Remember when racism was considered shameful and its practitioners had to do so from the shadows? Apparently, that's not the case for Lori Lightfoot, the mayor of Chicago ("Home of the Weekend Body Count"), who has now declared that she'll grant no one-on-one interviews to journalists who are (and we apologize for printing an obscenity) "white."
Lightfoot is openly offended by the number of white journalists covering City Hall in Chicago, and believes that a good dose of old-time racial segregation is just the ticket to establish healthy non-diverse diversity in the press corps.
Mind you, Ms. Lightfoot (preferred pronouns: "it, that, yikes") isn't interested in assuring diversity of opinion in the local news...just diversity of pigmentation. Because as long as anyone in Chicago is still judging people based on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin, Mayor Lightfoot's racially divisive work is not finished.
MEDICAL UPDATE
We're pleased to report that Stilton's brother is recovering nicely from his recent surgical procedure. A procedure which involved blasting away the inside of his prostate using a flamethrower (well, a cauterizing green laser) which was inserted catheter-style into Mr. Happy's peephole. Then twisted.
We shudder to think about it, but hopefully the worst is over. Thank you for the many good wishes, thoughts, and prayers. And our apologies to every male reader who won't be able to uncross their legs all day after reading the description of that surgery.
41 comments:
(preferred pronouns: "it, that, yikes")
And "yowzah"!
1) Blackenstein called. He wants his bride back.
2) Having been on the business end of Foley catheters more than once, I sincerely hope your brother was under general anaesthesia. Or at least a quart of Clan MacGregor. Anyhow, pass on my wishes that he's passing normally soon...
@Mike: Perfect pronouns.
She reminds me of the Salt Vampire from the original Star Trek:
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Salt_vampire
I've seen bums sleeping in dumpsters that look and are better dressed than 'that'.
She's a walking stool sample.....
I hope your brother comes good real soon. In the meantime, have a laugh.
https://morningmail.org/not-what-it-seems/#more-131805
A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
On the other hand...
I don't know why you're being so hard on Mayor Lightfoot - I'm pretty sure she is practicing the exact sort of diversity and inclusion that the Chicago media has been calling for. As usual, the media simply doesn't believe that the rules they advise for the laity should apply to the priesthood. Fork them, I say, give them what they want, good and hard.
South end of a north-bound mule, gag a maggot, make a buzzard puke, and many more come to mind. Oh, and let's not forget, "Yo mama so ugly (how ugly is she?) . . ."
For those who subscribe the the WSJ, there is this story in today's paper.
"Lawsuit Accuses McDonald’s of Racially Discriminatory Ad Spending
Two companies owned by Byron Allen allege burger giant’s ad spending disproportionately shortchanges Black-owned media outlets"
The plaintiff, who is black, is seeking 10 billion (that's right) dollars in damages in a suit filed in the State of Assorted Nuts(natch)
Personally this sounds more like a black shakedown (like "Charm" City's suit against Big Oil) than a wrong needing righting.
Seriously, what do you expect from a weird Hobbit?
With apologies to Darby Conley, "It" looks disturbingly like Satchel, on a very bad day.
Shouldn't Warner Brothers sue Lightfoot for appropriating Michael Keaton's character in "Betelgeuse"?
👏👏👏👏👏👏
What's next in Chicago, "Jim Dove" Laws? 'Un-colored only'drinking fountains, 'Un-colored only' lunch counters, 'Un-coloreds' to the back of the bus'? Now that's why they call themselves "progressives".
Stilt, I was TURPed a few years ago, too. Condolences to your brother. I was talking about the procedure with my urologist and he mentioned that he had seen several videos taken through the 'probe' and that they were on YouTube. I half expected to see a diploma hanging on his wall from the YouTube School of Medicine.
It's not so bad, though. It usually heals just fine and fairly quickly. I was under general anesthesia. Pulling the catheters is not fun, though. And, yes, my legs are crossed just thinking about it.
The only thing worse than contemplating a TURPing is looking at itsHonor. So . . .
She(?) doesn't have to worry about getting shot, though; not even a bullet would want to go into THAT thing.😈
Emergency CDC order for full Homer Simpson air-tight face mask required.
Geoff King beat me to it, but here's the image: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094721/mediaviewer/rm3037014784/
Glad your brother's doing well, as my legs are still crossed and I cringe...
Thanks Stilt for the best laugh of the morning. It reminds me of Dave Barry's famous column on his colonoscopy. And yes, after 38 years in the medical field, I can trade medical war stories with the best of 'em.
@Paulie and Geoff: A definite resemblance there! Also some of the characters from Star Wars. I remember it from the bar scene in the first movie. Who would have thought that we would see a time when the efforts of MLK, jr would be regarded as racist? Bizzaro World is not the future - it is now.
My Urologist has been on my case for over three years now to have that procedure. At my age, I am not inclined to have anything cut off or burned off if not absolutely necessary. He tells me it's "relatively painless."
I hope you will ask your brother just how "relatively painless" the procedure and convalescence was and report to the gathered multitude.
Lori Lightfoot bringing MLK's dream just that much closer, not.
If I was an editor of a Chicago publication with white reporters, I'd acquiesce and just say, "Fine. If she doesn't want to talk with our reporters, we'll just publish speculation, rumor and innuendo about her like the Progressive media does with conservatives."
Problem solved.
I can only assume that Ms. Lightfoot has the same attitude towards her white constituents, or at least the ones without open checkbooks.
Stilton's Brother: So glad to hear that it all worked out okay. Now let's never speak of it ever again.
@Geoff King, I'm convinced the producers of that movie saw a picture of Lori Lightfoot when crafting the character. First runner up would be Sméagol of Lord of the Rings. My precious!
Stilt,
Had the TURP ream job 10+ years ago. I liken it to scraping all of the meat out of a walnut.
No pain, overnight stay, and peeing blood for about three days, somewhat unnerving, but Doc explained it would be normal part of the process.
Good news...1) No cancer, 2) sleep all night almost every night since. Now 85, believe it’s worthwhile for reasons 1&2!
Ah, the three-panel format.
It's like volleyball:
1. receive
2. set
3. spike
In this case, spiked right to her face
It happens in last couple of days I just had a good conversation over breakfast on the road with a mature sensible white couple who were returning from necessary trip to Chicago to their home in S.Texas. They said they were treated like crap nearly everywhere they went in Chicago and could hardly get any service in restaurants. Personal Lesson learned: Chicago is even more on my No-Go list as a destination; but then it WAS on it already.
What these folks also had to say from first hand or close friends' knowledge about the border situation in S. Texas: Ranchers, Cartels, Long lines of illegal entry women with young children &/or pregnant, US govt. benefits including hotel stays, cash, vouchers, and air travel to "where-ever" north across the USA was a real eye-opener to me; already a fed-up conservative. I used to think having very little private land and with territorial ranchers with all their private land; Texas was doing OK. And for a while there under Trump they were. But since January under the D.s the situation has rapidly gone to more than just a crisis. This is now a sanctioned & assisted, lawless and fully out-of-control INVASION and fight for control of territory with Drug and other traffic Cartel. And not much of anyone is doing anything about but talk if one wants to listen to them. That is still infuriating. Still not much action. Astounding to me.
Ah, Mayor Lori Lightweight! This is what Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) looks like...
Correction and an important one: I miss-typed in the memo just above. Texas in-fact has very little Federal, U. S. Government land. Most of the north side of border with Mexico, with exception of Big Bend N.P is in-fact privately owned land. That used to help but now those are high risk areas for Owners and any-all US citizens. This recent escalation is fully ridiculous; and I do not understand how it can be allowed to happen.
Hopefully your brother will be fine. I had a tough time due to my urologist's inability to know I had a blockage inside and not were he could feel it.
I have a favor to ask of you, could you send me the name of the software you use for your cartoons and colorful text? It would be much appreciated.
After having two prostate biopsies, 44 radiation treatments, and 4 lupron {hormone} shots that turn you into a "girlie man" I feel for your brother, But every day is a blessing
May your brother's recovery be swift and his surgical experience a one-off.
And yet, Lori Lightfoot is married to a tall white woman named Amy Eshleman. See https://www.yourtango.com/2019323273/who-lori-lightfoot-wife-amy-eshleman-chicago-mayor
No TURP for me. I had a TURB 16 years ago. I have an annual (but not in 2020) cystoscopy. Pretty routine for me! Painless :-)! My primary care physician says that since I get the plumbing stretched out every year I should have no problems with flow.
HAppy to hear your brother is on the mend, Stilt.
OUCH!!!
When I had my Aortic valve replaced, I was "on the slab" and out of the corner of my eye I could see the catheter they thread through the vein in my neck that goes into my heart. I swear to you it looked like it was three feet long!!
They have to inject a drug that stops the heart temporarily to do the valve repair, then they restart the heart. Additionally, they bury a (later-removed) wire that lies directly over your heart, in case of fibrillation they zap you through the wire instead of making you thrash around with the external paddles. I called it the Detonator Wire. Doc didn't think it was funny...
In addition to the wire, I had two drain tubes in my chest that I also swore were three feet long that they removed a week after the surgery. Took forever for the wounds to close. Ain't technology wunnerful? ;P
So, I feel for your brother, but there are no lasting scars for him! Lucky sod.
