Okay, before anyone gets too wildly bent out of shape by the cartoon above, let us admit that we're only reporting on appearances here - and in the Wild World O' Trump, appearances can be deceiving. We honestly don't know if Donald Trump's temporary end of the government shutdown is a cave or a Burmese tiger trap with sharpened punji sticks waiting to impale overly cocky Democrats (and yes, we're looking at you, Chuck Schumer).
When the impasse had been broken (for a 3 week financial extension), Schumer crowed that he'd "taught Trump a lesson." Those words may well come back to bite him - and soon. Because the lesson Trump should have learned is to never expect the Dems to relent for the good of the country or the benefit of the citizenry. So if deadlock turns to shutdown, Mr. President, keep things shut down until you get your damn wall, fence, or alligator-filled moat.
Of course, Trump probably felt some sympathy for the temporarily out of work federal employees who, we're told, are starving to death in droves and being bulldozed into mass graves because they're frankly too stupid to know how to manage their money or shop.
Seriously, we just received a notification from the North Texas Food Bank (to whom we voluntarily give regularly and generously) asking for additional donations owing to all of the federal employees who are elbowing aside the poor to get their hands on free food.
To which we'd like to offer, in complete sincerity, this little tidbit of potentially life-saving wisdom:
That's right, hungry non-essential federal workers! For less than 10 bucks at Costco, you can get 48 hot, delicious meals of the same type enjoyed by actual college graduates who are in much, much deeper debt than you are! That's 3 meals a day for 16 days! Toss in another $10 and you can buy a mega-jar of gummi multi-vitamins to stay in optimal health! Another $10 will get you two jars of protein-rich peanut butter, each of which is roughly the size of your head. Want more choices? Add some frozen peas, a raw egg, or some sriracha sauce to your delicious, inexpensive noodle feast! Like your noodles crushed first? Hand the package to a hungry TSA Agent and ask him/her to imagine it's someone's crotch!
And we're strongly recommending that you get your bureaucratic butts in gear and stock up now, because thanks to the arrogance and intransigence of Democratic "leadership," the next shutdown - which starts in under three weeks - will probably last until 2020.
Speaking of which...
BONUS: BERNIE THE DINOSAUR
|In fairness, he might ACTUALLY run if he hears Hillary pumping a shotgun behind him...|
With both socialism and insanity reaching new heights of popularity, Bernie "Why Did I Come Into This Room?" Sanders has made it clear that he's launching a brand new campaign for the presidency. Presumably, his main platform will again be ending income inequality by "cutting up the financial pie like the Manson family going after Sharon Tate."