Wednesday, January 3, 2018

2017 - The Year in Review (Part Two)

Welcome back! In our last post, we covered January through June of last year in much the same way a cat knows instinctively what needs covering in a litter box.

Of course, political commentary is no job for a cat. It has only 9 lives, while we need to cover 12 months. The next of which is...

July -

For roughly the billionth time, Donald Trump is accused of being a bigot after issuing a policy decision (on Twitter, unsurprisingly) that transgender people shouldn't serve in the military. Why? Because transgenders generally have ongoing medical conditions and needs which can't be treated in the field, potentially putting others at risk.

Despite this entirely logical position, those on the Left scream in outrage (as is their wont) and ask for someone, anyone, to make sense of how the country has fallen into this low and hate-filled state. And guess who claims to have the answer...?

Hillary Clinton announces her upcoming book will be titled "What Happened," and will explain how she lost a fixed election. She doesn't say if the book will also say "what happened" to Seth Rich, a mysteriously murdered DNC worker who likely leaked documents about Hillary's corrupting influence during the campaign.

Pausing to make sure our doors are securely locked and our kevlar vest in place, we move ahead to...

August -

CNN "reporter" Jim Acosta proved himself to be a complete and utter dolt when attempting to challenge Trump senior policy advisor Stephen Miller on proposed changes to our immigration laws.

Acosta's argument rested on the belief that our actual immigration policy is legally based entirely on the Emma Lazarus poem, "The New Colossus," which is found at the base of the Statue of Liberty and proclaims that the really best immigrants are tired, poor, wretched, tempest-tossed, disease ridden, drug mules, potential terrorists, rapists and pedophiles. All of which leads us to guess that Lazarus was no stranger to the bottle. Nor were we, after getting...

In what basically amounted to the Stupidity Olympics, Charlottesville hosted a messy confrontation between alt-Right demonstrators, Black Lives Matter protesters, violence-prone Antifa groups carrying weapons, and an inept police force which was actually ordered to let the situation get out of control. Which it most certainly did.

One liberal protester was killed after being struck by a car, and the media immediately blamed the tragic death on Donald Trump's theoretical (albeit nonexistent) embrace of Nazis and the KKK. In general, the mess was considered a complete success by the Left because they got to beat the hell out of a bunch of white people and they could claim the moral high ground because of one death.

All in all, it was a dark day for America. But not as dark as it was going to get...

Americans basically lost their minds over the prospect of experiencing a total eclipse of the sun, during which they could stand in a moon shadow (which was a darn good song by pre-Islam Cat Stevens) and stare directly at the sun to discover the wonder of burning holes in your retinas by wearing cheap knockoff Chinese eclipse glasses.

News channels excitedly covered the event live, proclaiming it to be a "once in a lifetime" event which won't happen here again for, uh, 7 years. Which is about as much of a "once in a lifetime" event as August somehow turning into...

September -

During an interview pushing her bitter, brain-damaged memoir "What Happened," Hillary Clinton recalled details of her yoga lessons despite having erased some 33,000 "personal" emails on the subject (along with other "personal" email like details of her mother's funeral, Chelsea's wedding, family recipes, state secrets, and multiple refusals of additional security to Ambassador Stevens in Benghazi).

Part of her yoga routine consisted of highly challenging "alternate nostril breathing," which involves closing one nostril with a finger and then breathing deeply through the other. No, really. In fairness, while the technique doesn't sound impressive, "breathing" was pretty much the only real qualification Hillary had for the Presidency.

Meanwhile, professional football players were "taking the knee" during the national anthem to protest violence committed against black people by those in uniform who aren't paid millions of dollars to commit violence on television.

As fans increasingly turned away from the games, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones came up with the brilliant idea of having the entire team kneel, albeit not during the anthem. This did not play well in Dallas, where five police officers had recently been murdered while protecting the rights of anti-police protesters. NFL viewership, both live and on television, deflated faster than one of Tom Brady's footballs.

