Friday, March 2, 2018

Filmy Residue

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, oscars, oscar the grouch, oscar wilde, dam, rhett butler
Please tell us you recognize Oscar Wilde...
Sunday sees the annual return of the biggest alleged event in entertainment: the Oscars, wherein the creme de la creme of Hollywood glitterati will be honored for their latest and greatest achievements in hastening the decline of Western civilization.

Along with the awarding of golden statuettes which probably won't be used as sex toys, viewers can look forward to being scolded about the sin of seeing women as sexual objects by women whose actual sexual objects are bursting out of their designer gowns.

There will also likely be more than a few stern words spoken (accompanied by tears after plucking out a nostril hair offscreen) condemning guns by thespians who make millions by pretending to shoot dozens of blood-geysering people onscreen, then retreat to their mansions surrounded by heavily armed guards.

Politics aside, we suppose there might be some recognition of actual artistic merit, but we don't actually care because we haven't seen any of the nominated pictures. Why? Because the whole experience of visiting movie theaters sucks these days.

The prices are insane, there are always going to be 2 or 3 trailers which attack conservative values, and audiences have no concept of how to put their smartphones away and - oh yeah! - shut the hell up while the movie is playing.

Seriously, people who annoy us in movie theaters bring out homicidal tendencies which we're usually pretty good at suppressing. Which is why we weren't entirely without sympathy when reading the recent story of a woman, Shameeka Latrice Lynch, who attended a showing of "Black Panther" and got into an argument with another patron about who had the right to an assigned seat.  When rhetoric failed to resolve the issue, Shameeka hauled a pistol out of her purse and fired a round into the theater's ceiling.

But here's what bothers us: in all of the news stories about this regrettable incident, no one has reported whether or not it was actually her damn seat. Frankly, if some dirtbag was squatting in her reserved seat and refused to move, we think she's got a case.

In any event, this is why we wait for films to reach streaming outlets where we can enjoy them in the peace and quiet of our own homes, except when gunplay erupts over who'll get the best seat. And very rarely, we've even been known to venture out to the local Dollar Cinema (we're a lot more receptive to most movies when we're not out $30 before the show even starts) for the earliest showing on a weekday. Not only are the theaters mostly empty, but the few attendees tend to be retired folks who have the courtesy to either stay silent or simply fall asleep while gumming their popcorn.

So good luck to Hollywood, and may they enjoy their big night and the drug-fueled, sex-crazed parties afterwards. Most of which would probably make for more entertaining viewing than the dreck which actually hits the silver screens.

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, oscars, oscar the grouch, oscar wilde, dam, rhett butler
The Rhett Butler Memorial Dam.


Geoff King said...

The last time I watched a movie in a theatre was in 2001 when "The Lord of the Rings" premiered. This was at the insistance of my girlfriend, or I would have been quite content skipping the experience and making the total number of times I have ventured into one of those annoying places under a half-dozen in my entore life.
In addition to Stilton's list of reasons not to waste the time and money on a movie theatre, I will add that they will not let me smoke and the seats were not designed for someone who is 6 foot 4 inches tall.
Withdrawal symptoms and leg cramps are not my idea of a good time.
Damn, I miss drive-ins!

Regnad Kcin said...

Once again, it's time for the annual meeting of the Nat'l Mutual Admiration Society. I do miss Joan Rivers gutting the bitches like the sequined carp they are. It's just not the same without her. If I was the director, I'd run the awards program like the Gong Show. They would have 30 seconds for their gratuitous sniveling and posturing. If they're still ranting, then the trapdoor opens on stage or a 16 ton weight falls on the bloviating perps. Special bonus points would be awarded for especially stomach-wrenching groveling for their latest political stances and/or charity tax dodges. All the seats should be wired with 220volt 3-phase tinglers to be activated at the director's discretion when things get too boring. Lastly, have a group of Sisters of Perpetual Agony stand at the doors with steel edged rulers to whack the attendees' knuckles for being a bunch of overpaid pud-pullers.

Jim Irre said...

Who decided to name the statue Oscar? An Oscar is a fish. The statues should look like a fish, lying on their side with their guts spilling out. It would be more appropriate for the gut-spilling morons who get them.

Anonymous said...

Spot on Stilton!

Colby Mozzarella

Judi King said...

