Ladies Daze

Although it wasn't intentional, it seems that today's cartoons are all closely associated with women and women's issues. Not that we mean to assume anyone's gender...

Michelle Obama is back on the publicity circuit (not that we're sure she ever left it), and recently told oppressed billionaire Oprah Winfrey that, following Trump's inauguration, the former first lady boarded the departure helicopter and wept for 30 minutes. Which is apparently how long it takes to roll out the drink cart on Marine One.

She didn't mention if Barry also shed a few tears or, just possibly, banged his head on the floor like a spoiled toddler while screaming through the tears and snot cascading down his "angry face."

Michelle's current high profile is fueling speculation that she may be laying the groundwork for a presidential run in 2020 - a task she might find a bit easier now that another contender looks like he's going down in well-deserved flames...

In one of the quickest and most appropriate cases of Karmic smackdown we've seen recently, creepy porn lawyer (and Democratic presidential hopeful) Michael Avenatti has been accused of repeatedly punching a woman in the face, with security personnel witnessing the immediate after effects of the beatdown while Avenatti screamed at the victim in anger.

This is the same a**hole who talked aging porn performer Stormy "I'll Do Anything For $5" Daniels into suing Donald Trump (and losing), brought forth false testimony from a bimbo claiming that Brett Kavanaugh was a gang rape mastermind (which not even the Democrats believed), and now finds himself with yet another high profile political case: in a restaurant, a male board member of a feminist organization (!) berated newscaster Tucker Carlson's daughter as a "whore" and a "f*cking c*nt" when she committed the unforgivable sin of walking past his barstool. Carlson's son then threw a glass of wine in the nitwit's face and told him to get the hell out - which he did.

So serial liar and alleged woman-beater Avenatti has subsequently taken the male feminist who believes women are whores and c*nts as a client, in order to charge both Tucker Carlson and his son for assault and battery using an unexceptional bordeaux.

Oh sure, it all sounds crazy. But when it comes to truly spectacular lunacy in Washington, there's a whole new show in town...

Socialist Representative-elect Alexandria "Way Too Much Caffeine" Ocasio-Cortez is already dismayed with Washington because, during early orientation, people keep assuming that she's just a young, clueless intern instead of a young, clueless member of Congress.

We've already heard from her own frighteningly toothy mouth that Cortez foolishly believed she would be "inaugurated" into her new job, and that she would suddenly have the power to sign bills into law. So perhaps she also assumed that she would have automatically received an aura of political power and authority which the rabble would be able to recognize from afar, no doubt shielding their eyes from the magnificent glare as they hastily knelt in her presence.

But nooOOooo. It turns out she just looks like any other ambitious, over-amped jerk in a city which was already crawling with them.

We sincerely look forward to her future crushing disappointments.

The Jarlsberg Diaries: Stan the Man

Stan Lee, the man who pretty much reinvented superheroes and comic books, died recently at age 95. That's a good long run for anyone, and considering all the joy he brought into the world this doesn't seem like a time for grief so much as remembrance and celebration.

Stan Lee was a prolific writer whose work was paired with that of a spectacular array of comics artists: Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko, Wally Wood, and too many others to name. Together they created Marvel comics, which were simultaneously more fun and more serious than the "kid stuff" comics which preceded them. Stan the Man was the driving force behind cultural phenomena like Spiderman, the Avengers, Iron Man, the Fantastic Four, the Black Panther, the Incredible Hulk, and dozens (if not hundreds) more.

Unlike previous superheroes, those written by Stan Lee had greater complexity, insecurities, and identifiable problems which superpowers alone couldn't solve. Not that their superpowers weren't spectacular and satisfyingly kinetic.

As a youth who could be charitably described as a waddlesome nerd some 55 years ago, I loved the Marvel titles and collected them religiously. My idea of Heaven at the time was to buy the latest issues at the drug store (comics were priced at about 12¢ then) and scurry off to my basement bedroom, frequently with a bag of BBQ chips to enhance the number of senses being stimulated at the same time.

I thought I was just having fun, but it turns out I was also learning a lot about concise, visual storytelling. This served me well in later years when I was writing and laying out picture books, as well as scripts for television and film (stories for another day). But did those comics do more for my career than four years of college? In all likelihood, the answer is yes. And here I am, more than half a century later, still telling stories with characters who live in little boxes and speak in word balloons.

I still have a lot of those old comics, lovingly stored in individual plastic envelopes. And it's a good thing, because new Marvel comics really aren't what they used to be. Oh, the films are alright if you're in the mood for big, dumb, eye-popping CGI spectacle (and sometimes I am). But the comic books themselves have taken a hard left political turn and are now primarily vehicles for the wish fulfillment of their Social Justice Warrior writers and artists.

You have superheroes fighting Trump stand-ins, storming the battlements with (not against) Antifa types, and fighting things like income inequality and inflexible gender roles rather than city-devouring monsters, evil scientists, and planet-conquering aliens. Many of the classic superheroes created by Lee have been "updated" with minority figures in the name of diversity. And there's nothing wrong with diversity, but when Stan Lee wanted a black superhero, he damn well created one who was black rather than simply transferring the costume of an existing hero to whatever ethnic stereotype was the flavor of the month.

And I don't have a problem with Ice Man from the X-men coming out as gay, but do we really need page after page of him flirting with other guys instead of saving the world? Is Captain America a better hero for our times since Marvel declared that this super-patriot has actually been an undercover Nazi all along? And is The Mighty Thor quite as awesomely god-like now that he's been given a vagina? A process which sounds like it would leave you mighty thor, as Daffy Duck might say.

Mind you, all of this SJW stuff is absolutely killing Marvel financially on the comics shelves. Unsurprisingly, no one wants to read this crap.

Stan Lee gave us heroes instead of whiners. And in so doing, became something of a hero himself.

Stan Lee has a cameo in almost every Marvel film. 

Veterans Day 2018

Yesterday was Veterans Day, and today is the legal observance of Veterans Day. And two days is a good start, but we still need another 363 days a year to appropriately show appreciation for those who have served.

These are the men and women who have given us everything...a gift which they have all paid dearly for, with the price too often being their very lives.

Sadly, we still have a long way to go in correcting the failures of various VA programs, and the totally unacceptable problems of homeless veterans in our nation's streets and a heartbreaking plague of suicides. There should be no higher governmental priority than doing right by these men and women, whatever the cost.

But it's important to note that, despite these very real problems, Veterans Day is still primarily one of celebration. A day in which we can recognize, and give thanks for, the courage, integrity, leadership, and patriotism of those who have given military service. You are the best of us.