Ironically, balls would also be deflated when tragedy suddenly struck at the heart of one of America's other favorite pastimes. ..

The eternally pajama-clad creator of Playboy magazine, Hugh Hefner, kicked the bucket at age 91. He left behind millions of American men who, upon considering Hefner's life and legacy, were asking themselves, "How the hell did he get away with all that?!"

Hefner also created the Playboy calendar, which probably looked pretty good in...

October -
And maybe let them stay in one of your three homes?
Following a devastating hurricane, Donald Trump criticized the mayor of hurricane-ravaged San Juan, Puerto Rico, for falsely accusing him of sending no aid to victims, treating Puerto Ricans like animals, and encouraging genocide.

Likewise, Leftists like Bernie Sanders jumped on the bandwagon despite the checkable fact that the President was inundating Puerto Rico with aid...and the mayor in question was a Hillary-supporting whackjob.

And as long as we're on the topic of whacking...

Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, a liberal champion and deep pockets Democratic donor, was outed as a longtime serial sexual predator whose abuse of "casting couch" privileges would make Caligula puke. This unleashed a pent-up wave of rage against sexual predators, real or imagined, and caused a massive tweet storm of #MeToo messages from other potted plants in Weinstein's past.

Oddly, the mainstream media didn't report on the #MeToo messages posted by the victims of Hillary's husband. Nor did they say much about the next event in her unending series of scandals...

To the shock of pretty much no one with an IQ above that of a blobfish, we learned that Hillary Clinton's campaign and the DNC had funded much of the (ahem) "research" that resulted in the infamous "golden showers" Trump Russian dossier. The specious document was then passed on to John McCain, who passed it along to FBI Director (at the time) James Comey, who used it to kick off investigations and wiretaps of Trump's campaign for alleged collusion with Russia.

Surely this attempt to co-op and corrupt the Justice Department for her political gain was Hillary's most blatant sin during her campaign. Or so we thought until...

November -

Donna Brazile, who headed the DNC in the final days leading up to the election, released a book called "Hacks," which detailed how Hillary essentially bought the entire DNC during the primaries and thereafter made all decisions to guarantee her eventual candidacy. And all the DNC had to do in return was cash the checks from Hillary and look the other way while populist favorite Bernie Sanders was screwed into the ground. Which proved not to be a problem for them because they are, let's face it, complete whores.

Unlike the virtuous women who came forward to name the next predator guilty of #MeToo slap and tickle activities...

Feminists were horrified when an old photo emerged of Senator Al Franken pretending to grab a sleeping woman's boobs - an act pretty much equivalent to rape except for the having sex part or actually touching. 

Believing it to be to their political advantage, female Democrats in the House and Senate harshly criticized Franken for having given countless conservative meme-makers a perfect photo to play with in Photoshop.

Not that every jaw-dropping photo needs to be faked in Photoshop...

Yes, that's really Matt Lauer. No, we don't know if Al Franken ever touched him inappropriately.
"Today" show host Matt Lauer was fired from NBC for "inappropriate sexual behavior" owing to his tendency to have quicky sex with female subordinates in the bathrooms and trapping unwilling women in his office by locking the door with a so-called "rape button" wired into his desk.

Acts which no doubt put him on Santa's really, really naughty list in...

December -

Senate slimeball Al Franken finally announced that, despite being totally innocent, he would be resigning "in a few weeks" in response to multiple accusations that he failed to ask women beforehand if they'd like to use his tongue as a throat lozenge.

Not that it was the biggest thing that stuck in certain women's throats...

Just ask Al Franken.
The House and Senate passed a sweeping tax reform bill without garnering a single Democrat's vote, despite the fact that the plan offers billions of dollars in tax savings to middle class families and a generous increase in benefits to any family with children - constituencies the Democrats claim to speak for.

