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Monday, November 4, 2019

Funny Business

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, epstein, murder, suicide, trevor noah, gutsy women

In these stressful political times, it's important to remember to laugh from time to time - especially about topics which are knee-slappingly funny like murder, pederasty, and sex trafficking.

At least, that's what Progressives find hilarious based on an interview in which The Daily Show host, Trevor Noah, asked Hillary Clinton how she killed Jeffrey Epstein - and was greeted with shrill, psychotic, Joker-style laughter by the First Lady of Arkancide. As opposed to, oh, a denial.

Alleged non-candidate Hillary was appearing on the show along with international diarrhea expert Chelsea "Daddy says it's not incest if I'm Webb Hubbell's" Clinton to promote their inspirational new children's book, "Gusty Women."

No, wait - the book is called "Gutsy Women" and it's filled with examples of women who, like Hillary, were strong and unapologetic historical trailblazers. Little girls (including, of course, those with a penis) can thrill to the colorful exploits of Lucretia Borgia, Lizzie Borden, Ma Barker, Aileen Wournos, Bonnie Parker, and Typhoid Mary - all of whom were gutsy enough to kill scores of people while laughing like hyenas.

And all of whom knew that Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.

FROM THE VAULT: THE SANDERS OF TIME


We'll skip our usual lengthy diatribe about Daylight Saving Time other than to say that we hate this temporal torture with every fiber of our jet-lagged being and don't appreciate, when 6 o'clock rolls around, being as in the dark as an MSNBC viewer.

33 comments:

REM1875 said...

Considering everything in her 'Kabuki Dance' is choreographed for maximum impact I expect to see this come up again as "questions I already answered" without the media pointing out how it was answered and using it to justify and back her to the hilt.......

JustaJeepGuy said...

Trevor Noah probably ought to be extra-careful or he might find out the hard way exactly how Hitlary killed Epstein.

Jim Irre said...

Obviously, killing Epstein was necessary to protect Bill . . . again. I'm glad I didn't hear the cackle as it makes my skin spontaneously peel off my body.

Fritzchen said...

Whenever I hear Hillary's cackle, she reminds me of Bette Davis in the movie, "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?"
Hillary laughs like someone who is in desperate need of training in how to laugh like a normal human being, and that is most unnerving!

Regnad Kcin said...

Hollywood should remake the "Wizard of Oz" and cast the 'beast as the wicked witch. With a cackle like that she'd be definite Oscar material. Hope her broom ain't double parked outside the studio........

Fish Out of Water said...

This may not be analogous to the prospect of the most unqualified, unworthy and unfit POTUS candidate since Henry Wallace joining the race for the 3rd time (as if 2 repudiations weren't enough) but can anyone explain how it was Adlai Stevenson wound up running twice against Eisenhower?

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Fish: Nobody else wanted to be the sacrificial lamb against Ike. Which might just be analogous after all...

Daylight Savings Time: All of the fun of jet lag, none of the travel.

jpb252 said...

Regardless of the Wicked Witch of the East cackling over the deaths of her enemies, one of the joys of living in Arizona is staying on Mountain Standard Time year round. No messing with the clock in the Copper State.

Geoff King said...

@ jpb252: Not only do we Arizonians get to skip the clock changing ritual, we also are not subjected to those annoying and erroneous PSA's (obviously sponsored by Duracell and Eveready) telling us it is also time to change the batteries in our smoke detectors.
Our only dilemma is in trying to remember if we are now the same time as Denver or Los Angeles, and whether relatives back east are now two or three hours different.

Fred Ciampi said...

OK, as long as we're on the subject of things funny, I have a question. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny!!! Hahahahahahahafartbarfpee........ Oooooh, time for moonshine.

Anonymous said...

The winter time change kills my afternoons. I have to zip on home, change clothes and drive to pasture to feed the cows, preferably before dark. Because feeding 800 - 1000 lb. animals with brains the size of an ice cube can be right dangerous. Not that they are vicious tempered, but they just don't know their strength and run over you in a blink of an eye. I take an pick axe handle to serve as a 'bull stick'.

Mike said...

If I were in charge, daylight savings time would be YEAR ROUND and in winter it would be TWO hours.

I call the winter season "DWT" - Daylight Wasting Time or D@mn Winter Time - take your pick as to which.

There's no earthly reason for daylight in the morning getting-ready-for-work hours. They're needed to allow for outdoor recreation time after getting home from work.

Bruce Bleu said...

Boy, there's nothing like listening to a cackle from a woman with cankles to brighten up a Monday morning, (koff koff). I think I'd rather schedule that chain-saw vasectomy I've been putting off! Seriously, though, I'd rather hear shrillary speak than hear even ONE syllable from the "Magic Negro" lamont insane obama! I'd rather use dynamite for earplugs or magma for sunglasses rather than hear or see that poseur ever again!

rickn8or said...

