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Monday, February 25, 2019

From The Vault: Statue of Limitations

Before going any farther, we'd like to kick off today's post with an idea we had which was inspired by the Jussie Smollett fiasco and our desire to bring together people of different races and political ideologies...

Washing instructions: extreme cold, no bleach
Yep, that should do the trick!

Although truthfully, rather than a hat which heals our nation's great divide, what we really needed today was a thinking cap...because we couldn't bring ourselves to do a new cartoon about the Oscars, owing to the fact that we don't give a tinker's damn about anything the idiots in Hollywood want to jam down our throats or up our rear ends.

Which is why it seemed a good time to revisit this cartoon from January 19, 2015...

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obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, mlk, martin luther king, al sharpton, oscars

Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day. And what better way to celebrate the progress of Dr. King's magnificent vision than to take note of the fact that in today's America, "racism" is defined as failing to give enough statuettes to black millionaires in Hollywood.

At least, that's the opinion of Reverend Al "Taxes Is For White Folks" Sharpton, who has somehow become the ludicrous heir apparent to Dr. King's legacy. Following the announcement of this year's Oscar nominations, Reverend Al called an emergency meeting of his Diversity Task Force to address the fact that there were no black actors or directors nominated for top awards.

"In the time of Ferguson," Sharpton said while squinting into his word-a-day dictionary, "that is incongruous!"

Fortunately, the Diversity Task Force came up with a brilliant idea and announced that the always-diverse Black Entertainment Television network will now host the all-black Hollywood "Sharpie Awards."

There will be awards for "Best Blacktor" and "Best Blacktress," as well as awards for "Best Denzel Washington Movie," "Best Movie With Tyler Perry In A Housedress," "Best Movie That Oprah Had Any Damn Thing To Do With," and the "Samuel Motherfucking Jackson Lifetime Achievement Award" which, it is rumored, will be posthumously awarded to Ferguson's own Michael Brown for his non-moving performance in "Hands Up, Don't Shoot."

Currently, neither the Reverend Sharpton nor his Diversity Task Force has announced plans for a Martin Luther King "Content Of Character" award.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, mlk, martin luther king, al sharpton, oscars

24 comments:

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Where do I order the hat?

Jason Anyone said...

"There will be awards for "Best Blacktor" and "Best Blacktress," as well as awards for "Best Denzel Washington Movie,"..."

Or, they could just do like I suggested for the other ACattyMe Awards, and just give everyone a participation trophy and be done with it. (Although, it just dawned on me that I should have run it thru the O-Co Loco to English translator and included, "even those unwilling to participate.") Oh well...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D0OKDVyXcAUXNgT.jpg

Jim Irre said...

Yup, the hat! I need one!

Fred Ciampi said...

When are other industries going to award themselves prizes and liddle statues for being good in their own particular field. Actually, I don't thing that it's for being good in their fields but who dragged in the most money.

Congress would be a good next bet. I can hear it now "And now, the winner of the Boxer Award for the most money made in Washington, Dee See, Nancy Pee-Loosey, who on a salary of $234,000 per year is worth $2,833,246,127.46 after just 10 years on the job. And following up, 57% of the rest of the House and Senate.

Wouldn't it be nice if that same ratio applied to everybody? 'Nuff said.

And on another subject, my chickens were making noises all night they sounded like "oh, ow, oh ow, oh, ow, oh ow, oh, ow, oh ow, oh, ow, oh ow, oh, ow, oh ow, oh, ow, oh ow, all night. When I went to gather the eggs this morning the eggs were all square. Hmmmmm.....

Fred Ciampi said...

Next, I'll talk about 'Oh, NO!' birds.

Bruce Bleu said...

I can't even WATCH a "black movie" any more... 8 years of having "blackness" jammed down my throat is ENOUGH! There is not a racist bone in my body, HELL, there's not even racist CARTILAGE in my body, but I DO know how to express disrespect for those who HATE my country, and I DO that quite well!

Fish Out of Water said...

Speaking of hats, from another blog...

http://www.thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/maba-a-new-movement-t20503.html

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I did a custom design online, but don't actually have the hat for sale. Maybe I need to rethink that...

@Jason Anyone- I love the idea of the awards for "those unwilling to participate." Why not?

@Jim Irre- I'm tempted to get one myself...