The Democrats were in unanimous opposition because some cuts went to those who pay the vast majority of taxes (the Evil Rich, who should more properly be hung like piƱatas and beaten with sticks until they explode in a shower of bloodstained wealth) and other cuts went to corporations to encourage them to bring money back from overseas and produce more employment. And if there's one thing Democrats really hate, it's jobs.

All in all, it was one heckuva Christmas gift to America. Not that everyone agreed...

This is the Hope n' Change cartoon we waited nine years to write.
As this crazy year sputtered to an end with the Left seemingly in ruins, a lone social justice warrior decided to raise his voice in protest against the madness which had seemingly engulfed America. He chose an act which would be seen by the entire world, and draw immediate comparisons to the brave soul who faced down a column of tanks in Tiananmen Square.

We're talking, of course, about the dolt who shot video of himself shouting at a Donald Trump robot in the Disney World "Hall of Presidents" attraction...

Our American cussin'.
Considering the Mickey Mouse nature of the previous administration, it was the perfect act of ridiculous irony with which to close out a long and surreal year.

Not that we expect anything less from 2018 - keep coming back to Stilton's Place to share (and laugh at) the ongoing adventure!


Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

Another year of insanity to look forward to, but with Stilt's help, we'll muddle through.

NaCly Dog said...

May you and your have a blessed new year. And may the clinically insane Left not only lose their levers of power but provide your with a fountain of creativity and libations.

Fish Out of Water said...

Hmm did I miss a couple of the installments?

But a word in fairness to the person killed at Charlottsville. If I recall correctly, she was not taking an active part in the protests, but was simply crossing a street on her way to lunch (?) when the muddled-mind moron decided to exercise what he interpreted at his 1st amendment rights (which conflicts with homicide laws).

IOWs, the poor woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Geoff King said...

My two favorite entertainment genres have always been scifi and comedy, so naturally 2017 was my all time favorite year to watch the MSM news.

Stan da Man said...

Haven't read Pt 2 of review yet (I have high hopes) but thought this was too funny not to post. I went to search out Stilton's friend as he mentioned in the comments from Mon, and this was the top return... Perfectly safe for work.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Brilliant, as always, good sir - but Seth Meyers is a late night TV host, I think you perhaps meant Seth Rich?
Thanks for all the laughs, looking forward to the the next year of redonkulousness.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food- Wait, I'm helping you?! I thought it was the other way around!

@NaCly Dog- Thanks! As long as I continue to mine liberal idiocy, I'll never run out of material.

@Fish Out of Water- Regarding the young woman killed in Charlottesville, who certainly did nothing to deserve her fate, the contemporaneous accounts I've read said that she was on the scene to show her support for those protesting against the "Unite the Right" group. Her death was nothing but tragic and unjust.

@Geoff King- I was tempted to close the "year in review" with the CNN reporter taking bong hits on the air. 2017 was one heckuva year.

@Stan da Man- Well that result is going to muddle Google's profile of you for awhile!

@Pete (Detroit)- Well, there goes my New Year's resolution to not make big, stupid mistakes in print! It was indeed Seth Rich who joined the choir eternal of people who've crossed the Clintons. I've now corrected my goof in the original post.

halfdar said...

Thank you for this summation of the events of questionable sanity occurring south of the 49th! I share with my American cousins, whom I hold in great regard, a certain incredulity when I observe how things have shaken out in the last year. Two things to mention:
First, I know that many Canadians support Pres.Trump in his designs. The Canadian MSM do not speak for us all, nor even a majority.
Second, in spite of what I agree should be your focus, our own PM is turning out to be exactly the train wreck that we told his supporters he would be if they elected him. It's always nice to see people get precisely what they ask for, and in this case the payoffs come one after another. I humbly submit him to you as fodder for your wit and observations!

thank you once again for the privilege of your thoughts.

Respectfully Yours,
Michael Young

Colby Muenster said...

Such a fine and accurate summary of a very strange year! Thank you again for your time and efforts spent on something that likely puts zip in your bank account.