@Fish: Not to mention "unethical". And when you consider that includes LBJ and Barry Sotero, that's quite an accomplishment.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Jeep Guy, that was exactly my response, sit tight, you'll find out!

Anon - cattle kill more Americans annually than sharks.

DST - obviously a commie plot. I think it was GFord who held it to mid nov, and we were walking to school at 8am, in the Dark..

Shelly said...

I saw Hillary in a Halloween spoof where she was supposed to be giving a spooky witch cackle. It was her regular laugh. Not joking.

As far as DST goes, I absolutely hate it. It doesn't accomplish what it is purportedly for which is to save energy. Statistics don't bear it out. The switch twice a year is a waste of time and energy. Either make it permanent all year round or actually go with nature's time as intended.

Pat Cummings said...

@Shelly: "Nature's time" is what farmers used before DST—and continue to use, cf. Anonymous's comment above. Anyone who has a pet cat knows you can't make your animals change their clocks!

That being said, all clock time is artificial, so there's really no reason not to settle on an orientation, and abide by it all year, whether it is "daylight" time or "standard." But we'd probably better not, because the next "energy-saving measure" may be to eliminate time zones in the US, and make everyone live in EST. Or PDT. Or—horrors!—Hawaii "Island Time"...

John the Econ said...

The world's most predicted suicide, the most predicted lack of evidence thereof, and followed up by the most predicted investigation that predictably came to the most predicted inconclusion. And that any of it ever happened will predictably disappear from history.

And until it disappears from history, the left will just treat it as a punch line.

Bernie & DST: He never knew how to hold a real job, so what does he care what time it is?

Fred Ciampi said...

China spans five time zones but uses only one. Poor folks in western China have to get up 5 hours before the sun comes up. Since I retired I'm like my cat; I sleep when I'm tired and get up when the *&^%$$%^& dogs need to go out.

Navyvet said...

Interesting observation by a medical doctor about Hilhags obvious Parkensons affliction. Scary that she thinks so little of the country and so much of herself that she still thinks she should be President. Notice how her handlers jump up at even a very brief episode and then try to become invisible.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdPdTmw014c

Colby Muenster said...

Shrillary's not one of those serial killers who has a specific M.O. She's smart enough to mix it up a bit. Like, Epstein managed to break several vertebrae by hanging himself jumping a whopping 13.5 inches down. Foster shot himself in the back of the head 6 times. And so on..... There is probably a very diversified arsenal of methods in her "cookbook." Betting there is somebody out there who died flogging themselves with cooked broccoli.

Her laugh is probably the most honest and real thing about her, bwwaa haaa haaa....!

The legislators of NC voted to keep year 'round DST, which I honestly would prefer because it's nice having daylight after work, but we are at the mercy of the feds, and they are too busy trying to "get Trump" to do anything useful. That being said, I'm sure if I asked my boss, "Can I come in early and leave early" he wouldn't care. Also, I will soon join Fred in the land of no alarm clocks (except pesky dogs), so at this point, what does it matter?

rickn8or said...

Hillary's not a direct serial killer; she "has people for that."

FlyBoy said...

Overhead conversation a few years ago when Chelsea was home from college...Hillary: “Chelsea, have you been having sex while you’ve been away?” Chelsea: “Not according to dad I haven’t!”

Sortahwitte said...

You may remember me bitchin' over the years every time the old clocks on the wall were messed with. I worked over 25 years with rotating shiftwork as my constant companion. It was like jet lag all the time. I always called it a Hawaiian vacation without Hawaii, sun, surf, sex on the beach, mai tais, margaritas, etc. My cardio guy say that's the reason for my heart troubles.
Not enough rem sleep.

Sortahwitte said...


Chelsea is not hubble's. Her dad is janet reno. Let that live in your head for awhile.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- Wow, I'll bet you're right! "I already addressed that question in a national forum." I'm pretty sure Noah must have cleared the question first, too. Unless he has a death wish.

@JustaJeepGuy- First, you discover no one else is home. Then you discover your security guards are gone. Then you notice the security cameras are out of whack. Then you commit suicide by stabbing yourself in the back 42 times.

@Jim Irre- It's a terrifying laugh. And why the hell did Epstein have a huge painted portrait of Bill reclining seductively in a blue dress? Yeah, Hillary wanted ALL that cleaned up (whether she ordered it done or not).

@Fritzchen- I just recently saw "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane," and Mrs. J and myself remarked about her creepy, bitter likeness to Hillary. And I agree that Hillary's laugh is less convincing than her dog bark.