@Fred Ciampi- I hope to high Heaven that no one in Congress gets wind of your idea to stage an awards ceremony for themselves. It would catch on in a heartbeat! Then again, it really MIGHT be a fun idea as long as We The People got to create the categories and select the "winners."

And I know I'll hate myself, but what are "Oh, NO!" birds? (I do, however, know the legend surrounding the poop of the Foo bird.)

@Bruce Bleu- You make a good point. I'm all for diversity (albeit not of the Affirmative Action kind), but don't want to get a sociopolitical lecture in movies I watch for entertainment. I still haven't watched "Black Panther" for that very reason, and it would normally be the sort of popcorn-fest I'd enjoy. Admittedly, I've become hypersensitive over the years...

@Fish Out of Water- I'm a big believer in MABA!

Jan Blickenstaff said...

Did not watch the Best Pretender Awards given by the lesser and more envious Pretenders from Pretend-land. They waste all those precious resources and generate all that CO2 with their Pretensions. Let's simplify: Isn't the best grossing film the Best award. No need to preen and parade all their unequal wealth. Just send out an electronic press release.

AmyH said...

I was going to watch Steven Crowder's Anti Awards show on the U Tube channel but ABCdefg channel got wind and shut it down (so much for being "unbiased"). I then went to his FB channel & couldnt watch it either. I dont know if it was because I dont have an account or they too were stopping it. I keep my TV away from any channel that is showing the "awards". If my DVR can tell them what channel I watched, I dont want to give them any ratings.

Fred Ciampi said...

Stilt, an 'oh, NO' bird had two inch legs and a three inch pecker. You can always hear it coming in for a landing; "oh, NO, oh, NO, oh, NO.......

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jan Blickenstaff- For what it's worth, "Best Picture" doesn't usually go to the highest grossing film. Of course, it usually doesn't go the actual best picture either.

@AmyH- I take the Rhett Butler approach to the Oscars. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

@Fred Ciampi- HA! And an explorer in the Amazon jungle was pooped on by the giant Foo bird, and his guide said "whatever you do, don't wash that off." The explorer laughed it off, stepped under a waterfall for a quick shower, then quickly dropped dead. Moral: If the Foo shits, wear it.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Stilton: Another explorer heard the "Foo! Foo!" call of the Foo bird and jumped in a nearby river to escape. A seal swam by, trailing a sticky brown substance. Disgusted, the explorer wiped the substance off-and promptly expired.


That river was dangerous, as any seal could plainly Foo.

John the Econ said...

We barely even watch movies anymore, much less awards shows. Every week, we scroll through what's available at on Netflix or our local Redbox, and we always say the same thing: It's simply amazing the sheer mass of quantity of content that Hollywood pumps out that has absolutely zero appeal to us.

As for the awards shows: Since we don't watch ourselves, we rely upon others to let us know if they were the least bit interesting. It's my understanding that other than a call of "menstrual equity", it was the predicted snooze fest.

(Seriously, have these people never been to a supermarket? If this is really the biggest problem we face today in America, we are indisputably the most blessed nation in the history of history)

Here's the thing with celebrity awards shows: These are some of the most privileged people on the planet. And yet, deep down most (but not all) of these people realize that at the end of the day, they are just entertainers. Not that there is necessarily anything inherently wrong with that, but at the end of the day it's not like they're curing cancer or securing world peace. So they feel a tinge of guilt that they get to be so blessed compared to those who actually are working to cure cancer.

So they compensate with being SJWs. Why? Because it's cheap and easy. It demands almost nothing of consequence from them. They get to feel good. They get to feel important and relevant. It's non-controversial among those most enamored of celebritydom. They can spew whatever pities on the designated subject of the day (Today: TDS) and then move on.

And it's boring. At least if you have a brain.

Speaking of celebrities and social causes:

At Venezuela’s Border, a Strange and Deadly Showdown Over Aid

Maduro has said he’s refusing the food aid because Venezuelans are not “beggars.” According to the Times, the protesters seen in this video are singing, “They are killing us with hunger.”

Maduro's thugs are literally shooting people at the borders for starving. Just another fine example of how you can vote your way into socialism. But if you want to survive, you'll have to shoot your way out.

