Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Just Punchlines

At the 11th hour, the State of Texas informed us we didn't have to come in for jury duty after all. That being the case, we thought we should take a day off from rendering judgment about the idiots in the news.

Which is why you're getting...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, llama, earwigs, caption

See you in the comments section!


Pat Cummings said...

The scientists of the Beagle are unsure whether to call their latest astounding discovery a "Llamera" or a "Merllama"...

Mike aka Proof said...

A one "L" lama, is a priest.
A two "L" lama, that's a beast.

What? The "L"???

Anonymous said...

I thought LLama was the brand of pistol made in Spain.

AuricTech Shipyards said...

Dude, I thought you said "I'll pack a lunch," not "alpaca lunch."

Fish Out of Water said...

My llama lies over the ocean, my llama lies over the sea. My llama lies over the ocean, oh bring back my llama to me.

Jim Irre said...

Ahab's mama is a llama. That would explain his dead, black, doll eyes.

Brie Camembert said...

Llama llama ding dong!

Anonymous said...

"Well, it isn't a mermaid, but I'll take what I can get !"

pkerot said...

I love me some Stilton but today, the comments are better than the cartoon

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@pkerot: Agreed. I think AuricTech is the winner so far. :D

KanB said...

Fortunately for Larry the overcrowding on Noa's ship didn't end in a complete disaster.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

"Coulda been worse. Coulda been a tiger."

The "llama" grinned and began tugging at a hidden zipper...

Bobo said...

The world's first outboard motor - The 1 Llama-power, side-mount Methane engine.

TrickyRicky said...

After Captain Bligh took an unhealthy interest in the llama, Fletcher Christian and the bulk of the crew were repulsed and took action.

Now you know the rest of the story.

Stan da Man said...

Imma just leave this here..


John the Econ said...

Until it exclaimed "Epstein didn't kill himself!", nobody knew llamas could talk.

Pat Cummings said...

@John the Econ, that almost gives @AuricTech Shipyards a run for the win!

Old Cannonballs said...

"Tell the President of the Ukraine that unless they get rid of that prosecutor and back the [explitive deleted] off investigating Burisma Holdings, the llama is going swimming with the fishes."

Colby Muenster said...

Good ones all, but Stilton still gets the ruined keyboard award for the "no more nights in the barrel" line.

1st runner up goes to KanB.

In unrelated topics, Watched Gerald Rivers on TV last night saying that the camera footage from the prison where Epstein committed Arkancide proved that it wasn't murder. Hasn't this bozo ever seen a movie where the burglars put a photo of an empty hallway in front of the security camera? The more sophisticated burglars tap into the video system and play an endless loop of an empty hallway.

Of course, that technology doesn't actually exist I guess. It's only in the movies, right?

Drew458 said...

Mike aka Proof - you forgot the punchline!

If a one "L" lama is a priest,
and a two "L" lama is a a beast,
then what's a three "L" lama?

A big fire in Brooklyn.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Drew: I actually booed my screen. Good work.

Joseph ET said...

In the Epstein case, there were issues at the jail — including two guards who were supposed to check on him but fell asleep, as well as a malfunctioning security camera.
What if someone got the guards to perform the deed? They get a huge payday and/or the guard’s love ones start having accidents or Arkancide happens. If they talk, they go away and accidents or Arkancide happens.
Reminds me of “The Thomas Crown Affair”
Who was the head guy?

Dan said...

@Drew: My hat is off to you.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pat Cummings- I can picture Darwin aboard the Beagle studying the Merllama and saying "Well this f*cks up everything."

@Mike aka Proof- Words to llive by.

@Anonymous- I see no reason it couldn't be.

@AuricTech Shipyards- I had an "alpaca lunch" gag over at Johnny Optimism a few weeks back!

@Fish Out of Water- That's probably catchier in the original Peruvian.

@Jim Irre- Ahab has had men walk the plank for lesser accusations than that.

@Brie Camembert- They are truly joyous creatures, aren't they!

@Anonymous- Abstinence makes the hard grow fonder.

@pkerot- Granted, the cartoon didn't set a terribly high bar (grin).

@M. Mitchell Marmel- And today's winner will get an absolutely free subscription renewal to Stilton's Place!

@KanB- Shouldn't that be Llarry?

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Those hidden zippers will get you every time...

@Bobo- Now I desperately want to see video of a Llama-powered speedboat.

@TrickyRicky- I'm now hearing Charles Laughton's voice saying "Fletcher? I hardly knew her!"

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Stan da Man- I love the Llamas with hats!

@John the Econ- Well played, sir!

@Pat Cummings- Oh, it's neck and neck for sure.

@Old Cannonballs- Hey, that IS Joe Biden in the boat!

@Colby Meunster- I assumed that everyone knew that old joke, but maybe not. So for those of you wondering what the hell Colby and I are talking about...

On a three-masted ship, a young sailor was being shown around as he began his first sea voyage.
"It's all new to ye now," said the old salt conducting the tour, "but in the next few weeks it will feel like home."
"About that," the young man said, "Being at sea for so long, well, what do we do for sex?"
"No problem there, Laddie," the older man laughed. "Let me show you the magic barrel!"
The old salt guided the sailor to a large wooden barrel sitting on the deck, and pointed to a hole on the side.
"Just slip your willy in there, mate," the man winked.
The younger man did - and was surprised to enjoy the best sex he'd ever had!
"That was incredible!" he panted afterwards.
"And you're free to use it as often as you like," the grizzled old sailor said, "except Tuesdays."
The puzzled young man asked "Why not Tuesdays?"
"Well," grinned the old salt, "that's your day in the barrel."

Regarding Geraldo, I'm unimpressed by what the video footage might show. Anyone planning to kill Epstein in jail would have taken the cameras into account and had a way to fake the footage.

@Drew- I love it!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Indeed.

@Joseph ET- I really hope (but don't expect) that we'll get some answers about Epstein's suspicious death.

@Dan- As is mine!

igor said...

The Llama didn't jjump, he was ppushed!

DougM said...

Okay, Stilt, you win:
• Trouble with catch-and-release before photography is that no one ever believes you
• Throw 'im back, Floyd. Too small
• What're you usin' fer bait, Floyd?
• No ticket, no passage, darlin'
• I liked it better when we just picked up a couple'a whores in Tahiti
• Tellin' ya, Floyd. That there's a guanaco, not a llama
• Told ya, Floyd. Should sheared its fleece while we were ashore
• Screw you guys! It swallowed my iPhone, so it's comin' with us
• Nah, wait, Floyd. That there's a kangaroo y'got there
• Should'a thrown a tarp over it. Look, the cap'n has sailed off
• Damn comfort-animal craze has gotten out'a hand
• etc.

Beans said...

Floyd, I think you need a bigger boat...

Rod said...

Kend of late... just getting back to this fine place. "The first sea-trial clearly demonstrated the on-board corral needed more work before starting the long voyage home.