Great post! I haven't watched the Oscars in years. First, there has been only a few movies even worth watching, in the last 50 years, and second, I'm not interested in the opinions of people with a mostly passing IQ rant when they are called on stage. Now, I usually only watch old movies from the late 30's, 40's, 50's and early 60's. Those movies actually had a plot and dialogue and didn't need to fill in the hours with violence, sex and special effects.

Sarah Rolph said...

The movie theatres around here are now trying to lure people in with *alcohol.*

Could work...

TrickyRicky said...

I agree with all of the negative views of Hollywood expressed herein, which is very sad for me since I grew up loving movies. We now mostly watch the good stuff on TCM and rarely venture out to the theater unless a TCM sponsored classic is playing. We've really enjoyed seen Casablanca, The Graduate, Maltese Falcon, and more on the big screen. The last contemporary film we saw in the theater was probably Grand Torino.

The horrible lack of consideration and manners rampant in the world today is also a disincentive to see live music. We live a very short drive from Red Rocks Amphitheater, one of the premier concert venues in the world. Several years back we attended a show with Guy Clark opening up for Lyle Lovett and his large band. Guy's set was two acoustic guitars and vocals. They were totally drowned out by our neighboring concertgoers' loud jokes, conversations about jobs, kids, and assorted other bullshit. It was an infuriating and blood pressure elevating experience. We will probably not attend a live music show again. Damn shame. Now, get off my lawn!!!

Fred Ciampi said...

The dam picture looks an awfully lot like the Bluestone Dam in Hinton West (by God) Virginia. Used to live above it in Jumping Branch, WV (yes, really). Now we live a few miles up river (The New River) in VA.

The only movies we watch now were made before 1976 or so. The oscars are nothing more than self aggrandizing because of a lack of self confidence. I think other professions should do the same thing. Whenever a person, say, a welder is working they should stop once in a while and yell "hey everybody, look at me, I'm working and doing a wonderful job too".

If someone is good enough at their chosen profession they wouldn't have to draw attention to themselves. The quality of their work would do it for them.

Gumby-damn-it! said...

Totally concur with Stilton regarding the "ease" with which we are able to attend and enjoy today's cinema "masterpieces". Ticket plus a snack (healthy of course) runs at least $20.00 per patron. The seats are filthy (as is the entire venue), and consequently reeks.

The folks here in Clovis, NM are generally better behaved than some, but heaven forbid I should go to Lubbock or Amarillo for a showing...NOT!

Really makes me want to consume my healthy snack!

...and Stilt...a dreck is the opposite of a drit? Just asking.

My one witticism for the day.

Rod said...

I'm old enough to remember when Academy Awards were a good show and sometimes a helpful lead to see good films we missed. I've changed some; film industry has changed a lot more.

We have a very convenient "retro" theater nearby which is billed as an arts theater but it also shows a few selected pop films. Low prices, no crowds or rudeness, and we go see an occasional film. Even with this theater's selective screening there are many biased, over-hyped & disappointing films so we don't go regularly; and I can't remember the last pleasant surprise. But with the right film, the big screen with large sound is still a nice date.

I have a 3-ring binder around here somewhere with archive sleeves where we stash tickets stubs from good events: museums & their traveling displays, galleries, good films, live National Geographic speaker series, aquariums, national parks. But dammit right now can't even find that. This weekend will be the Russian String Orchestra at local junior college.

Navyvet said...

I havent been to a movie theater in many years. The cost has become utterly ridiculous (as have professional sports) plus based on the promotion ads I have seen on TV commercials, the movies are total Schiff. What is with all the animation monster crap?

KingTooter said...

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
A Mr. Wilde quote -- one of my favorites

Unknown said...

To quote the only real Oscar, Oscar The Grouch, when it comes to the Oscars this Sunday: "scram, don't bother me".

Pete (Detroit) said...

Agreed fully w/ Stilt on the true value of the $$ show - when I pay $8 for a $4 movie, I feel so ripped off. If I only pay a buck or two, however, what a deal!
Of course, there hasn't been anything I'm even willing to pay $1 for at the show, lately.
Fortunately, local library has an excellent collection, and adds to it frequently, so finding stuff to watch is purely not an issue...

John said...

The golden age of movies were the 30s and 40s when your imagination was required to fill in the blanks and dialog didn't consist of the F bomb in each paragraph of the script.

