|In further budget cut news, Trump has already whittled Obama's 57 states down to just 50.
Okay, we don't really expect President Trump to deliver a State of the Union address anything like this...but we couldn't help treating ourselves to a moment or two of pleasant fantasy.
And no matter what he says, it's safe to assume that both the Democrats and mainstream media will react as if Trump had proposed a publicly funded 24-hour kitten-skinning cable channel.
To show how serious they are about their opposition to Trump, the Democrats will be running a rebuttal speech in which the latest Kennedy spawn will criticize giving political control to wealthy families. Maxine Waters will also be delivering a rebuttal in which she criticizes political power being in the hands of the mentally unstable. In other words, Democrats have no understanding whatsoever of "irony."
Weepy former comedian Jimmy "Obamacare Saved My Baby" Kimmel will be doing a review of the speech on his show, capably aided by porn star (and possible Trump paramour) Stormy Daniels who presumably has some things she wants to get off her surgically inflated chest.
All in all, we're expecting a very entertaining night of television.
BONUS: EYE DO
Yesterday marked the 35th anniversary or so of the Jarlsbergs entering into matrimonial bliss. The happy occasion was unmarred by the fact that Mrs. J has decided to start seeing other people.
Oh, not romantically. We mean she wants to literally see people - which is why she's going under the knife today for cataract surgery. Afterwards, she'll be wearing an eye patch for awhile and no doubt experiencing some minor discomfort from all the pirate jokes she'll be subjected to.
Which reminds us of the following old chestnut...
The new cabin boy on a pirate ship stared in awe at the Captain of the vessel - a formidable looking rascal with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a skull and crossbones eyepatch.
"How did you lose your leg, sir?" the boy asked.
"Cannonball blew it off," growled the pirate Captain.
"And how did you lose your hand?"
"Sword fight," was the snarled reply.
"And please, sir - how did you lose your eye?" asked the boy.
"I looked up one day and got seagull poop in it," the Captain answered.
Puzzled, the boy said, "That shouldn't make you lose an eye."
"Well," sighed the Pirate, "it was me first day with the hook."