@Mike aka Proof- I can respect that.
@M. Mitchell Marmel- I think Blackenstein would look at the Mayor, shake his head, and just ask to have one of his hands replaced with that of a female.
@Erik- Absolutely!
@ncsercs- I agree! And let me be clear, I'm not normally going to mock someone's appearance, but SHE'S the one making this about external appearances. And when she plays that game, well, she's going to lose.
@Popular Front- My brother is doing quite well, thanks!
@Anonymous- The Mayor reminds me of one of those sucker fish who clean the algae from the inside of fish tanks.
@Jerryskids- Oh, I have no doubt that this is exactly the kind of "diversity and inclusion" that Chicagoans (Chicagonads?) approve of.
@Jim Irre- Mayor Lightfoot looks like a burnt match.
@Fish Out of Water- Last time I looked, companies were still allowed to spend their ad dollars where they were thought to do the most good. And the plaintiff's 10 billion dollar claim shows that this is just another scam.
@Cridge- Now that you've put that thought in my mind, when posed together Lightfoot's towering wife looks like Gandalf looming over a Hobbit.
@TomB- Except I like Satchel.
@Geoff King- The resemblance is more than a little startling, isn't it?
@Joe Jetson- I wonder what will happen the first time a white politician announces that he/she will only grant interviews to Caucasians?
@Boligat- I'm glad to report that the prognosis on my brother is looking good. The procedure and immediate post-op weren't fun, but neither were the problems and infections he'd been suffering that prompted the procedure.
@Edam Wensleydale- Still, a lot of people get hit by bullets in Chicago just because there's more of them in the air than cicadas.
@TooWhite- But remember, kids, plastic bags should not be used as a toy!
@Paulie- It's SHOWtime!
@Greg- Dave Barry's colonoscopy column was indeed a classic. And the older we all get, the more stories we all have. I once had a scan which required my colon to be pumped full of contrast solution, after which a balloon was inflated in my rectum to keep the juice from pouring out. While in this uncomfortable and mortifying state, several nurses came in to chat and make small talk about a TV show I'd done some work for. Wrong time, wrong place!
@Snark- For those of us who lived through the days of Dr. King and believed (and still believe) in his message, this Bizarro world is indeed nightmarish.
@Murphy(AZ)- The procedure was absolutely painless! Of course, it was done under general anesthesia. Upon waking up, I think my brother would take exception to the "relatively painless" description, but his pain has lessened daily and he says it will have been worthwhile if his condition has been remedied. And to be fair, your condition may vary somewhat from my brother's and have a gentler recovery.
@John the Econ- If Lightfoot found news stories being published solely based on unfounded speculation, she might decide that #BlackInkMatters and start talking to honkies and crackers again.
@Shelly- I'm going to have the image of Gollum Lightfoot in my head for a long time now...
@Son of Magpie- I'm glad to hear your procedure worked so well. And I'm glad to report that my brother's biopsy was also cancer-free. I really do think the procedure is a good idea for those who need it.
@DougM- I've never seen a more succinct blueprint for a three-panel cartoon. You're exactly right (of course, you're no stranger to the form yourself!)
@Rod- To my eye, too, this looks like a government-supported invasion of our country. As a Texan and an American, I'm not too freaking happy about it.
@ringgo1- I think the Mayor's mother is more likely to have been drinking toxic waste.
@Rod- Under Obama, I remember that the "solution" to the problem was for the government to post signs warning Americans not to travel into areas controlled by the cartels and smugglers because of the extreme danger. Is it just me, or is there a better way that could have been handled?
@Skip- I hope you're all recovered now! As far as the software goes, it's called ComicLife and I love it (and it has a lot of features that I never even really use). It's cheap, it works great, and comes in both Mac and Windows flavors - you can find it (and even download a free trial version) at Plasq.com - and I hope you enjoy it!
@Anonymous- Yikes, you've been through a lot! I'm glad you're still with us - and yes, every day IS a blessing.
@Overgrown Hobbit- I'm not sure he'd like the way that was phrased (grin).
@Anonymous- They make a striking couple, I'll say that.
@Paul- That makes sense!
@Emmentaler Limburger- I'm glad to be able to report it!
@Anonymous- Indeed!
@igor- Holy crud! That sounds like a scary procedure (if I needed it, I'd rather here it described afterwards rather than before) but it's a flat-out miracle that doctors can now DO all of those amazing and life-saving things!
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice...
Oddly enough, my older brother recently shared that he had been peeing blood, turns out there's a tumor in his bladder. I expect he's looking forward (ahem) to a similar procedure...
Lori Lightfoot - unholy love child of Beetlejuice and Admiral AKKKbar.
Prove me wrong.
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