix A. Add C, blend thoroughly. Mix B. Blend B into mixture.
Spoon into greased mini-muffin tins. Bake at 375F for 12-13 minutes. Allow to cool for 10 minutes before removing onto cooling racks.

Seal storage container with cling wrap or tight fitting lid, as the poppers will dry out relatively quickly.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jason Anyone- While "stupidity" is my preferred Occam's Razor explanation for the Left's actions, sometimes it's impossible to take "evil" completely off the table. This is one of those times. And it's damn hard to conduct a negotiation with people who see suffering and paid as victories for their side.

And yeah, Kristen Gillibrand (is that how her name is spelled?) shouldn't last long in the presidential race.

@mamafrog- Theoretically, Trump gave the Dems 21 days to negotiate further, but we all know how that will turn out. So I hope that Trump WILL declare that national emergency - but I would have preferred that he do it at the same time he ended the shutdown, if only to prevent Chuck and Nancy from crowing.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- "Four dimensional Candy Land" is probably the funniest thing I'm going to read all day!

@Dan C- I hope you're right. It's pretty hard for me to know what is or isn't smart strategy anymore.

@Geoff King- Like I said, I'm a proponent of food banks, and the good work they do. And I'm especially sympathetic to families who need help with their meals. But any federal employee should be able to put food on the table in the short term - albeit not necessarily the healthiest. There are actually a lot of ways to upgrade Ramen on a budget.

@Snark- I think Chuck's smirking dismissal of Trump likely sealed the deal for the declaration of a national emergency.

@Rod- I really do have a passionate love of the old 10-in-1 Freak Shows, notably the one run by the magnificent Ward Hall which visited the Indiana State Fair annually in my youth. William Durks, the two-faced man...Dickie the Penguin Boy...Poobah the dwarf, with his iron tongue...Uncle Bud, the human pincussion, and many more. Every last one of them more interesting than the idiots who are allegedly "running things" now.

@Murphy (AZ)- All that you say is true, but the high-dollar types don't actually fear the Dem socialists because they know that it's a bluff. Oh sure, taxes will be raised on the middle class - but the donor class need never fear. And it will be interesting to see how an overcrowded race amongst the Dems work out. In my opinion, Trump didn't beat the hordes of other Republicans by being the best candidate or the best debater (ha!) - but rather by being the unique choice while other reasonable candidates had to split the "reasonable" vote. It could happen on the Left, too - just look how far Bernie got last time. Hell, he would have been the candidate if Hillary hadn't bought the DNC and torpedoed him.

@Wanderer Werewolf- Have you tried a peanut butter and canned pumpkin sandwich? Sounds iffy, but I'd try it with a cup of black coffee.

@Fred Ciampi- I still don't know if Trump is some kind of idiot-savant genius, but I DO know that he doesn't like to lose. So I, too, expect the "other shoe to drop" any time now...and I'm looking forward to it. I won't be happy until the Dems are aghast.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@McChuck- Thanks for the recipe!

Tots said...

The left doesn't care about compromise and haven't since Bush won the presidency back in 2004. They want to win everything at all costs and damn the consequences.

I've given up hope for any kind of debate or logic with the other side. People I've known my whole life have turned into frothing, spittle-flecked morons from the rage they have again the thought of a wall, barrier or enforcement of existing laws.

I've joked about "Idiocracy," but we're here.

Dukem said...

I will say that reading Stilton's Place daily has kept me from sinking into the deepest despair of my lengthy life, and without it, all that remains would be the proverbial freak show alluded to elsewhere today. And I went to some real traveling circus freak shows when I was a kid in the South, and what was behind the curtain was always a fraud, yet scarier than my imagination. Hopefully this will not be the result of this highly unusual period of history. Humor, dark humor, seems to be all that is left to get me/us through.

Liberty Card said...

I think Trump should suspend Foreign Aid payments to Mexico, Honduras, and all the other recipients of US largess, and use that money for the wall. Can you just imagine how the Liberals and despots would howl about that? He could reinstate the FA as soon as theose countries stop shipping their sick, lame, lazy criminals here based on the fake idea that they are welcome to suck directly from the American teat of largess.

Sortahwitte said...

I have been a supporter of the food bank in OKC. When I got a letter asking for money to "re-stock" their supplies because of the amount of federal employees suddenly on the dole, I had to go Hmmmm. Are they all so dense as to not have any savings? Are there not canned goods and staples in their cabinets, like most people with a brain? Ramen? If you are that ignorant, maybe you need to reduce your calorie intake. We, in this country, waste as much food as we eat. Shame on us. Look at commie/socialist's best example of success on the northern shores of South America and plan accordingly.

By the way, I suspended my donations to the food bank and told them why. No reply yet.

TrickyRicky said...

@Wanderer Werewolf- If you have dogs, they love canned pumpkin and it's great for their diet, along with bone broth and cheap frozen veggies.

President DJT may need to use the military to build the wall, barrier, whatever. It would be quick and done well. I am positive that President DJT was fully aware of the smirking, spiking-the-ball reaction he would receive from Nan the nematode and Upchuck. He just wanted the country and world to see them in all of their petty, America be damned glory. He also hit the ball squarely back into their court.

Any federal workers who couldn't plan ahead with some savings or a credit card to get through some tough times, also known as a delayed-paid vacation, deserve to go hungry. Welcome to the non-Public employment arena.

James Daily said...