And for us, the best seat in the house is in front of our 55" Sony.

txGreg said...

Funny, I never noticed how much Oscar Wilde resembled Severus Snape until I realized I was mentally reading his lines above in Snape's on-screen voice.

Stan da Man said...

Thanks for the tip on OWilde, I would not have known (and was wondering)
Last time I watched the Oscars, I think Woopie the cushion was hosting, and wearing hobbit feet, by all accounts a significant improvement. I think that was the year a black woman won best actress (First Time?) for letting Billy Bob Thornton boink her on camera. Monster's Ball indeed!

Personally, I like the idea of alcohol at the theater, though it increases teh chance of missing some of the movie as you get up 'to pay the rent'... Also, it typically comes at the theaters w/ goofy recliner seating that I'm not a fan of...

Still, it can make for a pleasant evening out w/ the odd "married girlfriend" (any woman who drags me to a movie b/c I'm easier than her hubby)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- Wow, you really haven't been in theaters much! Not that you're missing anything as far as I can tell. And I miss drive-in theaters. Certainly not the optimum way to view movies, but I've got good memories from my increasingly distant youth.

@Regnad Kcin- I liked Joan Rivers' willingness to go for the jugular. And I like your other ideas for improving the event. By the way, when you refer to seat "tinglers," is that a reference to William Castle's electric shock seats for his movie "The Tingler?"

@Jim Irre- According to my friend Google, the statue got it's name because "Academy librarian and eventual executive director Margaret Herrick thought the statue resembled her Uncle Oscar." Presumably, he was a smooth, naked man with good posture.

@Colby Mozzarella- Thank you!

@Judi King- I couldn't agree more about older movies. They were perfectly able to represent passion, violence, romance, or lust through scripting and acting rather than explosions and nudity. As I've mentioned here before, Casablanca is a great romance even though we don't see a naked Humphrey Bogart humping Ingrid Bergman. Also, when the older "studio system" was in place, a lot of small movies got made which simply depended on story and direction. These days, every major studio release needs to be a blockbuster - so they throw in all the eye candy imaginable, usually to the detriment of the story. It also doesn't help the actors to be filming on green screens instead of having actual environments to interact with.

@Sarah Rolph- I've attended a theater or two that served wine, but it's usually bad wine that is obscenely overpriced. Just another reason to honk me off. On the other hand, if my dollar theaters starts offering dollar wine it could be a game changer.

@TrickyRicky- Oh, I'm all about TCM. I have a TIVO and I stack old movies like a greedy miser. I often laugh (in that unsettling way I have) at the notion of super-duper high-rez billion-color 4K 3D television sets when so much of what I like to watch is black & white, low-rez, and frequently in a nearly square format. When the story is there, you don't miss the other stuff. That being said, I know a number of people who wouldn't consider watching a black and white movie. Pearls before swine, says I.

And sorry about your concert experience. That's exactly the kind of crap I can't put up with in these, my crotchety years.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi- Hey, that could be the actual dam. I just shoplifted the image and didn't hang around reading labels (grin). And I agree with your assessment of the Oscars and their "me, me, me!" cry for love and respect. At one time, Oscars were actually a useful indicator of whether or not a film was worth seeing. Now, it's an indicator of what Hollywood liberals think the riff-raff should be watching. Screw 'em.

@Gumby-damn-it- With the ridiculous prices, I'm already in a terrible mood long before the actual feature starts (it doesn't help that I routinely enter the theater a full half-hour before the actual film showing because of my entirely correct belief that there's only one acceptable seat in any theater: dead center and 2/5 of the way back from the screen. That being said, the dollar theater I attend frequently (and painfully) has an aisle in the middle of the seats- meaning NO seat will be perfect. That's where the one dollar entry soothes me. A little.

@Rod- Glad that you can still enjoy the occasional movie outing. And I laugh when you mention the sound- that's one of the key elements for me, and I raised hell with more than one theater manager about the crappy quality of the sound (and particularly no bass) before I found out I needed hearing aids. Oops!

And I also laugh about a story related to your 3-ring binder. I once wrote a show which was performed live at Radio City Music Hall (a story for another day, if ever) and wanted to keep my ticket as a souvenir. So I had it laminated - not realizing that the print was thermal based. When it popped out of the laminator, the ticket was coal black from end to end. Oh well, fame is fleeting...

Blick said...

