Gray Heir

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader "Are you sure I'm not Sandra Day O'Connor?" Ginsburg thrilled Leftists this week with the announcement that, despite being older than actual dirt, she intends to remain a withered and frequently dozing member of the Supreme Court for another five years.

This presumes, of course, that the Kickstarter campaign she has created to pay for "a recirculating pump and a metric buttload of formaldehyde" will be successfully funded.

And while we may joke about Ginsburg's age, it's only fair to note that there's no reason that age alone should disqualify anyone from sitting on the Supreme Court. After all, the giant Galapagos tortoise can live over 100 years. The Greenland Shark can top 200 years. And the spiny Red Sea Urchin lives even longer. And any of these death-defying centenarian miracles of nature would be a better Justice than Ginsburg, who was making bad decisions long before the last of her neurons packed up their bags and retired to Florida.

Still, in this magical age of modern medicine, it's entirely possible that Ginsburg may be kept alive for another five years. Somehow...

"Best of all, he's your same size!"

This being the case it's entirely possible that we'll all have to suffer through another five years of Ginsburg's ideologically questionable rulings and her insistent (and highly questionable) belief that women's paychecks are less than those of men.

For the record, Stilton's Place believes strongly that both sexes should receive equal urnings...and we hope that Justice Ginsburg can take personal advantage of this egalitarian policy sooner rather than later.

Maxsterious Ways

We don't pretend to have great theological expertise, but Maxine Waters' recent declaration that she's on a "mission from God" seems to put her squarely in the same category of previous divine tools as plagues of locusts, frogs, flies, lice, and eruptions of large, painful boils which would even make Dr. Pimple Popper lose her lunch.

If we take Maxine at her word about God's purpose for her, it suggests that her entire life until now has been utterly pointless, an idea with which we can't really take issue. Seriously, what has this bitter woman actually accomplished over her long, angry life other than giving blobfish a reason to feel slightly better about their looks?

Considering the latest GDP numbers, it certainly doesn't look like God is out to get Trump. And even if He were, we don't think His known propensity for using "mysterious ways" would explain the overstuffed clown car of goofballs who have been trying (and failing) to drive the President from office.

Perhaps Maxine needs to look a bit deeper into her own soul when it comes to getting guidance from God. Because on the seventh day, even He knew when it was time to give it a rest.

BONUS: IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCK...

We couldn't resist using Maxine's smug mug to address another nail-biting national crisis...

Slogan Control

The Democrats are growing in confidence (okay, technically it's arrogance) regarding November's mid-term elections, and it's not surprising. According to allegedly unbiased news outlets, the United States has fallen under Russian control, Trump is stuffing weeping immigrant children into concentration camps, rising employment numbers are a "trick" that voters shouldn't be fooled by, and Western Civilization itself is on the verge of collapse because the President asked NATO members to start actually paying their dues.

Adding to the Democrats' cockiness about a "Blue Wave" coming to the polls is the knowledge that their party has a deep bench of exciting politicians who youthful, energetic voters naturally gravitate to. This would include swinging hipsters with fresh ideas like Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Maxine Waters, Joe Biden and more!

So really, the only missing piece of the puzzle heading into the mid-terms was for the Democrats to come up with a really great slogan which would not only encapsulate their broad vision for America's future, but also represent a strong call to action for an energized electorate.

And that slogan is...is..."For the People."

Hmmmm.

Not only is it more than a little vague, it's more than a little familiar. In fact, the phrase has been stolen outright from a famous quote by a Republican. Specifically Abraham Lincoln who, in his Gettysburg Address, referred to an ideal government "of the people, by the people, and for the people."

That's a damn good phrase as it stands, so why would the Democrats cut anything out of it? And the answer is they have to because they only believe in one third (or less) of what Honest Abe was espousing.

"Of the people" refers to legislators who are ordinary citizens from many walks of life. People bringing their different experiences together to form a miniaturized representation of the country as a whole. People who intend to return to "real life" after political service, rather than choosing to become a permanent part of a ruling class entirely divided from the peons. "Of the people" was never intended to mean lawyers, millionaires, and sleazy power brokers of the kind that populate the Democratic halls of power. So that part of Lincoln's wisdom had to go.

"By the people" refers to the fact that for a representational government to work, those sent to Washington should be chosen by their fellow citizens in honest elections. But "honest elections" are hardly what the Democrats are looking for. Between Hillary buying the DNC in order to sabotage Bernie Sanders, rampant voter fraud, an ideologically corrupt press, and billion-dollar ad campaigns spreading wild and pernicious lies, it becomes clear that the DNC can't trust a government selected "by the people" to be what they want. So another part of Abe's idiom got the axe.

Which leaves only "For the people" - the vaguest part of the triumvirate as it is entirely subjective, and doesn't so much mean that those in Washington are serving the electorate, but rather ruling them  for their own benighted good.

Put it all together, and you have a party whose politicians are not representative of the American body as a whole, and who are put into office through questionable methods that try to sidestep the annoying meddling of actual American voters. And all so that those Democrats who do become fixtures in the halls of profit and power can do whatever they believe is best "for" the common people whether it helps those people or not.

So we think the Dems have rather missed the mark with this not-so-catchy "new" slogan, and think that truth in advertising demands they instead use the alternative mentioned by Schumer in today's cartoon: same slogan, different f-word.

NOTE: STILTON'S STAYCATION

Peace, quiet, and sweet cooling mud

Assuming that there are no larger-than-usual "end of the world" events next week, we'll be taking time off from Stilton's Place for a little staycation until Monday, July 30.

There's no particular rhyme or reason behind the timing, other than we've got an overabundance of backed up chores to attend to. And what better time to tackle indoor work than late July in Texas, when the grass is smoldering and vultures are actually bursting into flames mid-air? Doing anything in air conditioning is looking pretty sweet right now.

So we'll see you a week from Monday if not before. And as always, we'll be popping into the comments section regularly!