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| Apparently, the rule about "one bottle of water" had some wiggle room |
On Tuesday, September 10, we'll finally see the great debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris. An epic confrontation which will at last answer the question on everyone's mind: is it even possible for that whiny, nasal, cackling female hyena (with the sporadic Stepin Fetchit accent) to get out a cogent sentence that makes sense? At least when her boss was onstage, he made it damn clear that he beat Medicare.
Kamala's people are already laying the groundwork to explain her likely failure by saying that the debate rules, which were specifically demanded by Joe Biden, will disadvantage her. For instance, she'll be handicapped by the fact that Trump's microphone will be turned off while she's speaking, raising the very real danger that people will hear what she's saying. Additionally, there will be no studio audience to cheer riotously when Kamala mentions her love of Venn diagrams, yellow school buses, the difference between being strong and being a bitch, soaking collard greens in her bathtub, and her promise that someday children will be able to see the moon with their own eyes.
Still, it's likely that Harris will get an eensy-weensy iota of help from the ABC moderators when it comes to the questioning. Having previously stated that she intends to confiscate guns, pull the plug on free speech, and outlaw fracking, we'll all be leaning in to our TV sets when she's finally put on the spot and asked what her favorite color is. Trump, on the other hand, will be asked if he's given up rape during the campaign, why he wants to destroy democracy, and how long it will take him to grow a little Hitler mustache. There is also an unconfirmed rumor that while he's answering, the moderators will take shots at Trump's ear with BB guns.
And speaking of shots, let's each knock back a drink every time Kamala uses the phrase "convicted felon" on Tuesday night and see if we're still conscious by the end of the debate. Or want to be.
FROM THE 2020 VAULT: AGING RACIST TEAMS WITH SKANKY WOMAN OF COLOR!
History was made Tuesday afternoon when Joe Biden's hand, resting limply on a Ouija Board planchette, was aggressively guided to a picture of Senator Kamala Harris - thereby making her the official Democrat candidate for vice president of the United States.
Of course, when drummed out of the actual presidential nomination process, Harris said it was because Democrats (those misogynistic racist bastards) just weren't ready to vote for a "strong woman of color" - a trend which we hope to see repeated in November.
She also wasn't shy about accusing Biden himself of a long, long history of racism...
While none of the finalists on Joe's potential VP list were any good, we have to admit in complete honesty that we find Ms. Harris the most odious of the lot. Even her nomination is a sad day for our nation.