The Best Pretender Awards handed out by other lesser pretenders. All of them pretending to occupy high moral ground, high intellectual and cultural ground. Their only asset (other than being sex objects) is playing Make-Believe on pretend sets reading pretend scripts. I won't even pretend to care.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

@ Stan da Man: the last time I attended a movie in an actual theatre, "La Cage aux Folles" was playing. Re the alcohol, my dental hygienist and her husband had invited my wife and me to the movie, but she didn't explain what was in the paper bag she had sneaked into the theatre (front seats, of course). I subsequently found out, when during a quiet scene, I heard a loud "pop," as she uncorked the paper bag-encased bottle of good Sonoma County (CA) red. The audience roared, and I slunk down in my seat, cracking up with the rest of the crowd of locals.

Re the Oscars, I haven't viewed them for years. I would rather walk over a gauntlet of crushed coke bottles than have to endure what has become nothing other than more liberal propaganda masked as a glorification of the Hollywood Elite.

March 2, 2018 at 9:11 AM Delete

Fritzchen said...

OSCARS: The unspeakable in pursuit of the irrelevant.

james daily said...

Guess I will sneak in here with my Bah!! Humbug!! on Oscars. My favorite recipients are those that turned them down (George C. Scott, Marlon Brando comes to mind). Although I have both Amazon Prime and Netflix, I enjoy the TV series as some are really good, even though I do not speak Chinese, Korean or in some cases, English. Doesn't matter as my hearing requires me to CC tv anyways. (for Jim Irre: In 1929, the first awards for best performances in films were made. These awards were shaped like a man, and a secretary at the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, on seeing one for the first time, remarked that it looked just like her uncle Oscar. The name stuck, and the awards have been called Oscars ever since. (Heck, I though it was Mr. Clean)
Stilt: Isn't it amazing that in that crowded theater there was not ONE eyewitness? That is LMAO funny.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Navyvet- Because of the cost of going to a regular theater, I pretty much have a hair trigger waiting for a gratuitous anti-conservative line of dialogue in a film. And once that bomb goes off, I'm pretty much going to hate the rest of the movie. Regarding CGI monsters, they get really, really old - and I'm a guy who loves monster movies. But there's so much overkill now that it's hard to give a darn.

@KingTooter- Wilde had many outstanding quotes, but that one is indeed among the best.

@Unknown- I think it's appropriate that Oscar is in a garbage can, too.

@Pete (Detroit)- I avail myself of the local library too, and really only venture out to the dollar cinema when it's a movie that pretty much requires a big theatrical screen. I've been toying with seeing the well-reviewed "Thor: Ragnarok" for that very reason. Yes, it's a goofy, CGI-packed comic book movie...but hey, for a buck I might enjoy it. For 3 bucks, I can even see it in 3D.

@John Canfield- I love, love, love movies from the 30's and 40's. If feminists want to see some strong women in films, they should look back on Myrna Loy, Rosalind Russel, Irene Dunne, Kate Hepburn and a host of others.

@txGreg- I'M reading the lines in his voice! Alan Rickman was born to derisively purr "how droll."

@Stan da Man- I knew not everyone would recognize Wilde, without whom the cartoon would be baffling indeed.

And GEEZ, don't even start me on "Monster's Ball," a genuinely horrible film that the Lefties loved. Billy Bob Thornton plays the worst kind of stereotypical n-word flinging bigot, but begins to reconsider his feelings about black people when Halle Effing Berry strips naked, starts writhing on his couch, and begs him to screw her. How the hell this amounts to an "awakening" for any part of Billy Bob other than his Anthony Weiner escapes me. The movie then goes on to show Halle Berry as fairly simple-minded and completely unable to care for herself or her child, but there's a happy resolution when the noble white man takes care of her for the high-minded reason that he can continue boning her. It's the worst kind of liberal wet dream and an insult to blacks everywhere.

@Jan Blickenstaff- I couldn't agree more. And it's rather hilarious to see actors believing themselves to be great and wise because they speak words written by someone else, directed by someone else, carefully edited by someone else, and set to emotional music by someone else before being projected 30 feet high. Mind you, I have huge respect for really good actors - but only for their acting until proved otherwise.

@Alfonso Bedoya- I have to admit that one of the joys of watching movies at home is that I don't have to try to conceal a jug of Clan MacGregor in my pants.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fritz Brohn- Oscar Wilde wishes he'd said that.