So now that the shooting has begun, where is Sean Penn, Oliver Stone, Danny Glover and Michael Moore, and countless other Hollywood virtue signalers now that "the people" are really in trouble?

Colby Muenster said...

Every day, without fail, I can read about some spoiled brat, overpaid, Hollywood ass-hat insulting my values, my beliefs, my Constitutional rights, my heritage, the way I voted, where I shop, what I eat, etc. etc. etc....

Then I'm supposed to watch 4 hours of the same ass-hats fawning over each other and getting awards for movies that I wouldn't watch unless forced to at gunpoint. To top it off, while they are all patting each other on the back, the barrage of insults mentioned above becomes exponentially worse during this 4 hours.

Also without fail, the movies I really like NEVER get awards, so I guess the Oscars actually do serve a purpose. They do a fine job of informing me of what movies to never, ever see. The films that get snubbed are likely pretty darn good, though.

Judi King said...

I never watch the academy awards show anymore. If they held an insanely stupid awards show I might watch it for laughs.

ringgo1 said...

@Silton: Ahh...the famous Foo Bird! Do you know about the Mom-back Birds? These are black birds usually seen in alleys behind garbage trucks, calling "Mom-back! Mom-back!" (beep-beep-beep...) I'll see myself out...

Jan Blickenstaff said...

To beat a point to death; The Best Movie is the one that attracts the most viewers/money -- gross receipts. Awards for the Best Artistry is pretentious that anybody was doing it for the art and not money. I always did a Good Job to make the best money. As a farmer told me, "I do not farm to feed the world. I farm to feed my family." None of hollyweird are starving artists suffering for their Art. If they are, they are bad artists.

James Daily said...

I think George C. Scott and Marlon Brando did it right by telling them to stick the Oscar. There are more categories for awards than Carter's has Liver Pills. One thing for sure, the dressmakers have a nice payday, selling a piece of cloth for thousands that can only be used once. What a racket.

Gee M said...

I find the AAs so pretentious, I get nauseous; but...last year The Shape of Water won Best Pic... it is a great movie, I was moved by this awesome flick; the winner for best animation was Coco, one of my most favorite animated movies ever.
Someone has their head outa their butt in the Academy's ranks...
I have seen some of the nom'd movies, Black Panther was fun, the racists lost big and I had a good time.
A Star is Born #10 (j/k)... not that good...Bradley and Gaga did good singing.
Will You Ever Forgive Me? well worth watching...
Bohemian Rhapsody was good because Queen was good.
Didn't see any others...

Old Cannonballs said...

I stopped watching ALL the self-congratulatory "entertainment" industry award shows years ago -- Oscars, Emmys, Grammys -- as just way too sick-making. Alot of that stuff is downright demonic.

Old Cannonballs said...

One year at the Grammys Jack Black led the audience in a "Hail Satan" prayer, after pointing out that the devil is the main rock and roll dude, and waving around the horns gesture with the index and little fingers of both hands. Even halftime at the Stuporbowl looks like some kind of occult ritual half the time.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Stilt, did you miss Billy Porter in full black female garb: mainly a huge black hoop skirt? Porter made some inane statements that you should investigate. Frankly, I can imagine Porter wearing the same dress, but in camo, after being disinvited to a Texas
wild pig hunt.

John the Econ said...

Nation's Wealthy, Privileged Gather To Lecture Nation On Evils Of Wealth, Privilege

HOLLYWOOD, CA—According to sources at the 91st annual Academy Awards ceremony this evening, the nation's wealthy, privileged elite gathered to lecture the nation on the horrendous evils of wealth and privilege.

The wealthiest 0.00001% of the nation arrived at the exclusive, walled-off, high-security event in limos and luxury cars driven by servants in order to spend a few hours telling the nation's poor and middle-class citizens how they need to throw off the yoke of oppression put on them by the wealthy elite.

"It's the white, privileged, wealth hoarders that are ruining America," said one white, privileged man whose net worth is estimated at $160 million. "All you people in the cheap seats at home: you need to do better."

"America is just a terrible nation with no opportunity," said one woman who made $100 million wearing costumes and reading words someone else wrote off a page. "We must stop the 1% from hoarding all the wealth." Upon being informed she was well within the 1%, she clarified that it was actually the 0.000001% who are the problem.

Unfortunately, it looks like the event will proceed as planned next year as well.