Did President Trump actually lose this round? Yes, but I doubt he lost much support. 800,000 working people not getting a pay check for a month is pretty serious since probably 90% live check to check and beyond their means. Unfortunately, the Coasties will still not be paid, thank you Schumer. The school loans you mentioned has these nitwits in bondage for years on end because they never understood economics nor mathematics. They are chained to the democrats hoping beyond hope they will get relief because the dems said they would make education free. Just another lie and many will die still indebted in student loans.

Then there is great excitement in the democrat party because Saint Hillary has announced that running for President in 2020 is being seriously considered.

Lastly, the RINOs have joined the dems trying to derail an Emergency wall build. Even Ann Coulter has joined but I knew that was coming. For reasons known only to herself has she became a turncoat. But, another shit show is coming in three weeks. One that has me scratching my head is the IRS saying it will take them a year to recover.


MAJ Arkay said...

Wanderer Werewolf, try some refreshing Pumpkin Nog:

5 cups almond milk
One 4-serving box Jell-O Sugar Free Fat Free Vanilla instant pudding mix
1 can pure pumpkin
1 tsp. rum extract (optional, I don't usually bother)
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1/4 tsp. cinnamon

Combine all ingredients in a blender, and blend at high speed until smooth.

Transfer to a pitcher, cover, and refrigerate until thickened, at least 3 hours.

Serve cold with nutmeg or cinnamon on top. Add rum or whiskey if desired.

If you're not watching calories or carbs, you can substitute real milk for the almond milk and regular instant vanilla pudding.

Gee M said...

Of all the mythical and literary characters there are, DJT, President most achieves doppelganger status with one brilliant, near-Tourettes speaking, always winning at the end of seemingly devasting and discouraging events... William Shatner's cigar smokin' Brandy drinking character in BOSTON LEGAL...Denny Crain, attorney at law.

They are so alike ... I love DC like I love DJT, President.

And I enjoy so much watching them make heads explode!

Unknown said...

Pumpkin bread is delicious and filling.

Graylady said...

I also make Pumpkin Nog. However i leave out the Rum Extract and substitute a good glug of the real thing

socaltom10 said...

The next time, Trump should simply veto all bills that might cross his desk and put congress out of work.

John the Econ said...

The Cave? Quite frankly, I'm not sure what it is. What I do know is that there was little movement on either side. Also, I suspect that this temporary reprieve had more to do with the Superbowl next week, with disgruntled air traffic controllers subtly threatening to slow down air traffic going into Atlanta later this week for the Superbowl. That would have been a spectacle that neither side would have won.

But I love the idea that after over a month, the thought has been implanted in people's minds about what the government does, which jobs are "essential" and which are not. And which jobs would be better handled by the private sector, which has every incentive not to close on political whim.

And remember how different Trump's shutdown was compared to Obama's. Remember the "Barrycades", where the Obama Administration actually spent money that was supposedly frozen for the government to go out of its way to inconvenience the citizenry when and wherever possible?

Government Workers: Like @Stilton, I have limited sympathy for the bulk of them. Most are paid well enough to have more than a few months of savings on hand for the kind of life contingencies that the vast majority of the rest of the nation has to assume that they will face at some point in their life. Most of the sob stories the MSM was dredging up over the last several weeks were between embarrassing and downright fraudulent.

In particular, I'm thinking of the one woman who was being evicted days after missing her first government paycheck. Having been a landlord in the past, I can tell you for a fact that evictions do not happen that fast. In most states, it literally takes a quarter or longer to get rid of a non-paying tenant. If this woman really was getting evicted, it's only because she's been in arrears since last summer. Her problem was not missing a single paycheck. That the media promoted her was a fraud.

Bernie: I'm pretty sure Bernie isn't going to be the candidate. But I have little doubt that one of his ideological proteges will be.

2020 will be interesting for the Democrats as they search for their soul. The fact that there are so many (as opposed to 2016 when there was only one) is proof (for the moment anyway) that the party is no longer wholly owned by a single interest or entity. The establishment Democrats in their deal with the devil have empowered the far-left (oh, let's just say it, "communist") fringe of the party to take control.

So expect a bidding war offering unprecedented promises of "free", starting with health care and college, and extending into practically everything else, including housing and food. When their done, there will be no point left in actually working. We've already got people in Congress who do not equate consumption with actual work.

valvenator said...

M. Mitchell Marmel said.
Oh, come now! We all know that Trump is constantly playing three dimensional chess!
Or maybe it's four dimensional Candy Land. I'm not sure.

I was thinking Snakes and Ladders myself.

socaltom10 said...

I'm betting that Michelle Obama will be the Democrat's pick for 2020.

Rod said...

And Barry can be First Lady! How nice.

Fred Ciampi said...

I think I forgot to click the box for follow up comments. This should fix it.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Valvenator: I considered "Snakes and Ladders," but decided "Candy Land" was funnier. :D

CC said...

I doubt the dung on the pungi sticks have any effect on dung that falls on them.

CC said...

Snazzy suit - how can one wear a suit & tie & still look like a fucking bum?

Murphy(AZ) said...

When I make pumpkin bread, I include raisins and chopped walnuts. Some people don't like raisins and won't eat it, some don't like nuts and they won't eat it. I love them both.

More for me!

JustaJeepGuy said...

@CC said "...how can one wear a suit & tie & still look like a fucking bum?"

It's easy when you're a bum like Bernie. Remember, he got kicked out of a commune because he wouldn't work. He's a bum who has never held a real job, he just got elected to a mayor's post and has sponged off the taxpayers ever since.