@James Daily- Mrs. J and I are currently enjoying (a lot!) the Brit series "Broadchurch" on Netflix. We watch it with closed captioning on in order to decipher the accents (I wear hearing aids, but can usually do okay without the CC on most shows).

And yes, it is funny that there were no eyewitnesses. There is a code about such things, you know.

Igor said...

IMHO, a very "coherent" comment on the part of the Oscars:

Where Art imitates Life... or, more likely, Art Points Out Absurdity of the Libtards.

Gee M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gee M said...

I am not alone...good to know.
Can't remember the last time I went to a sticky-floor, overpriced exercise in rudeness (a movie theater) with gaggles of self-loving assclowns hootin and hollerin; however, I am an addict of cinema and watch constantly (currently only on my laptop screen).
Thank God some actors are still alive and working with talent, some scripts are still thought provoking and deeper than a shallow birdbath; some movies are indeed just for fun and I appreciate the good time.
I went over a list of the recent ones I watched and found about a quarter of the good ones were (much) older than most actors today...The Searchers, Devil's Disciple, Breakheart Pass, Blazing Saddles, Little Big Man, Along The Great Divide... but several recent films got my good time rating, watchable again.

Breakheart Pass .....SULLY ........THE ACCOUNTANT
Dark Horse 2011 .....Searching for Sugar Man
DESPICABLE ME 3 .........Once were Warriors
Devils Disciple..........HACKSAW RIDGE

GAME OF THRONES season 1-7, is of course not a movie, but wow...hundreds of millions of addicts such as myself can't be completely misguided. Seven years of awesome storyline...

As for the craftsmen who make these, they need to get the money and I make no excuses for the Oscars...they give me a pain similar to eating over-rich cake frosting with a raging toothache simultaneously. A necessary evil for the studios to hype their product, but I don't imbibe that part of the hive feeding frenzy...
I hope to enjoy more Stan Lee cameos but in quality marvel masterpieces...some have gotten close. But using Gone With The Wind as a watermark precious few flicks come into that neighborhood...I love stories like The Man Who Would Be King, and the future has it's possibilities.

(Yes, I am aware the Great Wall of China was NOT built to keep out alien monsters, but forgiving that silliness The Wall was a fun time movie.)

Bill from Wood-Ridge said...

Dear Stiltonian and Friends,

Saw two movies this year, Dunkirk and Darkest Hour. Both worth a watch and both on the same subject matter. An early poster alluded to this but I'll spell it out. Another "joy" of going to the movies are the fat slob families who enjoy a "meal" of nachos, pizza, Skittles, jumbo popcorn and gallon sodas. Please stop at McDonald's first so I don't have to be repulsed by you shoving "food" into your gobs.

Thank God for TMC.

Emmentaler "Bass Ackwards" Limburger said...

Pheh! Last time I actually paid to see a movie was Toy Story or James And The Giant Peach or some such. Nowadays, I'm content to wait for the book...

Rod said...

While we're making lists; my wife remembered enough to look it up: The most recent surprisingly good film we saw was "The Eagle Huntress". Actually a true story with real-life participants in the two major roles but it was shot more like a movie than a documentary. 2016. Nice story from Mongolia about culture, a young girl & her father, tradition and new ways. The cinematography was also wonderful.

Colby Muenster said...

Not to brag, but I detested watching awards shows (especially the Oscars), even back when I was an ignorant liberal. And back then, it was probably still about excellence in film making. Every year, I hear on the radio or TV about the so called winners, and very seldom are they films I'd pay money to see, or even watch on TV for free.

That being said, I still like to go to a theater to see high dollar, high CGI, sci-fi stuff like Star Wars, just to experience the big screen and big sound. You will never catch me there for the tripe Hollywood thinks is artsy and award worthy.

@Tricky Ricky,
I'm originally a Wyoming boy. I saw Cream and Hendrix at Red Rocks back in the day. I don't recall having any trouble hearing them. Then again, I don't recall much else either!

John the Econ said...

I simply abhor self-indulgent awards shows. Seriously, is there any industry or cohort that congratulates itself as much as Hollywood? Even the denizens of Washington DC aren't this full of themselves.

I am a bit more tempted than usual to watch this one, simply to see what the first post-Weinstein Academy Awards show might be like, where Hollywood's best-and-brightest will stop raping each other just long enough to virtue signal to the rest of us on just how awful we treat women. Alas, I'll probably still leave it to others to waste the 4-plus hours of their limited time on this planet to find out. I'm pretty sure I won't miss much, and YouTube will be there for any interesting parts I did miss.

I think my first awareness of the silliness of Hollywood and their virtue signalling award shows was when I was a kid at some point in the '70s, when I recall seeing on TV a seemingly endless parade of Cadillac stretch limos arriving to drop of their cargo of celebrities from their mansions in the supposedly ecologically sensitive Malibu hills. As the doors were dutifully opened by read-coated attendants, a celebrity would emerge and then give a speech about how the rest of us need to sacrifice our standard of living in order to save the planet. After posing for photos, the celebrity would enter the theater and the cycle would repeat with the next limo and celebrity and speech.

My take-away from that was you'd think that if the state of the planet was so dire, they could have at least limo-pooled. You all live in the same neighborhoods! I never took celebrities seriously ever again. (as if I had ever done so in the first place)

Of course their list of causes has grown over the years, but the hypocrisy remains the same:

o People who absolutely and without reservation worshiped Roman Polanski (after they knew about his drugging and raping a 14-year-old) and Harvey Weinstein will bemoan what a pig Trump is, and about the scourge of sexual harassment, sexual inequality, the sexual objectification of women, etc. (As @Stilton mentioned above, most of us won't hear a word of it because we'll be distracted by the roughly half of them that will be doing so with their sexual objects poking out of their definitely-not-malfunctioning wardrobes)

o People who live in exclusive gated and guarded communities and walled-off mansions and who send their children to exclusive gated, guarded and walled-off schools will lecture us on how enforcing our border and building a wall is wrong, and how important importing more "dreamers" and Muslim refugees is to America.

o People who make movies that feature gratuitous gun violence who are constantly surrounded by their own well-armed security personnel will lecture us as to why it's imperative that we should willingly surrender our guns.

o People who make 7, 8, or more figures for just a few months or even weeks of work will lecture us about "income inequality", when the vast majority of people immediately surrounding them in their own industry barely make poverty level wages, much less the national average.

o And of course people who are literally America's icons of conspicuous consumption will still be lecturing us about how we need to sacrifice our standard of living to save the planet from crisis that almost exclusively exists only in the movies they make and profit from.

(Did I miss anything? Some of the classics have aged out or inverted. Plight of the family farm? Starving kids in Africa? Certainly won't be the inverse-apartheid now taking place in South Africa)

John the Econ said...

As for actually going to the movies: Like the Jarlsberg family, the Econ family finds itself going to very few actual theaters anymore, and when we do it's a mid-week matinee. After tickets, popcorn and a couple of sodas we've already dropped the better part of $50. That's a lot to pay to be uncomfortable, distracted, or lectured at by ignorant spoiled-brat Progressives constantly attacking my values.

I can't say I'd pull a gun at finding another recalcitrant theater patron occupying my seat, but I would definitely summon management to resolve it to my satisfaction. After all, I went to the trouble of reserving that seat and then spent the better part of $50 for the experience. If not resolved to my satisfaction, I'd expect the better part of my $50 back, with free passes for the future. (BTW, I feel the same way about people I find sitting in my airline seat that I reserved well in advance who try to make me feel like the bad guy for making them move. Ayn Rand called this the Sanction of the Victim. Progressivism is built upon it, and I don't fall for it)

John the Econ said...

@Regnad Kcin, I think I'm about to start a petition to get you hired to direct the next Academy Awards show. That is one I'd definitely watch.

Oh, and in case you are an aspiring filmmaker who wishes to quickly rise to the top, this is the kind of movie you need to make: Oscar Bait.

Regnad Kcin said...