Last year, I enjoyed the left's repeated shots aimed at Trump and Trump supporters, only to repeatedly end up hitting their own feet. Perhaps 2018 will be the year of the great moonbat awakening, and they will realize that they are only hurting themselves.... but I hope not!

The Norks reconnected their phone line to South Korea after cutting it. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the South Koreans just turned around and cut it on their side of the border?

John the Econ said...

Thanks @Stilton for the review. Progressives clearly consider 2017 the year that couldn't end soon enough. And I can't blame them for feeling that way. But as you've documented here this week, there was plenty to be pleased about. It really is amazing how much of the Obama legacy has either collapsed or has been dismantled already. Even Iran is in trouble, even though the MSM is going to ignore it.

This year, Progressives are facing their worst nightmare going forward: A healthy economy. After trillions spent on over a half-dozen "recovery summers", the Obama era struggled to barely make 2%. After a few years of that, the Keynesian apologists told us that Obamanomics was a raging success because in the new globalist order, 2% was the best anyone could hope for from here on out. And the beneficiaries of that meager 2% definitely wasn't going to be the middle class, but the welfare state and rent-seeking 1%-ers.

And then last year happened.

What I see now is an economy coming out of hibernation. Entrepreneurs who had been keeping their heads down during the "you didn't build that, so we feel morally justified to take it" Obama era are stirring. I've seen it in my business, where I consult to small and medium-sized businesses who have since last year switched from looking for ways to not-spend money to looking to update and expand. (Also why I've been here a bit less lately) I also get to see their customers doing the same. In my region, I see rail cars in that have for years been parked idle on spurs being put back into service. It's amazing how resilient capitalism can be when the statists are clamped down, or at least restricted from expanding.

I really can't blame a lot of ill-educated millennials who honestly think that socialism is the answer. Unlike us older folk, they've never experienced a growing and vibrant economy. They only know the helplessness and dependency that the Progressives have sold them for over a decade. Once they start getting real jobs with real futures and see lives beyond what minimum wage can provide, many will discover the joys of independence and self-reliance that up until recently has been denied them. They won't be as enthusiastic about having their lives run by the Progressives frauds.

So I'm optimistic that it's going to be a very happy new year!

james daily said...

My head is still spinning from knowing CNN hires drug addicts. Putting one on air to do their drug thing seems over the top. Anything for an audience.

Gee M said...

Mr Daily...smoking a bong of most likely marijuana on air does not in any way equate to hiring drug addicts.
Dr Sanjay Gupta (who works for CNN) created a 3 part documentary on (and named) "Weed" that was not only informative but was amazingly benign towards what has been demonized for generations by a dishonest Government but also a suck-up dishonest medical establishment; you need to join us here in the 21st century with all the available knowledge on demon weed and let go of the kneejerk belief the marijuana is addictive, or a gateway to heroin and methamphetamine or even the real Demon alcohol, and realize that attitude has kept literally millions from medical relief they could have had easy access to if not for this dishonest and nonfactual gang-up on cannabis.
While I do not smoke now, I was a user for many years and can attest to it NOT being an addictive substance.
I actually made my severe sleep apnea disappear using cannabis, and have been "cured"
for years.

Jack Colby said...

In the spirit of the New Year and New Beginnings, I'm going to admit to committing an act of unspeakable cynicism. Last month, in these comments, I accused Sen. Franken of waiting "a few weeks" to retire so that a groundswell of support would have time to rise and tell him to stay the course. I was wrong. Sen. Franken waited "a few weeks" so that, under the rules of the Senate pension plan, he would earn another year of service and therefore several thousands/year more from his federal pension(as reported here in the Twin Cities). Which I really can't fault him for, even if his financial disclosures indicate he's worth between $8 & $9 million. His accusers might, though ;-) My apologies(kinda) to Sen. Franken. And a Happy New Year to you, Stilt, and to all Fellowship of the Traveling Cheese members.

Sue said...

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, STILT!!! These 2 posts summed it up extremely well. Plus, made me Laugh Out Loud, which is something I don't do very often these days.