Burned on the Fraud of July

Eye bleach is available in the White House gift shop

I'm usually pretty enthusiastic about Independence Day, but this year I'm just not feeling it. I look at our nation and increasingly get the feeling that we red, white, and blew it.

Are we still the greatest country on Earth? Yes, but it helps that so many of the other countries are, in the timeless words of Donald Trump, "third-world sh*tholes."

"Oh look!" you and your holiday guests might exclaim, "there's a talking turd in our punchbowl!" And I don't mean to be that guy but honesty prevents me from much else this year. The Biden Crime Family is running rampant while the FBI and DOJ, both enemies of the people, spend their time harassing Donald Trump for imaginary crimes to make sure that, once again, our votes won't count in the next presidential election. 

Many on the Left are currently melting down over the Supreme Court's opinions that racial discrimination is a bad thing and that loans, student or otherwise, are supposed to be paid back. Not that the United States itself has any ability to pay back even a fraction of the money it's borrowed. 

Our southern border has fallen; federal agents are currently cutting razor wire on private properties to make sure that illegal immigrants (and sex traffickers, drug mules, and terrorists) aren't inconvenienced on their way in.

And don't even start me on Covid. Our government paid to create it, lied about it, ripped our freedoms away with nonsensical policies to fight it, then leaned heavily on us to make sure we received "vaccines" that didn't vaccinate but, oh yeah, caused a raft of serious and potentially lethal complications in otherwise healthy people. And did I mention that over one million Americans died from the Fauci/Wuhan lab leak? In the America I thought I lived in, there would be consequences for that.

But as is so frequently the case, our Constitution offers a ray of hope for making many of these situations right again by meting out justice to those who need it with (ahem) meaningful punishments to discourage future shenanigans. And by "meaningful," I mean punishments that will make people say "yikes!" 

Fortunately, the Constitution tells us how...

The 8th Amendment forbids "cruel and unusual" punishment. But let's read that the way any good lawyer (sorry for the oxymoron) would: cruel AND unusual punishment is prohibited, not cruel OR unusual punishment. So cruel punishment is okay and unusual punishment is okay, just so long as you don't do both at the same time. 

This opens the door for many colorful and likely effective ways of putting our country back on its proper course. Woodchippers, DIY submersibles, guillotines, iron maidens, Spanish donkeys, and the classic combo of honey and anthills could all play a valuable role in our nation's revitalization. Heads stuck on pikes could make a major comeback and bring visitors back to Washington, DC. Boiling tar would certainly be a legitimate infrastructure expense, and feathers are free for the taking at the base of every Green New Deal wind turbine in America.

Again, I truly apologize for my lack of holiday cheer this time around. And I sincerely hope that you and yours will enjoy the fireworks you can see, even if they're not yet the fireworks we should see.