Stilt------- Good pick up on my Wm. Castle reference. I've been a huge fan of bad cinema for years. Used to go to a now-defunct video rental store owned by a couple of unique characters who kept a "special section" off to the side of the main aisle. There they had a treasure trove of W. Castle, John Waters, Herschell Gordon Lewis, Bert I. Gordon, Ed Wood, and oh so many others. It was cult movie heaven. I was there one day when a couple of frat boys from DU were looking for a "unique film" for their annual "Pig Night" at the house. I recommended John Waters "Desperate Living" for their viewing pleasure. They thanked me profusely after they snatched up a couple of softcores to go with it. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall that night. BTW, you should pick up a copy of Michael Weldon's "The Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film", the bible of all that's weird and wonderful in the world of exploitation, horror, cheap nudies, monsters, etc. Two big thumbs up !! It's been my reference for the last couple of decades. Lots of fun to see how all the famous "stars" got their foot in the door by doing cheapo schlock films to pay the rent. John Waters wrote a couple of books about how he got his start by doing homemade films of questionable taste and the culinary benefits of canine feces. "Shock Treatment" and "Crackpot" should be on every film fans' reading list. A lot of overpaid studio bosses owe most of their fame and fortune to these pioneers of cinematic classics. Mystery Science Theater 3000 is being rerun on the Comet TV channel here in Denver along with Svengoolie on Saturday nights. There may be hope yet for us all.........

CenTexTim said...

And the Oscar for the most prolific sexual harasser goes to...

JustaJeepGuy said...

I just finished reading a book called "Hollywood Traitors: blacklisted screenwriters: agents of Stalin, allies of Hitler", by Allan H. Ryskind. I don't think much of movies from the '30s and '40s and '50s any more. Too many unrepentant commies worked their evil into movies from those days for my taste. Yes, even "Casablanca". "Rick" is supposed to have pointed out that he fought with the "Loyalists" (supported by Stalin) in the Spanish Civil War. The only good commies I ever saw were dead--and I haven't seen enough of 'em. I hope Dalton Trumbo is burning in hell.

DougM said...

Yayyy!, an Oscar Levant joke!
(What? Oh… Who's he?)

REM1875 said...

They are still making Movies ??? Who Knew ???
I am waiting till they start filming in color before I start watching again......

Boligat said...

My wife and I watched "Twelve O'Clock High" this afternoon. I never tire of it. No bad words, no nudity, no sex. Maybe some 'racy' pics on the noses of the B-17s. To think that so many of these guys were in their early 20s and younger in the war. Black and white was no problem at all. Sure some of the actual camera footage was repeated, but we didn't care. No CGI. Gregory Peck, Hugh Marlowe, Dean Jagger, Gary Merrill...

Doesn't get any better.

Oh, by the way... we win.

Valvenator said...

"Boligat said...
Doesn't get any better.
Oh, by the way... we win."

You forgot to say "SPOILER ALERT"

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Igor- The public sculpture is a good reminder of Hollywood's shame: they all knew.

@Gee M- Like you, I'm not against movies...I'm against loutish audiences. I appreciate your list of movies, both to remind me of what I should see and what I should watch again. And maybe I do need to start watching Game of Thrones.

@Bill from Wood-Ridge- I don't go overboard on the snacks at the theater, but I did once get in trouble with Mrs. J for munching popcorn "like a horse" during a very solemn scene in Saving Private Ryan. Oops.

@Emmentaler "Bass Ackwards" Limburger- Hey, at least the movies you paid for were pretty good ones!

@Rod- I never heard of "The Eagle Huntress," but will check it out. Thanks!

@Colby Muenster- I, too, enjoy big dumb fun movies. I was raised on childhood Saturday Matinees and Godzilla. And frequently, the Academy's picks for awards are just baffling. A couple of years ago, the Best Picture (ha!) was Birdman starring Michael Keaton. Mind you, HE was good in it, and from a technological standpoint it was pretty amazing (the whole film was structured to look like a single take), but it just wasn't particularly entertaining or thought-provoking. Bah.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- Excellent points throughout, and your reference to the limousines brought back a (somewhat) humorous memory. I was in a small party riding in a limousine to the Emmy awards (yes, I was nominated for something but that's a story for another day). We were having a jolly time until we realized that the interior of the limo was starting to smell of raw gasoline. The driver pulled to the side of the highway to look, then leaned into the door to say "you'd better all get out of there."

Gasoline was streaming out from under the limo and we'd been one spark away from going up in a blaze of glory. Still needing to get to the Emmy award ceremony, we tried to signal other drivers for help (this anecdote predates smartphones or ubiquitous cellphones) and learned something interesting: if you're dressed to the nines and standing beside a broken down limo, virtually everyone passing will laugh, give you the finger, or both.

Addendum: I didn't win anything and was never nominated again. But the moral is to never judge another person until you've ridden a mile in their limo.