@Regnad Kcin- I now DESPERATELY want to see a version of Oz in which Hillary plays the Wicked Witch of the West, and Donald Trump plays Dorothy and wears the "really very, very great ruby slippers."

@Fish Out of Water- Geez, I was little more than a newt back in those days, so I have no real Eisenhower/Stevenson insights!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- I think your "sacrificial lamb" theory is probably solid. And BAH, HUMBUG to Daylight Saving Time. I'm all out of sorts today, and it won't change for a few more days.

@jpb252- I so envy you. I'm originally from Indiana, and we didn't switch times either. It was heaven.

@Geoff King- Those minor complaints you mention are a good tradeoff compared to government induced flu symptoms.

@Fred Ciampi- Cannibal Husband: Geez, I hate missionaries! Cannibal Wife: Then just eat the noodles.

@Anonymous- Yikes, that DOES sound like another good reason to scuttle Daylight Saving Time.

@Mike- Well, you've got MY vote for high political office!

@Bruce Bleu- Barry showed up for Elijah Cummings' funeral, and his words were as syrupy and skin-crawling as ever.

@Shelly- Yes! It's settled science! Daylight Saving Time is a fraud! We need a Greta Thunberg of our own to go shout the truth at people!

@Pat Cummings- Yep, settle on an orientation and stick with it all year! That also goes for those with gender dysphoria.

@John the Econ- For Epstein to commit suicide without any witnesses, every single security measure had to fail simultaneously. I don't buy the suicide story for a minute - nor, apparently, does an expert medical examiner who says the broken bones in Epstein's neck just don't match the story.

@Fred Ciampi- I've got considerable latitude in my sleeping hours, too - but somehow these time changes still manage to knot my guts and make me feel spacey. Sort of like Clan MacGregor, only not as fun.

@Navyvet- I don't believe Hillary is healthy in any sense. And yes, she does seem to keep an interesting group of handlers around at all times. She probably likes to pretend the portable defibrillator following her around is actually the nuclear football.

@Colby Muenster- It DOES seem like the alleged Clinton victims have found a lot of implausible ways to become dead, so I'll grudgingly give Hillary credit for creativity.

@rickn8or- And she probably doesn't even have to say who she wants killed. A meaningful look from her cold eyes is enough to get the ball rolling.

@FlyBoy- Good one! A variation is Chelsea asking Bill "So you're sure a blowjob isn't sex?" to which he answers "Yes, I'm sure. And don't talk with your mouth full."

@Sortahwitte- A CPAP might help with more REM sleep. Or, uh, not. And if Janet Reno is Chelsea's father, then Webb Hubbell's turkey baster got in the mix somewhere!

Dan said...

Do any of the current Dems have a trail of unexplained dead people over the past 15-20 years or so?
For that matter, how many people do you know that have a number of unexplained deaths surrounding their careers?

DrDave said...

@Dan,

Here is a site with a pretty comprehensive list:

https://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2016/08/10/the-list-of-clinton-associates-whove-died-mysteriously-check-it-out/

Pat Cummings said...

@DrDave: I'm pretty sure @Dan was asking about currently-running, viable Demn candidates (as if there are any), rather than the Arkancide Duo...

@Stilton & @Fred Ciampi: When the cannibal tribe ate the Pepsi salesman, they drank Pepsi samples as they chowed on him, eating all the way up to his thing. The next day, they drank Pepsi samples as they ate down to his thing. The final meal, they didn't drink Pepsi.

Because things go better with Coke!

Fred Ciampi said...

Pat Cummings, OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!

Colby Muenster said...

A prediction about today's elections:
Any Democrat win is a bellwether of Trump's upcoming flogging in 2020. Any Republican win will barely be mentioned if mentioned at all.

Which leads me to a wish. I wish to see all the alphabet networks forced to switch to re-runs of Mister Ed due to the lack of anything to talk about.

By the way, has anybody noticed the obvious poke at conservatives in the very first episode of season two of Jack Ryan? The Venezuelan dictator is a (gasp!) right winger. God forbid they should show Venezuela's leader as the total communist dictator that he is. That show was awesome last year. This year? No, I don't think I'll watch another episode.

SportsTruth said...

We should never use the terms "liberals" or "progressives" for leftists, as there is absolutely nothing liberal or progressive about them. in an superb example of Orwellian "Doublespeak," the left coined these terms for themselves, just as the leftist media caused "Red States" to be Republican, and "Blue States" to be Democrat.

JustaJeepGuy said...

I can remember when the "news" used to use blue for Republicans and red for Demo_Rats. I think they changed those colors for the election in 2000. According to David Horowitz (read his book "Radical Son"), "progressive" was a code word for "communist" in the '60s.