|If you like it, you can keep it.|
Plans for the great man's edifice complex were recently unveiled, much to the dismay of those with taste or a desire to see $1 billion dollars spent less idiotically.
Architecturally speaking, the main building honors the former president by being completely incomprehensible. A judgment which is especially true considering that much of the building's top will be covered by giant carved letters which, much like the word salads so often presented by the former lecturer-in-chief, don't actually seem to mean anything.
Don't believe us? Click on the image above for a closer look. Personally, the only actual word we could make out is "SMUT" repeated multiple times (check out the top line). Although in fairness, if Obama's library has a section dedicated to smut, this makes perfect sense.
And he just might, because there's one thing which won't be in the Obama Library: actual historic paper documents - theoretically the only reason for building a presidential library in the first place.
Not that there won't still be plenty of keen stuff for visitors to enjoy! A special area of the library will commemorate Barack Obama's important civil rights work (honest) which, as far as we can recall, consisted mostly of denigrating cops and watching approvingly as various American cities burned for no particular reason.
Other actual attractions will include a basketball court, about which we should probably say nothing (though we'll roll our eyes), a yoga studio ("Now bow to the Emperor...lower, lower! Great! Now let's lead from our behinds!"), and a test kitchen where people can learn about preparing nutritious meals the same way Michelle did: using wholesome ingredients plucked fresh from the garden by inner city children, then hand-delivered to a phalanx of taxpayer-funded professional chefs.
While this is all we know about the official plans, unofficially we have a lot of suggestions for things which really need to be on display. For starters, how about the Reverend Jeremiah Wright's chicken roost? And who wouldn't like to get a souvenir picture taken in the VW Van that hosted so many gatherings of Obama's Hawaiian "Choom Gang?"
A replica of radical bomb-maker Bill Ayres' living room, where Barry got his political start, would surely be popular. As would be a replica of the White House bed where the former president slept blissfully with a "Do Not Disturb" sign on his door while our embassy in Benghazi burned.
We'd like to see the styrofoam Greek columns that Obama's roadies carried from stadium to stadium across Europe during his "blame America tour." Or even one shovel that was actually soiled while working on a shovel-ready job. And how about taking a selfie while standing on one of the pallets used to deliver $400 million in ransom money to the terror-spreading mullahs of Iran?
Somewhat less likely is a display of the thousands of Hope n' Change cartoons which accurately charted the former president's two dismal terms in office. However, if we get an invitation we'll not only enthusiastically cooperate, we'll even arrange for Busty Ross to do the ribbon cutting ceremony!
But back to what passes for reality...
Construction work on the billion dollar complex will be directed mainly to minority-owned firms because #BlackBottomLinesMatter. To date no announcement has been made about the racial preference of firms which will subsequently be hired to repair the initial work.
Finally, when the complex opens, there will be a stiff admission charge (on top of a parking charge) for those who want to see the "good parts" of the library (with all funds going to the Obama Foundation). But in an unusual display of beneficence the library's board has decided that ordinary Americans can walk up to the top floor and look out the windows for free. Oh, boy!
Or at least they can if those windows are one helluva lot more transparent than Barack Hussein Obama ever was.