Regarding reserved seats in theaters (which is apparently now a thing), I'm SO damn picky about where I want to sit that I don't like the notion that my favorite seats will already be taken when I show up wildly early for a film.

@Regnad Kcin- You are SO speaking my language! I know and love all of those folks you mentioned, and am 90% sure the Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film is in a bookcase no more than 20 feet from me right now. Whether shock or schlock (or both) I really enjoy those old films that leaned heavily into exploitation and sideshow-level showmanship, and I've enjoyed reading biographies of most of the filmmakers you mentioned.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@CenTexTim- Of course, it's "yer Honor" just to be nominated.

@JustaJeepGuy- I'm pretty sure communist involvement in films didn't end after the 30s, 40s, and 50s. That being said, a lot of people tend to forget that Senator McCarthy actually did find a lot of commies.

@Doug M- I swear I was originally going to put Oscar Levant in the third panel, but I figured that NO ONE would get it. But I was clearly wrong; no one but YOU would have gotten it. I always enjoyed seeing Levant when he was on the Tonight show (predating color TV). At that point, he was filled with tics and tremors but was hilariously witty and sardonic, and could still play the piano beautifully.

@REM1875- I've heard rumors of something called "talkies," but I'm pretty skeptical.

@Boligat- To me, hearing someone say that they can't appreciate a film in black and white is like hearing that they can't enjoy a book that has black and white pages. It's the story that counts.

@valvenator- Even without the spoiler alert, the fact that we're not all commenting in German should have been a tip off.

Geoff King said...

@Regnad Kcin: Mystery Theatre 3000 is one of my favorite shows of all time. Where else can you watch the worst movies ever made and love every single second of them?
For those unfamiliar with it, go to and enjoy!

DougM said...

Oscar Madison would'a been almost as funny.

AEK said...

The great triumph of Leftywood is to make the world believe the Oscars are important.

Regnad Kcin said...

I believe it was on an old Jack Paar show that Oscar Levant proclaimed that he "knew Doris Day before she was a virgin." Mr. Levant knew how to throw chin music when he had to.....

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- I love MST3K truly, madly, and deeply.

@Doug M- Dang! Wish I'd thought of him! I really need to have you on speed dial...

@AEK- I'm so old, I remember when the Nobel Prizes were important.

@Regnad Kcin- That comment has Oscar Levant all over it. I saw him in a movie or two as well, before he developed the tics and tremors. A very talented guy...and now I'm going to see if Youtube has any of his old Paar appearances.

rickn8or said...

The oscars are nothing more than self aggrandizing because of a lack of self confidence.

Or as the late Tim Wilson described the Country Music Association tonguefest as "The Hand Me a Trophy" awards.

I'd be more impressed and inclined to watch the Oscars if they were held in the same gun-free zones that the major theatre chains impose on the rest of us.

John the Econ said...

Twelve O'Clock High is one of my favorites. (One of the very few movies I actually own) Could you imagine the cluster-**** that scenario would have been with today's generation-slowflake?

@Stilton: Now I feel kinda bad for driving past while flipping you off.

gregbudell said...

Stilton, thanks for your brilliant posts. You've been a ray of sanity three times weekly- and I've been enjoying your work since the early days of Hope'n Change when it was nice to find someone wise to Obama's BS. Radio host in Montgomery, Alabama, so I've been sharing your material and encouraging listeners to become subscribers.
This is a long overdue thank you note. Good luck with your home improvements .. and keep up the great work! "Russian metaling"- may I steel that for my show?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@rickn80r- At least in a "gun free" zone, the awards would have a little suspense.

@John the Econ- Ditto on "12 o'clock high." And thanks for coming clean on the whole shooting the bird thing.

@gregbudell- Thanks for the great note! I'm an old radio man myself- I didn't have an air shift, but wrote and produced funny commercials at the radio station, so my voice was all over the airwaves. Later, I was a contributor to a service that supplied topical jokes for DJ's (does anyone call them that anymore?) each morning. And because I can't quite get my head out of the past, I now have roughly all the production music and sound effects in the world, and the computer equivalent of a cart machine. You know, just in case.

Glad to hear that you've been sharing - it's much appreciated! And regarding the home improvements, we're actually having our contractor and some painters coming today to repair areas that are already problematic. It's always something (wry grin).