Friday, January 5, 2018
Push One for Armageddon
In a nutshell (which seems like a good way to start most news stories these days), the Pillsbury Doughboy's evil twin, North Korea's Kim Jung Un, tweeted that he now has a nuclear button on his desk that he could use at any time. In response, Donald Trump tweeted that he had a bigger nuclear button which he described as "horse-sized" and "throbbing."
Okay, we're not 100% sure about that last part, but we intend to look it up right after posting this.
Liberals immediately had conniption fits about the President making "size" comparisons, joking about nuclear war, and the frightening possibility that this could escalate into a war of "Yo Mama" tweets between the two heads of state.
And while we at Stilton's Place usually take a dim view of Trump's tweeting, considering the fact that he probably does have a big nuclear button on his desk, we're just as happy that he's found something else with which to keep his hands busy.
TUMMY CAN YOU HEAR ME?
The cartoon above constitutes our official announcement of the Stilton Jarlsberg Diet Plan (watch for the inspirational book!) which we may or may not reference again in the coming weeks and months.
The whole "you look just like Santa!" thing really peaked for us in the final months of this year, and not inaccurately so. Jolly? Check. Long white hair and beard? Check. Belly that shakes when we laugh like a bowlful of jelly? Checkmate.
SOooo, we're going low-carb, cutting back on the Clan MacGregor, and hitting the gym (we've already gone one day in a row already!) in hopes of dumping more weight than we feel comfortable talking about (imagine enough to build a pajama boy-sized millennial).
Tips ("Put a picture of Hillary in her bathing suit on your refrigerator door!"), hints, and encouragement will all be welcomed, as will any suggestions about how to make this fun and maybe even add some element of public accountability. Hey, if we've been demanding it from politicians, we should at least consider it for ourselves!
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM